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Thread: desperate for advice

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    Confused desperate for advice

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    Hello! My name is Khara. My fiancé is in army, has been for 12yrs. We met, dated, have fallen completely in love, and become engaged while he has been here, in California for the last 2 1/2 years. I have a 3yr old son with another man who lives here in California near us. My fiancé just came down on orders to go to Georgia. I am new to the army life. I want desperately to marry him, move with, and start our life together. The only thing holding me back, that I am terrified of, is the court process of moving with my son and fighting for custody with his father.

    If anyone has gone through this or has advice or words of wisdom... I cannot express how grateful I would be! I am so beside myself with confussion and lost in fear that I will have to choose my son over the man I want to spend forever with. I could never give up custody of my son, but I feel like that means my fiancé will have to leave me and my son behind :,(

    PLEASE offer help or advice

    Thank you so much!!
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    Are you on good terms with your son's father? Do you think he would be willing to let you move? That would make things a lot easier. If he is hell bend on keeping his son in the same State and if he sees him on a regular basis, it may be a lot more difficult to fight.
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    I wish I had some advice for you but I don't personally have experience with that. I am sure someone on here will, though. Wishing you well, though!

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    Hi! Thank you for responding! We are on good terms now, but he sees him 2-3 days a week regularly and I believe he will fight tooth and nail to keep me from moving with him...
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by khara View Post
    Hello! My name is Khara. My fiancé is in army, has been for 12yrs. We met, dated, have fallen completely in love, and become engaged while he has been here, in California for the last 2 1/2 years. I have a 3yr old son with another man who lives here in California near us. My fiancé just came down on orders to go to Georgia. I am new to the army life. I want desperately to marry him, move with, and start our life together. The only thing holding me back, that I am terrified of, is the court process of moving with my son and fighting for custody with his father.

    If anyone has gone through this or has advice or words of wisdom... I cannot express how grateful I would be! I am so beside myself with confussion and lost in fear that I will have to choose my son over the man I want to spend forever with. I could never give up custody of my son, but I feel like that means my fiancé will have to leave me and my son behind :,(

    PLEASE offer help or advice

    Thank you so much!!
    Is there an existing order of custody in place? If so, what does it stipulate?
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    Quote Originally Posted by khara View Post
    Hi! Thank you for responding! We are on good terms now, but he sees him 2-3 days a week regularly and I believe he will fight tooth and nail to keep me from moving with him...
    I honestly have no experience with this whatsoever, but I would prepare myself for the worst. It seems like he is very involved in his son's life, so a judge may rule in his favor and not let you take the child out of State.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by khara View Post
    Hi! Thank you for responding! We are on good terms now, but he sees him 2-3 days a week regularly and I believe he will fight tooth and nail to keep me from moving with him...
    Quote Originally Posted by Reagan View Post
    I honestly have no experience with this whatsoever, but I would prepare myself for the worst. It seems like he is very involved in his son's life, so a judge may rule in his favor and not let you take the child out of State.
    - or at the very least expect to be on the hook for half or all transportation costs created by your moving the child away and creating the added expenses that will now be involved in the exercising of visitation rights by the father...which with your child's current age and the distance involved will mean, for at least a while, two plane tickets for every visit as the child will not be eligible to travel unaccompanied just yet.
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    The order we have now says that I have primary custody, but we do have joint legal custody as well which means he has equal rights in deciding about schools, drs, relocations... I must have written consent from him to move anywhere?! He will not give me voluntary permission to move across country, although on several occasions he has broken various guidelines in our agreement, and I have never
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    #9
    unfortunately he can stop the CHILD from moving out of the state.
    many times members and new spouses think that playing the "military" card will work in their favor and in most cases it completely back fires and the custodial parent is denied permission to take the child out of state.

    whether or not he has breached the agreement will not matter unless you took those issues to court.

    there are options if the dad refuses to allow the child to leave the state/the judge refuses to allow you to leave the state- getting married and living apart while he is stationed in GA, not getting married at all or giving the bio dad physical custody.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by khara View Post
    The order we have now says that I have primary custody, but we do have joint legal custody as well which means he has equal rights in deciding about schools, drs, relocations... I must have written consent from him to move anywhere?! He will not give me voluntary permission to move across country, although on several occasions he has broken various guidelines in our agreement, and I have never
    I would be careful bringing the "he's broken guidelines, and I have never" in court. I don't know, it kinda rubbed me the wrong way reading it, I am sure you didn't mean it that way but just because he has broken various guidelines on several occasions, doesn't mean he should suffer because you're getting married and moving across the country, taking his child with him. It kinda sounded like to me like you're trying to paint a negative picture of him. If he wants to see his son 2 - 3 times a week regularly, that to me sounds like he is a very involved parent, and if it was me, I would be putting up a fight too.
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