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Thread: Advice on the future mother in law?

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    #1

    Advice on the future mother in law?

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    When it comes down to it, I do love his mom. Sometimes she will say something a bit catty, but I ignore it because that's his mom. She was first woman in his life and he loves her so I feel like there is no need for me to get pissy at her and create drama between them.
    And honestly, most of the time... She is extremely kind and loving and caring and a complete goof ball. I do go to her for advice and I do respect her. We have a good support system between each other too during this deployment.
    But- here is the biggest thing I have issues with her.
    I REFUSE to watch the news because my DF is deployed. I do not want to see something about an attack or a soldier getting killed... Because I will freak the hell out. Lol so I avoid the news like the plague. My Future mama in law, she is a news expert. My DF has told her a few times "mom, please don't watch the news. It is never the real story on what happened over here." Because she will then message him freaking out. Yet she continues to watch the news...I have never mentioned to him that she messages me when she sees something on the news, he has enough things on his plate being over there as is.
    But this morning, she messaged me asking if I have heard from DF. I told her "no, not yet. He normally does so at ___ time." (Is exact time an OPSEC rule?)
    Then she proceeds to tell me that there was an attack in afghan... -.- so I tell her "mom, it is okay.. Afghan is a big country. I heard from him really early this morning. He wouldn't have messaged me if he was having to handle the attack that happened of if he was involved in it."

    But now I am kind of nerved up till I hear from him.. Even though, I truly feel in my heart, he is okay.

    How would you ladies pretty much tell his mom to stop telling you about these news articles? But in a very nice NICE way because I do not want drama between me and the in laws. How would you also ask for her to stop watching the news? It's not healthy for her to worry like this.

    Thanks <3
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    #2
    I would thank her and then nicely explain to her why you don't watch the news. And while she might choose to watch it, if she does, please do not call you about it.

    BTW, the news reports on the war? Kim Kardashian and Kanye must be having a boring week…

    while you wait to hear from him.
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    #3
    I agree, kindly explain that given your situation, you prefer to not watch the news because it is upsetting to you. Explain it once, don't get defensive or accusatory, and then if she tries to interject, cut her off and remind her that you prefer to not hear about it. Or limit contact with her. I feel like this is one of those situations where you need to be as blunt as possible, without being mean about it. If she starts talking about it over the phone, interrupt her. She will eventually get the idea that you won't allow that behavior and she will stop.

    As for asking her to stop watching the news, there's really nothing you can tell her, IMO. If you feel obligated to say something, you could approach it as "It seems like you were really upset about this or that story today from the news. Have you considered watching a different news channel that maybe doesn't broadcast so many stories about the war? Or maybe considered watching less of the news?" (I really can't think of the best wording for you, this is just a general example, and even then, I don't know if it's a good approach.)

    Really though, it's none of your business what she watches and what she doesn't watch. It only becomes your business when she broadcasts it back to you when you've specifically told her not to.

    Good luck, OP. I also have a mother-in-law who frets about EVERYTHING, so I totally understand.
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    Thank you both <3
    You are right missnik.. I have never thought about that. It really isn't my business what she watches. Just I hate having to deal with her panicking, as you understand. Lol

    I never realized how complicated a future mother in law and mother in law relationship would be. It's completely different when you and your other half are just boyfriend and girlfriend!
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    #5
    I agree..

    If she wants to watch the news, then that is up to her.. Kindly explain why you don't watch the news, and ask that she doesn't call/message you with things like that because you don't want to get stressed out.

    My Future MIL is constantly texting/calling and just plain out worrying. She gives herself anxiety issues over it. I kindly explain that I am sorry she feels that way, there is nothing to worry about, but that her worrying makes me worry and I wish that she would not let me know anything that she knows. I'm not mean about it, but I make it clear to her that I don't want to hear it.
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    #6
    Okay, thank you. Good to know I'm not the only one Noodles.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by JonathansGirl View Post
    Thank you both <3
    You are right missnik.. I have never thought about that. It really isn't my business what she watches. Just I hate having to deal with her panicking, as you understand. Lol

    I never realized how complicated a future mother in law and mother in law relationship would be. It's completely different when you and your other half are just boyfriend and girlfriend!


    I understand!!
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    #8
    I agree with PP, but to add to what they said...

    find something else that the two of you have in common to change the subject. If there isn't something, find a hobby that you can do cooperatively.
    I'm not Lynn, but we ARE MSOS Best Friends and MSOS Twins.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by JonathansGirl View Post
    When it comes down to it, I do love his mom. Sometimes she will say something a bit catty, but I ignore it because that's his mom. She was first woman in his life and he loves her so I feel like there is no need for me to get pissy at her and create drama between them.
    And honestly, most of the time... She is extremely kind and loving and caring and a complete goof ball. I do go to her for advice and I do respect her. We have a good support system between each other too during this deployment.
    But- here is the biggest thing I have issues with her.
    I REFUSE to watch the news because my DF is deployed. I do not want to see something about an attack or a soldier getting killed... Because I will freak the hell out. Lol so I avoid the news like the plague. My Future mama in law, she is a news expert. My DF has told her a few times "mom, please don't watch the news. It is never the real story on what happened over here." Because she will then message him freaking out. Yet she continues to watch the news...I have never mentioned to him that she messages me when she sees something on the news, he has enough things on his plate being over there as is.
    But this morning, she messaged me asking if I have heard from DF. I told her "no, not yet. He normally does so at ___ time." (Is exact time an OPSEC rule?)
    Then she proceeds to tell me that there was an attack in afghan... -.- so I tell her "mom, it is okay.. Afghan is a big country. I heard from him really early this morning. He wouldn't have messaged me if he was having to handle the attack that happened of if he was involved in it."

    But now I am kind of nerved up till I hear from him.. Even though, I truly feel in my heart, he is okay.

    How would you ladies pretty much tell his mom to stop telling you about these news articles? But in a very nice NICE way because I do not want drama between me and the in laws. How would you also ask for her to stop watching the news? It's not healthy for her to worry like this.

    Thanks <3
    I can relate to you on this. My fiance isn't even back in yet, and I hate listening to the news even right now. I don't know if my future mother in law is a news watcher or not, but I know I'm going to have problems with her. She wanted me to talk her son out of going back in. I understand her concern, I have the same one, but how can I stand in the way of what he wants to do? He wants to go back in, preferably to his old unit, which if he does will almost guarantee he'll be back in Afganistan at some point doing something. She also doesn't know yet that we're tentively engaged either, although she expected that at some point. She's probably going to hate me now, and will never forgive me if something bad does happen. She'll have to stand in line though behind myself. :-(
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    #10
    Oh my gosh!
    Sldanlm- I probably couldn't relate more than to one person than you. My parents have no idea we are engaged yet. But his parents are the only ones who know. She pisses me off, but I also know I can trust her and she would be for is if it came down to it. We thought it would be best to wait till he gets home and then to announce it to everyone. - which is another reason ontop of every other reason why I can't wait for him to be home <3
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