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Thread: Struggling Bigtime with Husband's First Deployment

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    Struggling Bigtime with Husband's First Deployment

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    So I dropped my husband off at the airport today...first deployment - 9 months I am feeling so terribly sad. My stomach and heart are literally killing me. I can't stop crying. I did not expect to feel this way because we have dealt with a lot of long distance in the past, and I actually dealt fairly well with those times apart. But for some reason this is so much worse...I am dying here. I feel like I can't even do it. I don't really know what to do with my sadness - we just moved here 3 months ago and have been having so much fun together and then got hit with this out of nowhere. I can't even think straight I can only feel this heart-wrenching pain all over my body. I don't know anyone in this new town 30,000 miles away from my family. Please help me with any words of advice or similar stories, I would really appreciate it
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    #2


    You can do it! You might not know it yet, but you can do it.

    "You don't know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice."
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    #3
    Hey Sandy, I'm Sandy deployment is different to long distance, experienced both too. My family is in Australia and my hubby just left for a year. Just try and keep busy. One thing I do is tell myself "he's at work" he's currently working morning noon and night, not really but you know what I mean. Hope you find some help here.

    When you get a min, introduce yourself in the newbies section and check out the stickies on the forums, they may be able to help you


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    #4
    First few days ALWAYS suck. Its like trying to find a whole new routine and how to deal with things with out the other half. Where do you start now. One day at a time for both of you. Find things to look forward to. When my husband deployed I made sure once a month I had something to look forward to...I attended my cousins graduation, family beach trip, something even if its small. It is ok to smile and laugh. If you feel the urge to cry get it out don't hold it in. I found myself once a month watching army wives (for me it works) either really funny moments or very sad that I would just cry it out for a good 10-15 min and move on with my life. I always felt better. granted it probably also didn't help it would be the time of the month but it helped.
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    #5
    Deployments are different from other long distance things, and I agree that the first few days are pretty bad. My DH deployed six months after we moved to Germany, so I was away from my family and hadn't had a lot of time to make new friends.

    One thing that helped me was having a "battle buddy." She lived in the apartment complex next to me, and we would check up on each other, go shopping together, and stuff like that. I know you said you don't know anyone yet...are you near a base? Do they have FRG meetings? I met a few friends through the FRG, and just going to the meetings and getting involved in the activities helped keep me busy.

    Another thing that helped was having a schedule. When I didn't have a schedule, I would just stay in bed all day feeling terrible. If you can find a job, that will help, but if you can't (I couldn't get one either), you could always look into volunteering. I volunteered at the on-post thrift shop and that helped.

    Finally, think of a goal that you want to set for yourself. Do you want to learn something new? It doesn't matter much what the goal is, but set one, and try to accomplish it in the time your DH is gone.

    Hope some of that helps! There's a deployment sub-forum, so you can hang out there and find lots of people who are going through the same thing you are.
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    #6
    Sandy, I understand. I am not married to him, but my boyfriend just left, also. I'm really struggling. I have no appetite, I am having a hard time finding pleasure in the things I used to. Since I'm just a girlfriend right now, I don't have the resources that those who are actually married in the military do. That is actually how I found this board. If you ever need anything, or if you want to talk, I'm here.
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    #7
    I wish I could give you an E-Hug! I'm going through my first deployment as well. Also 9 months long. The unknown is always the most scary. I remember how incredibly depressed I was back in September up until the day he left on Oct 4. I was fortunate enough to see him for a five day pass on Thanksgiving, but the goodbye (again) was gut wrenching. I was int he line for security clinging to his hand begging him not to send me home. I cried the entire 7 hour flight back. But here we are, two months later and I have to say, this has been MUCH easier than anticipated. My advice is develop a routine/hobby. I am a student and work but I wasn't in school during December. So to keep myself busy between work shifts, I picked up on new hobbies. I took a spare bedroom and turned it into a vibrantly colored office. I poured everything I had into decorating care packages, I made sure to spend time with my family, I made time for friends I don't normally get to see. I notice you said you lived further away from family, maybe you could plan a trip back home?
    You have to remember something. It's okay to be on your own. This is your time to be YOU again. Embrace it and flourish. I'll PM you an article that was super helpful to me!
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    #8
    The first few days are always the worse. And long distance and deployment are for sure very different ballgames. You'll be fine, stay strong, plan some care packages for him, distract yourself. You will eventually find your "groove".
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    #9
    I definitely agree that the first few days or even weeks are the worst. Allow yourself time to be sad, but don't let it consume you. I missed my husband's first call from Iraq because I took our daughter to a jumpy place and left my phone in my purse while we played. I cried like a baby when I got the voicemail, but when he called back the next day he wasn't mad or anything, he was glad that we were having fun and not sitting around crying. It will get better, and once you get an address for him you can have fun making care packages My daughter was 2 when he went last time. They are supposed to be deployed next year and she'll be 8 then and our son will be 2, so that will be interesting. You just have to make the best of it.
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    #10
    Back in 2007 my former partner got deployed to Iraq for a year, and the first few days were definitely the hardest. I went through some of what you're going through right now, but I can tell you it did get better. Like SandyKay said, I took the mental attitude sometimes of telling myself that my partner was "at work". I also kept myself as busy as possible. Although I was far away from my family, at least I had the advantage of being close to my partners family, and became closer to them than before deployment. They weren't thrilled with the deployment either, but we helped each other get through it. I had never used sykpe before this, but it soon became our new best friend for staying in touch, lol. Anyway, things will get better, it'll just take time.

    bac8572, I know a little of what you're going through, and my fiance hasn't even left yet.
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