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Thread: Should I travel?

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    Should I travel?

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    Hello! I'm new here an I thought I'd reach out to other military spouses for advice. My husband, son an I are currently stationed overseas..we will pcs at the end of the year but have a chance to go home in a few months for a little over month. It would be just my son an I traveling as my hubby is unable to get the time off. My reasons for going an not going are 100% my son...I want him to be around family an I feel it would be really good for us to get a break our current location. We don't get out of the house a lot due having only 1 vehicle an I feel simply awful about it. I'm obviously nervous about travel an time change because I understand at his age it's hard to adjust. So my question is, would you go back to the states an visit family or just wait it out until the end of the year? Thank you all very much for any advice!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aadams29 View Post
    Hello! I'm new here an I thought I'd reach out to other military spouses for advice. My husband, son an I are currently stationed overseas..we will pcs at the end of the year but have a chance to go home in a few months for a little over month. It would be just my son an I traveling as my hubby is unable to get the time off. My reasons for going an not going are 100% my son...I want him to be around family an I feel it would be really good for us to get a break our current location. We don't get out of the house a lot due having only 1 vehicle an I feel simply awful about it. I'm obviously nervous about travel an time change because I understand at his age it's hard to adjust. So my question is, would you go back to the states an visit family or just wait it out until the end of the year? Thank you all very much for any advice!
    If it's financially feasible and would not be disruptive (ie to your son's schooling if he is of age), I don't see any glaring reason not to - unless there is something more to this or a specific concern that you have?
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    I don't know exactly how long you plan this for, and I can't remember the exact regulations anyway. But being gone from OCONUS has implications that most people don't think about. And yes, some people do it anyway and don't tell anyone and get away with it, but occasionally someone is caught and then there are not-small issues.

    Being gone for a long while (I can't recall the exact regs), technically you should lose COLA at the dependent rate since there are no dependent living in the COLA area for that time. Also, I can't recall if it is 30 or 60 or 90 days, but there is a point where the housing office and the OHA or military housing starts to get involved.

    So no, under almost no circumstances would I leave for more than a month, as I *think* the COLA thing kicks in at that point. Also, for me and my relationship, it wouldn't feel right for me to be gone from DH that long when there was no very solid, necessary reason for it. For a 3 weeks to maybe a month? I'd do it unless my kid was in school. I'm not really sure exactly what your concern? Is it just having your kid on a plane? If so, then only you know his temprament, how well he sleeps and adjusts to new situations, etc.
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    He would be 21 months during travel, I'm such a worry wart when it comes to anything with my son We have had a tough time overseas (first duty station plus he was born here) an the stress is starting to weigh on our marriage. My hubby an I have been together for 10 years but military came later an we never expected to be stationed overseas starting off. Im very lonely an just feel the need to be close with family. I thought it'd be a great opportunity for family to see us an have a break from here but to also give us something to look foreword to an help pass the time. I always end up feeling selfish in the end.
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    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    I don't know exactly how long you plan this for, and I can't remember the exact regulations anyway. But being gone from OCONUS has implications that most people don't think about. And yes, some people do it anyway and don't tell anyone and get away with it, but occasionally someone is caught and then there are not-small issues.

    Being gone for a long while (I can't recall the exact regs), technically you should lose COLA at the dependent rate since there are no dependent living in the COLA area for that time. Also, I can't recall if it is 30 or 60 or 90 days, but there is a point where the housing office and the OHA or military housing starts to get involved.

    So no, under almost no circumstances would I leave for more than a month, as I *think* the COLA thing kicks in at that point. Also, for me and my relationship, it wouldn't feel right for me to be gone from DH that long when there was no very solid, necessary reason for it. For a 3 weeks to maybe a month? I'd do it unless my kid was in school. I'm not really sure exactly what your concern? Is it just having your kid on a plane? If so, then only you know his temprament, how well he sleeps and adjusts to new situations, etc.

    Thanks! I would only be gone about 30 days, we as a family traveled a month early last year an had no issues. I guess my main concern is I feel selfish putting my son through a 12 hour travel day. My husband says he supports us visiting family as we literally sit in the house day after day but then gives me a million reasons why it's too stressful although he wouldn't be going.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aadams29 View Post
    Thanks! I would only be gone about 30 days, we as a family traveled a month early last year an had no issues. I guess my main concern is I feel selfish putting my son through a 12 hour travel day. My husband says he supports us visiting family as we literally sit in the house day after day but then gives me a million reasons why it's too stressful although he wouldn't be going.
    -- did he have a particularly difficult time on the trip you made last year?
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    Why do you literally sit in the house all day? That is easily fixable; you just have to put in the effort.

    Quote Originally Posted by Aadams29 View Post
    He would be 21 months during travel, I'm such a worry wart when it comes to anything with my son We have had a tough time overseas (first duty station plus he was born here) an the stress is starting to weigh on our marriage. My hubby an I have been together for 10 years but military came later an we never expected to be stationed overseas starting off. Im very lonely an just feel the need to be close with family. I thought it'd be a great opportunity for family to see us an have a break from here but to also give us something to look foreword to an help pass the time. I always end up feeling selfish in the end.
    If I were you, I would save the money from that travel and use it to buy a second beater car, which I think will improve your QOL tremendously if you force yourself to lose it. For 2 round trip tickets to the states, you can buy a little car for getting around town. Or can your husband bicycle to work, at least one direction, on some days so you have the car? (If it's too long for a round trip, you could pick him up from work those days.)

    Plan 3 day weekends with your husband, or even weekend or day trips. You didn't say where you are, but most places OCONUS with bases have *tons* to do within a day.

    It sounds like your relationship with your husband is rough, and leaving for a month, to a place that is safe and easy for you, will likely make that worse, because when you return to him, it will be to the place you don't like, and the two will be even more tied together mentally. So hearing more from you, no I would not go. I would commit myself to tending to my relationship with my spouse, and to finding ways to make my life at Home (the place I live with my husband is Home) better for me. Volunteer on base. Take a craft class. Go to MWR or the USO or whatever your base has and sign up for a day trip with just you and the kiddo during the week. And sign up for another on a weekend with the three of you.

    Your relationship is strained right now. Leaving that, instead of staying to work on it, is probably not going to help.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    Why do you literally sit in the house all day? That is easily fixable; you just have to put in the effort.



    If I were you, I would save the money on travel and use it to buy a second beater car, which I think will improve your QOL tremendously if you force yourself to lose it. For 2 round trip tickets to the states, you can buy a little car for getting around town. Or can your husband bicycle to work, at least one direction, on some days so you have the car. (If it's too long for a round trip, you could pick him up from work those days.)

    Plan 3 day weekends with your husband, or even weekend or day trips. You didn't say where you are, but most places OCONUS with bases have *tons* to do within a day. It sounds like your relationship with your husband is rough, and leaving for a month, to a place that is safe and easy for you, will likely make that worse, because when you return to him, it will be to the place you don't like, and the two will be even more tied together mentally. So hearing more from you, no I would not go. I would commit myself to tending to my relationship with my spouse, and to finding ways to make my life at Home (the place I live with my husband is Home) better for me. Volunteer on base. Take a craft class. Go to MWR or the USO or whatever your base has and sign up for a day trip with just you and the kiddo during the week. And sign up for another on a weekend with the three of you.

    Your relationship is strained right now. Leaving that, instead of staying to work on it, is probably not going to help.
    I agree. For me, home is where DH is. I have been away from my guy for nearly a year now and I am miserable. Everyone's situation is different though. If you are really homesick maybe you should sit down and have a long discussion with him. I don't know where you are but perhaps it would be nice to explore your surroundings a little. I would stay. Best of luck with your decision.
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    Ok, I feel like I've given the wrong impression. Let me back track...we have been at our current base over 2 years. During that time it has had its highs an lows, living overseas an having our first child so far from what we call home was very hard. We adjusted an were able to take family vacation early last year to visit family an simply have a break from the military world. The trip back was very stressful due to delayed planes an lost baggage an car seat. Since being back its been a waiting game for us to simply be back in the states. My hubby an are currently doing very well he seems supportive of our trip to visit family. Basically, we have grandparents, aunts an uncles who chipped in to pay for half our tickets home but Im not sure about the trip just yet. I know it wouldn't affect our marriage in the least but there are times when my husband likes to remind me how stressful our return flights were an its scares the sh** out of me so I end of feeling selfish for dragging my son half way across the world. I want him to see family so much an vise versa, I just question the entire trip over an over because of time adjustment an travel. So I guess my real question is am I being selfish or would it be beneficial for us?
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    I would say using the money you would spend to go home would be better spent on getting a cheap beater car for you so you don't sit in the house all day.
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