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Thread: HELP He's Unsure of the Future

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    #1

    Help HELP He's Unsure of the Future

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    Well lets see...So DB and I have been dating for over 2 years now and known each other for bout 5. He's currently 21 and I'm 19 and when he joined the military over a year and a half ago I told him I wanted to stay with him. Since then we've gone through his basic training and tech school and recently a deployment together as well. He's stationed in San Antonio and I live in Louisiana so its easier for me to go down and visit him. I was OK with how our relationship was going but lately my family has been talking in my ear when I go to visit him. Saying that their worried he wont marry me and that were taking to long. I'm ashamed to say that I've let them get into my head and now every couple months he and I have some sort of issue about where our relationship is going. Last night he told me wants to wait at least until he gets out of the military before making any decisions on marriage. Now I'm seeing what my parents mean when hey say it seems like he's taking a long time and when we talked about it he makes it sound like we might not be together at the end of this enlistment. So I guess right now I'm having a hard time understanding him and us right now. The conversation ended with me telling him i was to upset to talk anymore and he he said alright we'll talk when youre ready. I'm not sure where to go from here. IdK somehow hearing that at the end of this he might not even want to take it any further kind of pissed me off. I said I'd stay with him even if he joined the military, I signed up for this for the long run no matter how bad it got but he's making the relationship seem like a game or something. He says he loves me and wants to be with me but contradicts himself when he says things like he wont be sure until 5 years from now. We 'talked at all today and its basically because I dont know what to say to him. I wonder if maybe he's scared of something or what i just can't figure him out. I also know me nagging him about marriage just because of my family hasnt helped. Honestly before my nosy family got into this I was ok with how things were going I'm not in any rush to get married.
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    #2
    What's the rush though?

    If he's 21 and he wants to wait a few years, I think that is the responsible thing to do. Don't you want him to propose and want to get married when you both are ready, not when there is pressure to do so?
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    #3
    My cousin has been dating her boyfriend for 10 years, they are getting married this spring. What's the rush? Marriage doesn't switch some magic switch in your relationship.

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    #4
    First of all..You are 19, please dont rush into marriage just because your family is insinuating that you should! He is also young, just like you. I say enjoy your relationship and dont push for a ring, you were happy before your family starting talking to you about it, right? I think if you push its going to ruin your relationship

    Also, who tells a 19 year old they need to work on marriage!? When I was 19 I was concerned with partying
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    Quote Originally Posted by twistertwin View Post
    What's the rush though?

    If he's 21 and he wants to wait a few years, I think that is the responsible thing to do. Don't you want him to propose and want to get married when you both are ready, not when there is pressure to do so?
    Of course thats what I want I really shouldn't have let my family get into my head they way they have. Its kind of bugging me because now he's thinking I'm not as mature as he is right now which before all this drama Im pretty sure he wasnt thinking that
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    Ok first let me say that I know what it feels like to want to take it to the next step. I was with my ex husband from the age of 18 and got married at 22. I nagged him at first to get engaged and it wasn't until I gave up that he finally proposed. But hindsight is 20/20. You are only 19 and have plenty of time. If you're not in a hurry to get married then why do you keep pressuring DB? Your family may just be old fashioned, most of our parents dated for 6 months and boom they were married at like 16! LOL But take your time. I'm sure DB wants to four on his career right now and he may want to be grounded before marriage/family…etc. Marriage is a big step and it's good for him to think on it carefully. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you or isn't committed. If things were going well, let it be. Things will happen the way they are supposed to. No man likes to be nagged about where a relationship is going. Just carry yourself with confidence and he will be drawn to you because of it.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Bobbysgirrl View Post
    Ok first let me say that I know what it feels like to want to take it to the next step. I was with my ex husband from the age of 18 and got married at 22. I nagged him at first to get engaged and it wasn't until I gave up that he finally proposed. But hindsight is 20/20. You are only 19 and have plenty of time. If you're not in a hurry to get married then why do you keep pressuring DB? Your family may just be old fashioned, most of our parents dated for 6 months and boom they were married at like 16! LOL But take your time. I'm sure DB wants to four on his career right now and he may want to be grounded before marriage/family…etc. Marriage is a big step and it's good for him to think on it carefully. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you or isn't committed. If things were going well, let it be. Things will happen the way they are supposed to. No man likes to be nagged about where a relationship is going. Just carry yourself with confidence and he will be drawn to you because of it.
    maybe grandparents or great grandparents? My parents were 27 and 26 years old. I agree with the rest
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bobbysgirrl View Post
    Ok first let me say that I know what it feels like to want to take it to the next step. I was with my ex husband from the age of 18 and got married at 22. I nagged him at first to get engaged and it wasn't until I gave up that he finally proposed. But hindsight is 20/20. You are only 19 and have plenty of time. If you're not in a hurry to get married then why do you keep pressuring DB? Your family may just be old fashioned, most of our parents dated for 6 months and boom they were married at like 16! LOL But take your time. I'm sure DB wants to four on his career right now and he may want to be grounded before marriage/family…etc. Marriage is a big step and it's good for him to think on it carefully. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you or isn't committed. If things were going well, let it be. Things will happen the way they are supposed to. No man likes to be nagged about where a relationship is going. Just carry yourself with confidence and he will be drawn to you because of it.
    I don't want to get married any time soon but my parents want me to want that they really are old fashioned. I think i've always had a problem wit the confidence thing. DB sees lot in me that I dont really see in myself. But I guess thats something ill have to work on I just dont know how
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    #9
    Sometimes you just have to fake it till you make it! Tell yourself every morning when you look in the mirror that you're all that and a bag of chips! LOL. Positive affirmations help build self-esteems. I'm a woman of faith and I believe God created us each with greatness that we just have to tap into. He didn't have time to make a nobody, just a somebody and if you're DB sees qualities in you, then believe they are there and work on developing and strengthening them. Don't let your family pressure you. Tell them you are focusing on you, school, whatever and that marriage will happen when the time is right.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bobbysgirrl View Post
    Sometimes you just have to fake it till you make it! Tell yourself every morning when you look in the mirror that you're all that and a bag of chips! LOL. Positive affirmations help build self-esteems. I'm a woman of faith and I believe God created us each with greatness that we just have to tap into. He didn't have time to make a nobody, just a somebody and if you're DB sees qualities in you, then believe they are there and work on developing and strengthening them. Don't let your family pressure you. Tell them you are focusing on you, school, whatever and that marriage will happen when the time is right.
    Thank you so much that clears up alot and makes me feel so much better. I'd honestly worked myself into the dumps about this whole situation but that really sheds some light on everything, I think I need to apologize to DB about all this. And Ill def work on myself
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