hey all. (sorry this is so long!)
i dont normally like to put my business out there, but i kind of need to vent to others that may understand.
DB broke things off while home spending the holidays. (great timing dude)
i kind of knew deep down that things weren't going to work before he came home, but i had high hopes he wouldn't let me go so easily. he's just sort of been a little distant as of recently.. going out a lot on the weekends, not texting me as much..
i told him prior to getting together (about a year ago), that i wasn't keen on trying a long distance relationship. he chased me for months, would tell me nothing should come between two people that loved each other, blablabla..
i found a text in his phone from a girl saying "miss you!" the first day he was home. (it popped up on the screen while his phone was sitting on the table in front of us). he said she is in school with him & just friends yadda yadda. i didnt buy it. i asked him to see the conversation (sorry?) & he refused. said i should trust him. well... i always did until that point.
anyway, we have been friends for 11 years. this isn't your normal break up in which i could easily forget him & move on. we were close. its why i'm having a super hard time coming to terms with the fact that he couldn't try harder to make things work.
his reasoning for the break up was because he just needs to focus on schooling. (he's about to enter SERE & flight school.) not that he doesn't love or care about me. i understand he has a TON on his plate, but from what he's told me since the beginning.. .i just think its a cop out. he still wants to remain friends.
i'm heartbroken because i figured he'd give me a little more effort than any other girl. he's listened to my man perils for years, knew what i wanted & what i was looking for. we're not babies at 27 & 28. i wasn't in this for the hell of it. i gave him my ALL. i flew to different states for him.. i supported the crap out of him.
he leaves the day after tomorrow to go back to base. we both kind of want the closure of a goodbye.. but what do i say now? is it a bad idea to meet up? i just don't know if i'm ready to lose him completely & not be friends with him.. maybe from a distance it wouldn't be as difficult to still occasionally talk? but i also don't even know if i trust him anymore.. even as a friend. has anyone been through something similar? i know it takes time.. i'll heal eventually. i don't know how people erase people from their lives after so many years.
& for the record, if i was reading this, i'd probably say eff him, he doesn't deserve me. so why can't i take my own advice.

Bookmarks