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Thread: Husband is keeping money from me and our kids

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    Husband is keeping money from me and our kids

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    Hello,
    So i am an army wife, but me and my husband have been seperated for a year now. He is in texas and i am in San Diego. I have been pinching pennies for the last year while he has been feeding me lies about the money that he is able to send me. I just came to find out that he is living off base and reciving extra benifits because of us, and all he sends me is 680 a month for our two kids and me, because we are still technically married and have not filed for divorce yet. I am not able to afford day care so that i can start working and he rarely ever even tries to contact his kids. I also found out that he is engaged to another woman and is spending money on a very exspensive engagement ring and new furniture and things for there house. I have no care that he has moved on but that money should be going to his kids. He will not give me his address or any information that i would be able to use to find his command. I have been living with my parents and they are now in debt from taking care of the three of us. I need help to get ahold of his command and to get the support that i need from him to take care of our kids.
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by kellylauren92 View Post
    Hello,
    So i am an army wife, but me and my husband have been seperated for a year now. He is in texas and i am in San Diego. I have been pinching pennies for the last year while he has been feeding me lies about the money that he is able to send me. I just came to find out that he is living off base and reciving extra benifits because of us, and all he sends me is 680 a month for our two kids and me, because we are still technically married and have not filed for divorce yet. I am not able to afford day care so that i can start working and he rarely ever even tries to contact his kids. I also found out that he is engaged to another woman and is spending money on a very exspensive engagement ring and new furniture and things for there house. I have no care that he has moved on but that money should be going to his kids. He will not give me his address or any information that i would be able to use to find his command. I have been living with my parents and they are now in debt from taking care of the three of us. I need help to get ahold of his command and to get the support that i need from him to take care of our kids.
    Honestly, you aren't going to like this, but that is not an ungenerous amount that he is providing as it is. You need to file for divorce so that you have an enforceable order of support - but be prepared for it to likely be less than you are getting as it is.
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    #3
    I would have killed for 680 a month in child support- file for divorce so you have an enforceable court order of support.
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    #4
    How much do you want him to give you? his whole check? I know plenty of woman who would killllll to have that much given to them. Do you work?
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    #5
    agree with the others, get a divorce to get an enforceable support order.

    Entitlement isn't the right word, but all he is 'entitled' to send you is the difference between BAH single rate and BAH dependent rate, which is roughly $200-$300, so he is sending you more than he 'needs' to send.

    As far as the rest.. I am not sure why your parents are in debt by supporting you and the children. I hope you have been working, even if it meant getting a job at night so your family could watch your children. I don't know your situation, but I would expect to rely on his support to live off of. As others have said $680 is a grand amount, I wouldn't expect as much when divorce happens.

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    #6
    When my ex and I were separated, I got $500 out of each check, with no kids. $680 does not sound off the mark.

    But I understand, I really do. You feel that he should not be spending that extra money on his gf, but rather on his children. Unfortunately, it is his choice how he spends the rest of his money, if he is giving as much as the military mandates. Ask a lawyer familiar with military law just how much in BAH you're entitled to, before you go knocking at his door demanding more. He may cut back how much he's giving, if he's giving more than he needs to.
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    #7
    Also, reaching his command will do you exactly zero good - there is nothing for them to do. He is actually doing more than he "has" to do as it is. The fact of the matter is, it is HIS pay - he is "entitled" to do whatever he pleases with it (outside of the above noted difference between BAH w and w/out dependents -- which without official separation is even an issue of not really having to do anything).
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    #8
    The ladies are pretty much spot on. Can't make a sperm doner be a father unfortunately. Best thing you can do is get a lawyer and get the divorce started. He can't get married until he does that so I would start the process and make him pay for it. I have a great lawyer in San Diego that can help you out if you want. If you are interested...let me know and I'll provide you her contact info. As long as you have his SSN, you can find out where he's stationed. Also, google is your friend. You can find out a LOT on facebook.

    At this stage you might need to rely on some family or friends for help so that you can get a job and start paying for daycare, etc. IF you don't have that I would check into local programs that assist unemployed persons in getting on their feet.





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    #9
    $680 a month? That sounds super low to me for child support for 2 kids. Until you file for divorce and get a court order For support I don't know how much you'll be able to do.
    Never do anything halfway unless you want to be half happy.

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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by missinghim View Post
    $680 a month? That sounds super low to me for child support for 2 kids. Until you file for divorce and get a court order For support I don't know how much you'll be able to do.
    That would depend on income and ages of kids.

    There are 10 types of people in the world, those that understand binary and those that don't
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