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Thread: My feelings are hurt

  1. Fresh Newbie
    amcdonno's Avatar
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    #1

    Sad My feelings are hurt

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    This is going to be long so I apologize in advance!

    So my Df is away at training right now and he will be home for Christmas, when we plan to get married. Since he's been gone I've done all the wedding planning on my own and got everything taken care of. His mom is ecstatic about us getting married but his dad has made it very, very clear to me that he is not happy at all about it. I've tried to include his dad and stepmom in the plans but they do not respond to any of my messages. But then they tell DF on his one call last week that I was not including them in anything and making everything extremely difficult. They seem to be causing problems hoping it won't happen. His dad has even told his mom that he doesn't think DF will really marry me. There was a little bit of a blow up last week and his dad some very hurtful and unnecessary things to me and told me not to tell DF about it because I didn't need to stress him out more. I told DF anyways, because I've always told him everything, and he said he was happy I told him and that he was so sorry they were being like this and couldn't believe everything his dad said. He assured me he would talk to them about it all when he gets home, and sent them letters telling them they don't need to be like this.

    Well, before all this happened the plan was I was going to ride with them to the airport to get DF. But since this has all come up, I'm really nervous to be alone with them. DF told me he completely understood if I didn't want to go with them and he would be okay if I went separate and rode with his best friend. But it would be silly to drive two cars to the airport, because it's an hour drive and we won't be spending time at the airport, just picking him up. But if I'm the only one going to pick him up his parents are going to get pissed. So should I drive alone or suck it up and ride with his parents?

    It's just so frustrating because they're treating us like we are in a high school relationship, and we're not, we're two adults about to be married. His dad even asked me if I would go to live with him when he finds out where he is stationed.. Of course I will! I'll be his wife! I want him to be able to spend time with his family while he's home but I want alone time with him as well and I feel like his parents are going to start a huge fight about it. I know he is going to stand up for me, no doubt. But I just wish it wasn't like this for when he comes home. Have any of you had a situation like this? How do you deal with inlaws that seem to hate you?
  2. scotlandgrl53
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    I would go with the parents. It might be rough and not fun but it makes the most sense and I feel like if DF chooses to ride with you home from the airport and not his dad you are just going to be on even more of the stink list. If DF goes with his dad to appease him, then you guys driving a separate car up there is even more foolish. Perhaps his dad just doesn't feel like he knows you all that well or his is testing you? Maybe the thought of his son growing up just makes him sad and angry so he is taking it out on you. Either way it sucks but the best thing you can try to do is show him you and your DF are very serious and love each other. It's only an hour ride there! And then your DF will be in the car with you so it will make the way home easier. for the crappy situation though
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  3. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #3
    Why is his dad so against you two getting married? What's the deal, age? You said they treat it like you're in a high school relationship. Do you have any idea why?
  4. Fresh Newbie
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    He just doesn't want to lose his son. From my understanding, his dad has some anxiety issues and is just not a happy person in general. He never wanted DF to go into the army, and made him feel bad about it. So I think it's just the fact that DF is going to be far away. He doesn't seem to understand that he will be leaving regardless of whether or not I go with him and it's easier for him to say that I'm stealing his son away from him than to accept the fact that he is grown up.
  5. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by amcdonno View Post
    He just doesn't want to lose his son. From my understanding, his dad has some anxiety issues and is just not a happy person in general. He never wanted DF to go into the army, and made him feel bad about it. So I think it's just the fact that DF is going to be far away. He doesn't seem to understand that he will be leaving regardless of whether or not I go with him and it's easier for him to say that I'm stealing his son away from him than to accept the fact that he is grown up.
    Hmm. Well, that's unfortunate. Is it still even an option to go with them? If things haved calmed down and are civil enough to make the trip with them I'd try to go with. It might be a crappy drive but if you want to be a part of picking him up it sounds like the right choice to me. As eelizah said, taking two cars would get weird. Going with would give you the opportunity to get a little more acquainted or, at the very least, show his dad that you are there for your DF.
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    #6
    I agree with lavender I think you should go with he father to pick him up. for one it shows him that you aren't letting him get to you. And if he refuses letting you ride with him at the end then hey that will show your DF even more about his dad and it wont look bad on you
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    #7
    You are planning to get married while he is in boot camp?
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by allisonmj View Post
    I agree with lavender I think you should go with he father to pick him up. for one it shows him that you aren't letting him get to you. And if he refuses letting you ride with him at the end then hey that will show your DF even more about his dad and it wont look bad on you
    I agree.

    Quote Originally Posted by dekeoboe View Post
    You are planning to get married while he is in boot camp?
    Same question. He may not be allowed to get married during bootcamp/basic.

  9. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #9
    I'm kind of confused. So at first, reading the OP it sounds like your DF's parents are driving to the airport to meet him AND his best friend is also driving out there. But then you say if you drove to the airport you'd be driving alone?

    I definitely think it'd be kind of weird and awkward if you took a whole other car and I get why people are suggesting you go with his parents. But if your DF's best friend is driving up there regardless, I don't think it looks that bad to ride with his friend. Or maybe you could suggest you all 4 go together so the bestie is there and it's less awkward? (Assuming there's room to do that).
  10. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by amcdonno View Post
    This is going to be long so I apologize in advance!

    So my Df is away at training right now and he will be home for Christmas, when we plan to get married. Since he's been gone I've done all the wedding planning on my own and got everything taken care of. His mom is ecstatic about us getting married but his dad has made it very, very clear to me that he is not happy at all about it. I've tried to include his dad and stepmom in the plans but they do not respond to any of my messages. But then they tell DF on his one call last week that I was not including them in anything and making everything extremely difficult. They seem to be causing problems hoping it won't happen. His dad has even told his mom that he doesn't think DF will really marry me. There was a little bit of a blow up last week and his dad some very hurtful and unnecessary things to me and told me not to tell DF about it because I didn't need to stress him out more. I told DF anyways, because I've always told him everything, and he said he was happy I told him and that he was so sorry they were being like this and couldn't believe everything his dad said. He assured me he would talk to them about it all when he gets home, and sent them letters telling them they don't need to be like this.

    Well, before all this happened the plan was I was going to ride with them to the airport to get DF. But since this has all come up, I'm really nervous to be alone with them. DF told me he completely understood if I didn't want to go with them and he would be okay if I went separate and rode with his best friend. But it would be silly to drive two cars to the airport, because it's an hour drive and we won't be spending time at the airport, just picking him up. But if I'm the only one going to pick him up his parents are going to get pissed. So should I drive alone or suck it up and ride with his parents?

    It's just so frustrating because they're treating us like we are in a high school relationship, and we're not, we're two adults about to be married. His dad even asked me if I would go to live with him when he finds out where he is stationed.. Of course I will! I'll be his wife! I want him to be able to spend time with his family while he's home but I want alone time with him as well and I feel like his parents are going to start a huge fight about it. I know he is going to stand up for me, no doubt. But I just wish it wasn't like this for when he comes home. Have any of you had a situation like this? How do you deal with inlaws that seem to hate you?
    *I* would ride with his parents and use this as an opportunity to demonstrate the maturity you want them to see in you.
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