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Thread: Beyond stressed financially due to medical issues

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    Beyond stressed financially due to medical issues

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    So I got out here to CSprings in September. Stayed with friends for about 5 weeks while job/apartment hunting.

    When I secured a job, I immediately found an apartment. I needed to move out of the 'friend's' house BAD. So, we used money from our wedding account to make the deposit + first 2 months rent.

    Unfortunately my job is not full time. It is PRN, but I can get full time hours. Only problem is even though I had signed up for shifts, the census was low and I got called off a couple of times. Anyway, we've been making ends meet, had a financial plan for the next couple months. No stress at all.

    Til now.

    About 2 weeks ago my pilonidal cyst that I put off having surgery for (so I could move out here - I know, I messed up) resurfaced and was causing a lot of pain. We got it under control with antibiotics, but I have to have the sinus taken care of or else it will return again (my luck just in time for my wedding)...

    Anywhooo... I *could* have the surgery here. But the problem is I would have no one to change my dressing/pack my wound twice a day (DF can't come over every day, and has to be back to base by taps). So my other option was go back to MD for the surgery/recovery. This is really the only option. Here's the problem... That means I'll barely be able to make rent/cover bills for January. I DEFINITELY won't be able to for February if I'm not working.

    I mean my electric and water will obviously be next to nothing since I won't be here.. but this urgent medical issue means that I'm out of income for about 4-6 weeks and I will still have bills. As a cadet, DF doesn't make nearly enough to swing it for a month on his own.

    I'm so upset and stressed because we had a plan. Sure, we had spent some "fun" money, but that's because we had forseeable income. If I had known this issue was going to occur, and so quickly, I wouldn't have spent any fun money at all. I would've done my best to save every penny.

    Unfortunately, our wedding account is no longer a fall back option because I had to lend my mom some emergency cash that shes in the process of paying back, we had a couple financial emergencies, and the first 5 weeks I was here that was what I had to live off of, up until I got my first paycheck a few weeks ago. So not only do I have the stress of the holidays, needing to save up money to replenish our wedding account, but now I have NO way of making rent for Jan and Feb.

    I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to make money when I'm back in MD recovering. At least if I was here for the recovery, if it went well I could maybe work a couple shifts a week I don't know... I just don't know what to do. How do I keep from losing my apartment and ruining my credit while recovering from an extremely necessary procedure that really can't be put off a second time?

    Have any of you been through something similar? We literally have no resources, besides maybe asking his parents help us out... but I can't tell you how much of an absolute LAST LAST LAST resort that is. I'm literally freaking and in tears, and called my mom and she just said I shouldn't be stressing because that won't make it any better... while that's true, how can I not stress when I'm about to lose it all and I can't come up with a realistic solution?
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by jaimie14 View Post
    So I got out here to CSprings in September. Stayed with friends for about 5 weeks while job/apartment hunting.

    When I secured a job, I immediately found an apartment. I needed to move out of the 'friend's' house BAD. So, we used money from our wedding account to make the deposit + first 2 months rent.

    Unfortunately my job is not full time. It is PRN, but I can get full time hours. Only problem is even though I had signed up for shifts, the census was low and I got called off a couple of times. Anyway, we've been making ends meet, had a financial plan for the next couple months. No stress at all.

    Til now.

    About 2 weeks ago my pilonidal cyst that I put off having surgery for (so I could move out here - I know, I messed up) resurfaced and was causing a lot of pain. We got it under control with antibiotics, but I have to have the sinus taken care of or else it will return again (my luck just in time for my wedding)...

    Anywhooo... I *could* have the surgery here. But the problem is I would have no one to change my dressing/pack my wound twice a day (DF can't come over every day, and has to be back to base by taps). So my other option was go back to MD for the surgery/recovery. This is really the only option. Here's the problem... That means I'll barely be able to make rent/cover bills for January. I DEFINITELY won't be able to for February if I'm not working.

    I mean my electric and water will obviously be next to nothing since I won't be here.. but this urgent medical issue means that I'm out of income for about 4-6 weeks and I will still have bills. As a cadet, DF doesn't make nearly enough to swing it for a month on his own.

    I'm so upset and stressed because we had a plan. Sure, we had spent some "fun" money, but that's because we had forseeable income. If I had known this issue was going to occur, and so quickly, I wouldn't have spent any fun money at all. I would've done my best to save every penny.

    Unfortunately, our wedding account is no longer a fall back option because I had to lend my mom some emergency cash that shes in the process of paying back, we had a couple financial emergencies, and the first 5 weeks I was here that was what I had to live off of, up until I got my first paycheck a few weeks ago. So not only do I have the stress of the holidays, needing to save up money to replenish our wedding account, but now I have NO way of making rent for Jan and Feb.

    I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to make money when I'm back in MD recovering. At least if I was here for the recovery, if it went well I could maybe work a couple shifts a week I don't know... I just don't know what to do. How do I keep from losing my apartment and ruining my credit while recovering from an extremely necessary procedure that really can't be put off a second time?

    Have any of you been through something similar? We literally have no resources, besides maybe asking his parents help us out... but I can't tell you how much of an absolute LAST LAST LAST resort that is. I'm literally freaking and in tears, and called my mom and she just said I shouldn't be stressing because that won't make it any better... while that's true, how can I not stress when I'm about to lose it all and I can't come up with a realistic solution?
    I don't know the details or how it works for hourly employees but have you looked into the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA)?
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    #3
    I'm sorry your plan didn't work out. Unfortunately it's really risky to bank on "foreseeable income" because well, it's not yours yet and it sucks when life happens. But what's done is done, don't beat yourself up about it, just take it as a lesson learned and something to take with you into the future when you're budgeting and planning for expenses.

    Have you talked to the clinic there about the issue with cleaning and packing the wound? Like could you come into the office and have them do it, or would that be prohibitively expensive?

    You talk about not wanting to ruin your credit, is that in terms of you having good credit or in terms of you are just starting out building credit? If you've already established good credit, you could look into the possibility of a personal loan or a line of credit to tide you over. You will just have to be extremely vigilant about making payments, and be really careful about counting on money that you don't have yet.

    Who do you bank with? A lot of financial institutions offer free advice and they'd be able to lay out some options for you and the pros/cons of each to help you make a good decision.

    Also, prioritizing might help you feel calmer and make a plan. Yes, it would be nice to save up money for a wedding and to do fun things for the holidays and buy Christmas presents and stuff. But honestly, those are luxuries. Those are wants, not needs. Your health, your living situation, and your needs come first. It's ok to put those things on the back burner, because they're not what's important.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tojai View Post
    I'm sorry your plan didn't work out. Unfortunately it's really risky to bank on "foreseeable income" because well, it's not yours yet and it sucks when life happens. But what's done is done, don't beat yourself up about it, just take it as a lesson learned and something to take with you into the future when you're budgeting and planning for expenses.

    Have you talked to the clinic there about the issue with cleaning and packing the wound? Like could you come into the office and have them do it, or would that be prohibitively expensive?

    You talk about not wanting to ruin your credit, is that in terms of you having good credit or in terms of you are just starting out building credit? If you've already established good credit, you could look into the possibility of a personal loan or a line of credit to tide you over. You will just have to be extremely vigilant about making payments, and be really careful about counting on money that you don't have yet.

    Who do you bank with? A lot of financial institutions offer free advice and they'd be able to lay out some options for you and the pros/cons of each to help you make a good decision.

    Also, prioritizing might help you feel calmer and make a plan. Yes, it would be nice to save up money for a wedding and to do fun things for the holidays and buy Christmas presents and stuff. But honestly, those are luxuries. Those are wants, not needs. Your health, your living situation, and your needs come first. It's ok to put those things on the back burner, because they're not what's important.
    I'm just frustrated because I didn't even really have enough time to establish a rainy day fund - going to the office twice a day to have it packed, would be too expensive AND pretty unrealistic since I won't really be able to drive myself there (My surgery is gonna be a big ole hole in my butt... won't be able to sit for a while). Homecare will be too expensive as well.

    As far as my credit goes, it's not stellar, but it's not totally shitty either, and I want to keep improving it, not make it any worse.

    I bank with USAA, so maybe I could talk to them... I never thought about that.

    I'm definitely keeping my eye on the here and now as far as financial issues. But the wedding finances are in the back of my head. We had a lot of money set aside for it, and have booked all the fancy stuff. We've already made a lot payments that will be nonrefundable, so the options as far as this goes are making up the money when I get back to work (If I get the second job I was offered, it will be absolutely possible and reasonable), OR I don't make up the money and we lose our venue which included just about everything except cake, flowers, entertainment. I still have my parents' contribution, but again, I shouldnt rely on money that's not mine yet.

    DF is insisting on asking his parents for the money since they can afford it and haven't had to pay a single penny for his college. I still hate relying on them, or my parents. I'm trying to establish complete independence, having to rely on parents is like so damn painful right now. I guess through typing all this out I'm coming around to realize this was unexpected and just has to be a learning experience, and I'm gonna have to grin and bear the pain of having to compromise my pride and just rely on them to get us out of this. Now I feel like I'm rambling.

    I've always hated asking for money. I didn't even have a social life in high school because i refused to ask my parents for money, and then once I got a job to make my own I just worked all the time hahah.

    I just feel like I've been completely irresponsible, and in reality, I haven't. I just didn't know I'd need to save so much, and didn't even really have time to save much. We've spent some "fun money", but after looking back like we just did, we really didn't spend a ton of fun money. All our extra money went to fuel and groceries. I've only gotten 2 paychecks, as I started my job the last week of October.



    As far as the pp's post about FMLA, I am pretty positive since I'm PRN i don't get any kind of those perks.
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    DF just called his dad and asked for the minimum amount of money, and explained the situation. I am so grateful, but I feel like I'm "owned" by them now, and every dollar I spend will be under a microscope in their eyes. I just wanna cry. I just don't want to stop making money and taking care of myself... I feel like I've taken 2 steps forward just to take 5 back.
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    #6
    As long as you are learning from your experiences, I think that is the most you can do. That is taking a step forward, even if it feels like a step back.

    USAA offers free financial advice so you can talk to someone about what a realistic budget and emergency fund would be, about making plans without relying on future income (which as you can see is not the most reliable source of money), etc. They can also help you plan for the future so you won't be caught off guard by how many expenses you actually need ... I know you said you had several emergencies come up, unfortunately that's not uncommon and I know it sucks. When I was transitioning jobs, we almost depleted our emergency fund because I didn't have an income, both our dogs got sick at the same time, etc. etc.

    Is the money from DF's parents a loan or a gift? Regardless I do think with that kind of generosity, it is pretty common for people to look at your spending habits. If you're setting aside fun money vs. building up a savings or something along those lines, it's very possible it could rub them the wrong way. You could use it as motivation to stay on track with your budgeting and saving and hopefully it feels more productive that way and not so much like you're under a microscope. I'm glad your DF's parents are so generous! That's awesome they came through.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tojai View Post
    As long as you are learning from your experiences, I think that is the most you can do. That is taking a step forward, even if it feels like a step back.

    USAA offers free financial advice so you can talk to someone about what a realistic budget and emergency fund would be, about making plans without relying on future income (which as you can see is not the most reliable source of money), etc. They can also help you plan for the future so you won't be caught off guard by how many expenses you actually need ... I know you said you had several emergencies come up, unfortunately that's not uncommon and I know it sucks. When I was transitioning jobs, we almost depleted our emergency fund because I didn't have an income, both our dogs got sick at the same time, etc. etc.

    Is the money from DF's parents a loan or a gift? Regardless I do think with that kind of generosity, it is pretty common for people to look at your spending habits. If you're setting aside fun money vs. building up a savings or something along those lines, it's very possible it could rub them the wrong way. You could use it as motivation to stay on track with your budgeting and saving and hopefully it feels more productive that way and not so much like you're under a microscope. I'm glad your DF's parents are so generous! That's awesome they came through.
    They say it's a gift, I'd rather pay them back. Like I said, I don't care that they can afford it, I hate taking money from people. And just to be clear, I'm not (especially at this point) setting aside any fun money. I was just referring to the past couple months. My mom said she'd help me out when I'm home (with gas, a little spending money since I haven't seen any of my friends in 3 months) and I'm so grateful for that too... I just am afraid of something being said that I went out with friends, and his parents not realizing it's on my mom's dime (again, something I do hate, but these people are all so insistent, and I would like to go out with my friends once since I just turned 21) and then flipping out on me. And I'm afraid of the 2000000 lectures his dad will try to give me. I know they will be because he cares... but his way of caring is very abrasive and repetitive and I just won't be in the mood to hear it. (He's one of those people that says "You screwed up by doing XYZ" and you take responsibility for it and recognize where you went wrong or whatever and he just keeps telling you how you screwed up, but when you do the "I know, I can't change the past, all I can do is learn for the future" he gets all defensive and accusatory of stupid shit)

    Thanks Tojai, for talking this out with me. I feel a little better
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    If you think they are going to scrutinize your spending, then hopefully you and S haven't bought each other expensive Christmas presents. If you have, it would probably be better to return them now. And instead of going out to see your friends, have them come to see you at your parent's house. This is going to sound harsh, but I think you are still having a problem with defining what is a "need" and what is a "want".
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    Quote Originally Posted by dekeoboe View Post
    If you think they are going to scrutinize your spending, then hopefully you and S haven't bought each other expensive Christmas presents. If you have, it would probably be better to return them now. And instead of going out to see your friends, have them come to see you at your parent's house. This is going to sound harsh, but I think you are still having a problem with defining what is a "need" and what is a "want".

    I agree with this. It doesn't sound like you've fully owned the fact that it wasn't just bad luck that led you to this point, either. And without that acknowledgement, you are unlikely to make better choices in the future.

    You made a move without sufficient savings, or a full time job. You spent "fun" money before you created an emergency fund, yet you say you didn't have a chance to create that fund. You did, but you didn't take it. You planned an expensive wedding and put money down, before you made a savings account.

    And there's no shame in that. In the grand scheme of things, it's not a major thing and you will recover. But make sure you absolutely own the huge hand you had in this, so that you make different choices going forward. Next time, cut out all "fun" spending until you have a nice emergency fund. And before make a big life decision like a move, make sure you are realistic and that you delay, if necessary, so that you have the financial security to weather whatever might come.

    As for having your life scrutinized, unfortunately that's the cost of borrowing or accepting money from family.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    I agree with this. It doesn't sound like you've fully owned the fact that it wasn't just bad luck that led you to this point, either. And without that acknowledgement, you are unlikely to make better choices in the future.

    You made a move without sufficient savings, or a full time job. You spent "fun" money before you created an emergency fund, yet you say you didn't have a chance to create that fund. You did, but you didn't take it. You planned an expensive wedding and put money down, before you made a savings account.

    And there's no shame in that. In the grand scheme of things, it's not a major thing and you will recover. But make sure you absolutely own the huge hand you had in this, so that you make different choices going forward. Next time, cut out all "fun" spending until you have a nice emergency fund. And before make a big life decision like a move, make sure you are realistic and that you delay, if necessary, so that you have the financial security to weather whatever might come.

    As for having your life scrutinized, unfortunately that's the cost of borrowing or accepting money from family.
    with this. I hope everything works out
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