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Thread: Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

  1. Regular Member
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    #1

    Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

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    My Marine is getting ready to go to Hawaii. He just found out last night and that is all the more info I've gotten. I called my mom and she immediately freaked out and started looking for a college for me to transfer to since I'm currently studying in Kentucky. My father and his parents seem less than enthusiastic. His mother texted me this morning and asked what our plans were since he's going so far. She told me it is something we need to talk about and to make sure we think about what that means long term and the future and that its a big decision and a big move and it needs to work for BOTH of us.
    I'm getting a very distinct vibe that she doesn't want me to move to follow her son which I can understand. She spent the first year of our relationship thinking I was using him.
    We're assuming he will leave for Hawaii once he graduates his MOS school in two weeks. I would finish my school year in Kentucky and then transfer to Hawaii at the beginning of the fall semester for 2014.
    The catch is my Marine and I have been seriously discussing getting engaged next time he's home (we've been talking about it for almost a year) and getting married this summer which would put me in Hawaii for school anyway but he said he understands if I don't want to move my life that far on such short notice. We're not sure how our parents would feel about this as we're still young (18 & 19) but we've been together for three and a half years.

    So now I'm asking for advice, stay or go?

    Thanks in advance!
    Last edited by MrsB; 12-02-2013 at 05:29 PM.
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by MrsB View Post
    My Marine is getting ready to go to Hawaii. He just found out last night and that is all the more info I've gotten. I called my mom and she immediately freaked out and started looking for a college for me to transfer to since I'm currently studying in Kentucky. My father and his parents seem less than enthusiastic. His mother texted me this morning and asked what our plans were since he's going so far. She told me it is something we need to talk about and to make sure we think about what that means long term and the future and that its a big decision and a big move and it needs to work for BOTH of us.
    I'm getting a very distinct vibe that she doesn't want me to move to follow her son which I can understand. She spent the first year of our relationship thinking I was using him.
    We're assuming he will leave for Hawaii once he graduates his MOS school in two weeks. I would finish my school year in Kentucky and then transfer to Hawaii at the beginning of the fall semester for 2014.
    The catch is my Marine and I have been discussing getting engaged next time he's home and getting married this summer which would put me in Hawaii for school anyway but he said he understands if I don't want to move my life that far on such short notice. We're not sure how our parents would feel about this as we're still young (18 & 19) but we've been together for three and a half years.

    So now I'm asking for advice, stay or go?

    Thanks in advance!
    So you are not currently married? - I know your post says you are discussing engagement, but your user name is "mrs" so I want to be sure I have it clear before responding.
  3. "If you don't like my attitude, quit talking to me"
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    *I* Would not move overseas with a boyfriend. I would only go if I was married, or soon to be married. Not a 'talk' of getting engaged, but engaged with an actual date set.

    But that is me, and what I would do. There are so many factors to consider. What's the main reason you want to go? Is it because of an LDR, or something else?

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    #4
    Married or not, you should finish your schooling before going anywhere. JMO.

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    #5
    If you aren't married, I absolutely would not go. By the time you apply to colleges, get accepted, and start, a year or more will have likely passed.

    You will probably lose some credits in the transfer, meaning it will take longer. You'll be paying out of state tuition rates. And he could very well transfer again before you graduate, especially if it takes longer with a but gap for applications and with needed more classes due to things not transferring or different requirements.

    And rushing to get married just so you can follow him is a bad idea, especially if it means creating difficulties and tensions with your families.
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    #6
    So you will or will not be married before you would move to HI? I ask because if you will not be legally married and enrolled with DEERS prior to him receiving the orders and moving that is a whole other ball of wax as far as the expenses of moving yourself to HI and where he is/isn't able to live (meaning in the barracks or with you in a home of your own), etc. Have you considered the expense of living in HI - the cost of living there is exponentially higher than here on the mainland. Will you work, are you able to support yourself/ves with no pay from you coming in if it takes a while to find a job for you or if you do not work at all during your time there?
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    #7
    We've been "discussing" engagement for a year now with the idea to get married this summer. We're not actually married but I've gotten used to hearing "Mrs." because that's how he often refers to me. Last night he was trying to figure out how to get me on his bank account and to give me POA of his stuff.

    I want to go because there's not much keeping me here and I'd like to be closer to my Marine. My family and I don't really get along, I have few friends and already being in a different state than them has made seeing them rather hard. I don't have a job in Kentucky and don't have one back at home. I have no ties to the midwest so I don't see leaving it to be a big deal.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Rissa*Rawr View Post
    Married or not, you should finish your schooling before going anywhere. JMO.


    Also, it's basically impossible to live in Hawaii without being married. If he's single he'll most likely have to live in the barracks, which leaves you trying to find a place to live by yourself and it is EXPENSIVE. Not even just rent; think of basically anything you buy and it is more expensive in Hawaii. And it's a really bad idea to get married just so you don't have to be apart.

    This may seem harsh but imo, it's stupid to relocate for a boyfriend instead of finishing school. Even if you transfer to the school in Hawaii, you're probably gonna have to retake some credits that don't transfer and I can almost guarantee you it's going to cost an assload more than your school in Kentucky. Even the community college in Hawaii was going to cost me THREE TIMES more than my tuition here in Florida, and that's with a waiver so I wasn't paying out of state fees. I ended up leaving my husband in Hawaii and coming home to finish school because that was not worth it to me.
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    #9
    The tension has been there with my family for a long time. My father despises our relationship because we are so young, my mother doesn't care. His parents have seemed fairly supportive up to this point. I had planned to move into a dorm on campus until we can get married and get things done.

    The cost of the school including room and board is actually less than where I am now by about $10,000. Which really surprised me.
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    #10
    Something else to consider, OP, if you do move to HI - have you thought about what you will do if/when he then turns around and is deployed? Then you are in HI, still LDR and farther from home/family, having given up the school you were in, etc.
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