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Thread: The biggest decision of our lives...

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    The biggest decision of our lives...

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    Hello, I'm new to this site. I am dealing with the big decision, should my husband join the Air Force? I really need some advice. I am extremely attached to my mom and sisters and am terrified of being somewhere without them for any length of time. I am now attached to my Husbands family too! But, I am loving every minute of it. He has a huge family, 5 brothers and a sister, and they all have excepted me as their own. His dad and I are close too which is nice considering that I don't know my dad too well. Anyways, my husband has been considering the Air Force since high school. He has come to the decision that he would love to do it, and I am supportive with it but I am scared as all get out! He and I are super close. We do everything together. When we are apart it is the hardest thing ever. I guess what I need is advice on how to just except that he will be in Basic and I wont see him, then for technical it will be similar,so how do you get through it? How do I get through deployment without my family a drive across town? I keep hearing "stay busy" but I need more then that for advice. I don't have any close friends who understand what I'm going through, their suggestion is, "tell him not to go" but I can't do that! I am his wife and I will be supportive the best ways I can! I need to stay strong so I can be strong for him. anyways, any advice is greatly appreciated!(:
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleSnyder View Post
    Hello, I'm new to this site. I am dealing with the big decision, should my husband join the Air Force? I really need some advice. I am extremely attached to my mom and sisters and am terrified of being somewhere without them for any length of time. I am now attached to my Husbands family too! But, I am loving every minute of it. He has a huge family, 5 brothers and a sister, and they all have excepted me as their own. His dad and I are close too which is nice considering that I don't know my dad too well. Anyways, my husband has been considering the Air Force since high school. He has come to the decision that he would love to do it, and I am supportive with it but I am scared as all get out! He and I are super close. We do everything together. When we are apart it is the hardest thing ever. I guess what I need is advice on how to just except that he will be in Basic and I wont see him, then for technical it will be similar,so how do you get through it? How do I get through deployment without my family a drive across town? I keep hearing "stay busy" but I need more then that for advice. I don't have any close friends who understand what I'm going through, their suggestion is, "tell him not to go" but I can't do that! I am his wife and I will be supportive the best ways I can! I need to stay strong so I can be strong for him. anyways, any advice is greatly appreciated!(:
    Has your husband gone in and talked to a recruiter yet? Don't stress about things that are really far away such as tech school or even farther away like a deployment. Focus on the hear and now.
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    Actually, if you don't want him to go, you can tell him that. This is a decision you both need to make. Together. His desires are no more important than his.

    I'm not saying he shouldn't go. But I think you need to value your own opinions enough to express them to him, and respect him enough to tell him your true feelings. Then, you can come to a decision together.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    Yeah he has, they came and knocked on our door wanting him to join. I just want to know what I'm getting into, you know?
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    Actually, if you don't want him to go, you can tell him that. This is a decision you both need to make. Together. His desires are no more important than his.

    I'm not saying he shouldn't go. But I think you need to value your own opinions enough to express them to him, and respect him enough to tell him your true feelings. Then, you can come to a decision together.
    as his wife, what he does will affect you. I'm not saying you can forbid him from joining but definitely let him know how you feel and discuss how this could affect you, him and the marriage. In the end you both have to make the decision that is best for both of you.
  6. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Be-Bo View Post
    Has your husband gone in and talked to a recruiter yet? Don't stress about things that are really far away such as tech school or even farther away like a deployment. Focus on the hear and now.
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    Actually, if you don't want him to go, you can tell him that. This is a decision you both need to make. Together. His desires are no more important than his.

    I'm not saying he shouldn't go. But I think you need to value your own opinions enough to express them to him, and respect him enough to tell him your true feelings. Then, you can come to a decision together.
    I agree with both of these.

    This is a decision you two need to make together - weighing every single pro and con. You need to hear each other. You need to decide what is best for you and your marriage.

    And if he does go? Simply take it one day at a time. Maybe you could both learn a lot from the experience.
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    #7
    Some things I would advise considering:
    Why does he want to join? Is it the military culture? Desire to learn a technical skill? Why the Air force? Would another branch be okay?

    What point are you at in your lives? Are you guys in school? About to become parents? If your husband joins the military, he will have to go away to train, will likely deploy, will go on assignments, no matter what else is happening. If you have a lot of critical issues like medical problems or a family member that needs care, it may be very difficult to balance that. Not saying it WILL, just maybe.

    Also keep in mind that many recruiters will not be entirely truthful so whatever they promised your DH should be quadruple checked to make sure it is a reasonable expectation, such as signing bonuses or anything.
    WiggleWiggle~ is my Wifey
  8. Pour a little salt, we were never here
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    Well, it's hard to say what you're getting into because it ends up so differently for everyone. His career choice will dictate a lot in terms of what hours he works, how many TDYs he goes on, for how long, and how frequently he deploys and where he can be stationed. I had a hard time adjusting to DH being gone at all (like even two day trips upset me greatly), it legit took me about three years to be rational and calm about it and to see the enormous benefits his job provided us and our life together.
  9. I miss Target & Trader Joe's, open roads & the smell of home
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleSnyder View Post
    Hello, I'm new to this site. I am dealing with the big decision, should my husband join the Air Force? I really need some advice. I am extremely attached to my mom and sisters and am terrified of being somewhere without them for any length of time. I am now attached to my Husbands family too! But, I am loving every minute of it. He has a huge family, 5 brothers and a sister, and they all have excepted me as their own. His dad and I are close too which is nice considering that I don't know my dad too well. Anyways, my husband has been considering the Air Force since high school. He has come to the decision that he would love to do it, and I am supportive with it but I am scared as all get out! He and I are super close. We do everything together. When we are apart it is the hardest thing ever. I guess what I need is advice on how to just except that he will be in Basic and I wont see him, then for technical it will be similar,so how do you get through it? How do I get through deployment without my family a drive across town? I keep hearing "stay busy" but I need more then that for advice. I don't have any close friends who understand what I'm going through, their suggestion is, "tell him not to go" but I can't do that! I am his wife and I will be supportive the best ways I can! I need to stay strong so I can be strong for him. anyways, any advice is greatly appreciated!(:
    When your husband signs up for the military, so do you. And so does your future family (if that's in the cards). It's gotta be a decision for both of you to join the military life, not just his. You'll be part of it too...
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    #10
    I'm confused. Your first question is, should your husband join the Air Force? Then you say you will support him and not tell him no. This is a huge decision that you need to make together. We are strangers on a message board, we can't make the decision for you. The military life isn't for everyone. You don't want to be resentful towards your husband down the road because you won't tell him "don't do it"
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