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Thread: How can I help my neighbor? Would it be appropriate?

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    #1

    How can I help my neighbor? Would it be appropriate?

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    Hi, everyone!

    I have only met my neighbors one time and it was very brief. My husband just found out that our neighbor had to be flown to TX for mental health issues. This leaves the wife and their two very young children here in the butthole of MT by themselves. I know the wife has no friends and generally hates everyone in the Air Force because of the treatment her husband has received (hence why he is getting mental health help). I heard they're staying by themselves for the holidays. My husband volunteered to keep their drive way shoveled. How can I help her?? I don't want to intrude. I don't know if it's appropriate for me to go knock on her door and ask if she's doing okay, but I'd like to help them in any way.
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    #2
    I would first start by asking her to come over for a cup of coffee one day. Just try and get to know her a little bit first. After coffee, lunch, whatever...let her know if she needs anything, to ask, and you'll do your best to help her out.
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    #3
    Go over, introduce yourself (take along some cookies!!) and let her know that you are available if she needs anything. That you would be glad to baby-sit or whatever. That your door is always open. And invite them to Thanksgiving dinner and for Christmas.
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Sally View Post
    Go over, introduce yourself (take along some cookies!!) and let her know that you are available if she needs anything. That you would be glad to baby-sit or whatever. That your door is always open. And invite them to Thanksgiving dinner and for Christmas.

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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Sally View Post
    Go over, introduce yourself (take along some cookies!!) and let her know that you are available if she needs anything. That you would be glad to baby-sit or whatever. That your door is always open. And invite them to Thanksgiving dinner and for Christmas.
    Pretty much this. It always feels awkward but the best thing you can do is go over and reach out!
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    #6
    Agree with Sally and Emma...

    Its not inappropriate to go over and make conversation and just offer help and definitely invite her over for the holidays.
    We invite airmen over all the time because most are here alone. We don't know them, they are just either in hubby's squadron or one's we have met through friends. No one really wants to be alone @ the holidays do they?

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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Sally View Post
    Go over, introduce yourself (take along some cookies!!) and let her know that you are available if she needs anything. That you would be glad to baby-sit or whatever. That your door is always open. And invite them to Thanksgiving dinner and for Christmas.

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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Sally View Post
    Go over, introduce yourself (take along some cookies!!) and let her know that you are available if she needs anything. That you would be glad to baby-sit or whatever. That your door is always open. And invite them to Thanksgiving dinner and for Christmas.


    I don't see this as intruding at all and would be a nice way to let her know that you are thinking about her and her family. The other thing I would add is: stay in touch. It sounds like her husband just recently left and she might be a little raw/emotional/upset still. While you might not get the warmest reception initially, you could always take something over for New Year's or something down the road to let her know that you are still wishing the best for her and that you are still there if she needs you.
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    #9
    All good advice above Will you be home for the holidays?
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    #10
    I agree with Emma and Sally - just go talk to her. Don't talk about her circumstances right now, other than maybe a passing " I know your husband's not home right now, so please let us know..." and then, just stop by and say hi. Maybe if you run to the commissary, ask if she'd like to go or if you could pick something up for her. Ask if her kids would like to walk over to the park for an hour, you'll take them so she can have a break.

    Always have a little something in mind - sometimes a general "call if you need anything" seems insincere to some people and you'll never hear from them. If you offer specific things and right now things, it can be a lot more helpful.

    Also, definitely leave her your mobile number and tell her to call or TEXT any time (a lot of people prefer to text, and she may find it easier to text) but ask for her number and just shoot her a text every now and then and ask her how it's going.


    The biggest, #1 thing you can do though, is DON'T ask her about what's going on with her husband. Of course, listen if she needs to talk, but you don't want to risk her shutting down thinking people just want gossip or just want to know what's going on. I'm not saying that's what you're doing, it's just something I've experienced with Key Spouse stuff. If people start asking about the situation, the person you are wanting to help may shut down and retreat.
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