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Thread: Recontacting a friend

  1. Team Rocket
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    #1

    Recontacting a friend

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    So, I have a dilemma. A girl that I was really good friends with for like 6 years removed herself from my life (along with all our other friends) rather suddenly. It was right after DH and I got engaged and there were rumors she was upset my life was going really well and hers wasn't. I don't know, she wasn't willing to be straight with me. Shortly after she stopping talking to me, she dropped out of college, moved without telling anyone, and stopped pretty much all contact with people. This was like... a year and a half ago.

    She had been suffering from some mental illnesses for a while but assured me and our other friends that she was in therapy and taking her medication. Apparently it wasn't going so well. Just very recently (like in the last 2 weeks) she's started posting on FB about how she's finally working through her problems and getting help, etc.

    I want to recontact her but I don't know. I'm still very hurt about how she just left without a word to anyone. It was literally one day she said she was planning my engagement party and the next she got rid of her phone and no one heard from her again. I don't blame her for needing to run away and deal with her problems but I (and all our other friends) were really hurt that she couldn't even say "hey, I need some time to myself and I'm moving".

    But I miss her. She was a really good friend who didn't usually flake out for 18 months without warning, and I think maybe now if she feels comfortable posting on FB about how she's doing better, maybe we could be friends again?

    Kinda rambly, sorry Basically, would you recontact her? I'm not sure what to do.
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  2. Pour a little salt, we were never here
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    #2
    If you miss her, I would try. I would go into knowing that your feelings might get hurt again, so I guess the decision for me would be if that risk was worth possibly having her back as a friend.
  3. Banned
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    #3
    I would. If you miss her, it wouldn't hurt trying to reach out to her. Just prepare yourself for getting no response and ask yourself how you'd feel if that were to happen.
  4. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #4
    If you miss her and want to reach out to her I'd say give it a try. Worst that will happen is that she'll avoid you or reject your olive branch.

    Obviously I don't know what was going on with this girl but it must have been pretty serious for her to disappear the way she did. I sort of did that once when I left college and all of my friends in the middle of a semester. Something awful had happened to me that I was just not able or willing to talk about at the time, I was lost and basically just a mess. If she broke contact with your other friends and not just you I'd bet it was way more about her than about anything you did (just a guess of course). Try to look past the hurt she caused you and see that it may have just been something she needed. I've gotten back into touch with my friends and am so grateful to have them. At the time I couldn't be around anybody that reminded me of what I had been through -- it didn't mean I didn't love or care for those friends, KWIM?

    Maybe she was jealous of you. Maybe. Sounds like there was something way deeper going on though and IMO it is kinder and better for both of you if you give her the benefit of the doubt.
  5. Team Rocket
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by [his] lobster View Post
    If you miss her, I would try. I would go into knowing that your feelings might get hurt again, so I guess the decision for me would be if that risk was worth possibly having her back as a friend.
    Quote Originally Posted by Reagan View Post
    I would. If you miss her, it wouldn't hurt trying to reach out to her. Just prepare yourself for getting no response and ask yourself how you'd feel if that were to happen.
    Hmm, I suppose if she didn't respond, I'd feel disappointed but not really surprised. Other people and I have tried to contact her on and off over the 18 months or so and rarely gotten a reply. She popped up out of the blue and helped a friend with homework once via Skype, and she sent another friend a message asking for her address but nothing ever came in the mail I felt kinda bad about how we all gossiped but we were all so worried and didn't even know what city she'd moved to for a while.
    Quote Originally Posted by lavender_jane View Post
    If you miss her and want to reach out to her I'd say give it a try. Worst that will happen is that she'll avoid you or reject your olive branch.

    Obviously I don't know what was going on with this girl but it must have been pretty serious for her to disappear the way she did. I sort of did that once when I left college and all of my friends in the middle of a semester. Something awful had happened to me that I was just not able or willing to talk about at the time, I was lost and basically just a mess. If she broke contact with your other friends and not just you I'd bet it was way more about her than about anything you did (just a guess of course). Try to look past the hurt she caused you and see that it may have just been something she needed. I've gotten back into touch with my friends and am so grateful to have them. At the time I couldn't be around anybody that reminded me of what I had been through -- it didn't mean I didn't love or care for those friends, KWIM?

    Maybe she was jealous of you. Maybe. Sounds like there was something way deeper going on though and IMO it is kinder and better for both of you if you give her the benefit of the doubt.
    I don't think it was really one specific event but a culmination of many things and an inability to work through it in her current situation, for whatever reason. She has a long history of being abused and depression and suicide attempts but she made it seem like it was all very much under control so I think I was just taken aback that it suddenly wasn't, kwim? I don't know for sure whether she was jealous of me but I was the first one in our group of friends to go to grad school, get a real job, get engaged and move out of the shithole we lived in, so there was speculation that she was jealous or upset. I totally get needing to run away though, it's why I went to Japan for a year
    WiggleWiggle~ is my Wifey
  6. Senior Member
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    #6
    I would recontact her, but only if I felt I was *truly* ready to let go of the past hurts. Without that, I think it would just be setting both of us up to be hurt again.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #7
    I recently reconnected with a friend who I had a falling out with. feelings were hurt etc. It feels good to talk to her, even just to kind of catch up on things. It's not like a day-day friendship yet but I don't feel like I miss her anymore. Maybe one day we will be as close as we were but some of it is just growing up and growing apart too.
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    #8
    I wouldn't. I am a huge huge grudge holder. If it were me, the treatment I received would be unrepairable. I gave someone a chance one and it flew back and smacked me dead in the face and left a bigger hurt than the hurt that caused the rift in the beginning. So every since than, nope....
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Caity Rose View Post
    I recently reconnected with a friend who I had a falling out with. feelings were hurt etc. It feels good to talk to her, even just to kind of catch up on things. It's not like a day-day friendship yet but I don't feel like I miss her anymore. Maybe one day we will be as close as we were but some of it is just growing up and growing apart too.
    I'm in the same situation here too. I would try to reach out to her but definitely be prepared just incase you don't get a response.

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