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Thread: Need some advice ASAP!

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    Need some advice ASAP!

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    Hey guys! I am brand new to this site, but figured it would be a great place to start when seeking advice about the military. So, my boyfriend, well fiance now, who I have been with for three years is deploying in June. I want to have a real wedding, but would not be able to have it before he left for certain reasons. He brought up just signing the papers and then when he comes back have the big wedding, but I'm not sure how I feel about this or if it is a good idea. Another thing that is adding stress to this situation is the fact that he doesn't know what he wants to do when he gets back in terms of staying in the Army or getting out. I just have no clue what to do or how any of this is going to play out. Before we found out he was deploying we were originally going to wait to get married until next year anyways, but since he is supposed to deploy now I don't want him to leave without us being married. I don't know if anyone else has felt this way or has personally gone through this, but I really need help! I absolutely do not know what to do! Please give any advice that you may have!!
  2. Pour a little salt, we were never here
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    #2
    My DH and I got married and then had a big wedding later, but it wasn't due to deployment. I don't think I would use deployment as a reason to move up getting married, I would probably wait until after and get married how you originally planned and wanted to.
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    #3
    A lot of us on this site (myself included) had small legal weddings. Some for convenience, some because of personal preference. Some had a big wedding later, some didn't.

    Yes, there are some advantages to being married prior to deployment, but there are also people who date all through deployment.

    It really comes down to personal preference.


    For me, my DH had come home early from one deployment to be on standby for another deployment. And it was important to him that we be married prior to him deploying again.

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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by [his] lobster View Post
    My DH and I got married and then had a big wedding later, but it wasn't due to deployment. I don't think I would use deployment as a reason to move up getting married, I would probably wait until after and get married how you originally planned and wanted to.

    I would just wait and have the big wedding when he gets back.

  5. Dancing Backwards in High Heels
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Mac1027 View Post
    Hey guys! I am brand new to this site, but figured it would be a great place to start when seeking advice about the military. So, my boyfriend, well fiance now, who I have been with for three years is deploying in June. I want to have a real wedding, but would not be able to have it before he left for certain reasons. He brought up just signing the papers and then when he comes back have the big wedding, but I'm not sure how I feel about this or if it is a good idea. Another thing that is adding stress to this situation is the fact that he doesn't know what he wants to do when he gets back in terms of staying in the Army or getting out. I just have no clue what to do or how any of this is going to play out. Before we found out he was deploying we were originally going to wait to get married until next year anyways, but since he is supposed to deploy now I don't want him to leave without us being married. I don't know if anyone else has felt this way or has personally gone through this, but I really need help! I absolutely do not know what to do! Please give any advice that you may have!!
    Why don't you want him to leave without you being married?

    Also, if he isn't leaving until June, you do have time to get married with a big wedding, I know its possible because it is what I did! Don't sacrifice your dreams of a big wedding for very little extra money. Wait until you can have the wedding you want.
  6. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Mac1027 View Post
    Hey guys! I am brand new to this site, but figured it would be a great place to start when seeking advice about the military. So, my boyfriend, well fiance now, who I have been with for three years is deploying in June. I want to have a real wedding, but would not be able to have it before he left for certain reasons. He brought up just signing the papers and then when he comes back have the big wedding, but I'm not sure how I feel about this or if it is a good idea. Another thing that is adding stress to this situation is the fact that he doesn't know what he wants to do when he gets back in terms of staying in the Army or getting out. I just have no clue what to do or how any of this is going to play out. Before we found out he was deploying we were originally going to wait to get married until next year anyways, but since he is supposed to deploy now I don't want him to leave without us being married. I don't know if anyone else has felt this way or has personally gone through this, but I really need help! I absolutely do not know what to do! Please give any advice that you may have!!
    Why?

    I dated my DH through our first deployment and we were engaged for his second. We didn't get married until he got back and we had our dream wedding. What's the rush? Why does deployment change things?
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    #7
    DH and I "signed the papers" so to speak while he was on leave, en route to his duty station, in Germany. We had a small little ceremony with only our parents and siblings. Now we are planning our big ceremony for in a few years, when the time is more convenient to bring together all of our extended family and friends to celebrate our love. But, to me, the papers are just that, papers. They dont mean anything to me other than getting to move with DH. What matters to me is our relationship, not what some piece of paper states. But if you aren't sure about it, I would prolly wait. It isnt something you should rush into. If you wanted to wait until after deployment, it will only give you more time to plan it the way you want it to be, instead of settling for something you dont really want.

    One thing I was confused about was how does him being unsure about what his next career move make a difference on if you guys will get married?
  8. I'm an enlisted 6-star General, Air Coast Force Guard
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    #8
    Until this deployment came up, you were not planning to get married until next year. So . . . get married next year.
  9. Account Closed
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    #9
    With this lifestyle, unfortunately, you may never have the peace of mind of knowing how anything will play out. That was an obstacle of mine early in our relationship - but you have to adjust.

    As for the deployment, like others have echoed... why not wait like you originally intended? I get the 'want'... but are your reasons for hurrying the process really crucial? I mean, he's going either way - what would a wedding/marriage certificate change? I went through a deployment as a G/F - we wanted to get married but knew that waiting for the kind of wedding we wanted, with our families, was more important than 'being married right now'. And as much as it sucked to make the decision to wait - we knew it was the right choice. All the good things in life are worth waiting for!
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by br33 View Post
    With this lifestyle, unfortunately, you may never have the peace of mind of knowing how anything will play out. That was an obstacle of mine early in our relationship - but you have to adjust.

    As for the deployment, like others have echoed... why not wait like you originally intended? I get the 'want'... but are your reasons for hurrying the process really crucial? I mean, he's going either way - what would a wedding/marriage certificate change? I went through a deployment as a G/F - we wanted to get married but knew that waiting for the kind of wedding we wanted, with our families, was more important than 'being married right now'. And as much as it sucked to make the decision to wait - we knew it was the right choice. All the good things in life are worth waiting for!
    I agree!!! The piece of paper doesnt really change anything for a deployment. And heck, for our "big ceremony", I've already had to change the year entirely 3 times in the past 2 months! haha It happens. You just have to learn to roll with the punches and decide what is really important for you and your DF. If it isnt "necessary", why not wait and do everything how you want?
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