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Thread: New and Clueless

  1. Fresh Newbie
    Alexalooney's Avatar
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    #1

    New and Clueless

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    Im 18 and my sailor is 24. We've been together for 8 months now and he goes out for his first deployment very soon. Im not only new to the whole "military" relationship but this is also my first real relationship.
    Im having a hard time dealing with the fact that he will be gone for months with no contact at some points in his deployment. How do you women do it?
    Also, is it hard when they come back? is it weird and awkward? This man is my best friend and i just want it to pick up right where we left off when he comes back.
    I figured I'd spend time making short term goals while he is gone to keep myself occupied.
    i just need advice to help console me when i feel like my heart is about to jump from my body because it aches so much and longs to be with my partner. How do i deal with it? Is it normal to cry on a weekly basis? Is it normal to sleep with his clothes? Is it normal to lose sleep wondering what hes doing and if hes okay? Is it normal to worry if he doesnt miss me, or wonder if he'll still feel the same about me when he gets back, even though i know he will?

    So many questions. I do apologize but im not only worried...im scared. Ive never done this before i dont want to be too clingy or end up being too distant because i think im being too clingy. I just want to be a good girlfriend...i want to be strong for him.
  2. Banned
    gunsgirl's Avatar
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    #2
    hi, I live here where you are

    we do it because we have to, yes it is hard, but we stay busy, live life.

    coming home is always an adjustment, we change our lives when we are solo ( not single,,,,,, solo), we eat when we want, go to bed when we want, have complete control over the remote ect. so when they come home it is an adjustment, for us and for them.

    the one thing to learn young is to trust each other completely, and to talk,,,, talk,,,,, talk..... communication is the most important thing in a relationship, learning to not take things he says and does personally, knowing that he will do things out of character when he is away- I don't mean cheating, but going out, playing golf if he never has played before, seeing movies that he would not see with you,,, when they pull into port their main goal is to get off the boat, to get out, to let loose, so they do things they normally wouldn't because it is what is available when they are there.

    you will need to learn to be strong, and it will come if you dedicated and your honest with yourself, we all have moments of weakness and we just wake up the next day and say to ourselves that it is another day gone, and another day closer to them coming home.
  3. Senior Member
    SinisterLex's Avatar
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by gunsgirl View Post
    the one thing to learn young is to trust each other completely, and to talk,,,, talk,,,,, talk..... communication is the most important thing in a relationship, learning to not take things he says and does personally, knowing that he will do things out of character when he is away
    100% agree with this. You have to communicate in order to make it work, and it goes beyond talking. Saying I love you a 1000 times is one thing, but making a real connection despite distance is a whole different ball game and it takes a lot of work. Little things will seem like big obstacles and you have to learn to work with each other to overcome them.

    At 18 you may want to evaluate your situation before going much further. I don't want to discourage you from continuing on this journey but if this is your first relationship and the two of you are just dating, then you have rough seas ahead. It will be worth your time to seriously consider where you are in life right now vs. where you want to be in the next several years. The military requires a LOT of compromising from both partners in order to reach their goals.

    If you feel you're up to the challenge then I say continue on, communicate, and keep a positive attitude and you'll make it just fine.
  4. Fresh Newbie
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    #4
    Communication is very important to the both of us, we both understand that without out that, we have nothing. You cant build a house on a rough foundation.
    This relationship is very special to me, not just because its the first real relationship I've had, but because were in it to better each other, see each other succeed in what ever the other wants to do and be. The feelings are strong, but we have a great friendship. Which is something that I put first most.
    Hes always pushing me to do better, which makes me want to do just that. For us and for ME.
    Im willing to do anything I need to do for us and myself to have a good life.
    I just want to know that it is possible, possible for us to be together, and love each other for a lifetime. I don't want my age to have to be a problem, my immaturity and less dealing with life problems to BE a problem. I still have growing up to do. But I have so much faith. We have a better relationship than most couples I see.
    I know its going to be hard, but if you guys can do it, I know I can.
    Because the outcome, of knowing that when he comes home, I have been working on me and by default that will make us better, will be worth more than anything I've ever had in any other highschool relationship. Knowing that he'll be coming home to me, and our life. And knowing that for all those months he's away, He will know that I am counting down the days and waiting to have him wrap his arms around me. Thats more rewarding than anything another relationship could offer.
    Im ready to take, and overcome the challenges of being a military girlfriend. I come to this site for inspiration. To know that if there are couples out there that can do it, so can I. Age is only a number, What matters is if I'm ready to grow a little bit and take the steps I need to, to be a loving, caring, strong, independent woman. Because it takes a certain type of woman to handle the obstacles at hand in a relationship such as these.
  5. Fresh Newbie
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    #5
    This is crazy, I'm in the exact same boat as you! (Minus the sailor thing, mine's an Army man) Everything you've said about your age, how long you've been dating, his deployment, and how you feel about each other is honestly so close to where I am and how I'm feeling. I'm just so excited because I've yet to meet someone who is going through the same situation in the same place in their life, and it really makes me feel better about everything. Its really hard to experience something like dating within the military, because you know its going to be hard, and everybody else tells you its going to be hard, but nobody has actually been where you've been. Its not something you can just talk to anybody about, because you never really feel like they get it. It's my first really serious relationship as well, and I could basically copy and paste what you said about your guy right about now. I'm so happy for you! And you're obviously completely capable of handling this. I think military girlfriends are a special kind of tough, I think we were built for this kind of relationship and the obstacles it throws at us. I only joined this site yesterday and it has helped me realize that we really do all have that in common. And that we're not alone. You're not alone! Don't ever feel like you need to bottle it up.

    Message me any time! Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with all the wives and the baby belly pictures, so it's nice to talk to some one who's not already married. I'm just getting started too, and as I'm sure you can understand, I'm in it for the long haul. The struggle for us is just as real.
  6. Old Newbie
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    #6
    I totally understand the being in between distant and clingy issue. I question it all the time myself because I want to show that I care but I also don't want to overwhelm by SO by doing it too much, especially when he is busy with his job.

    In terms of that issue: I would talk to him about what he wants in terms of communication. I asked my SO what he wanted me to do in terms of communication before he went to the field and it was really helpful to hear from him what he wanted. So I would try asking him.

    As for the worrying about missing you and feelings changing: I totally understand that 100%. I am currently worrying about that right now but all I can say to myself and to you is that he is in this relationship with you because he cares about you. I don't think any military guy would get into a relationship unless it meant something because they are aware of all the times they are gone.

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