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Thread: Does everyone go through this?

  1. daj
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    #1

    Does everyone go through this?

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    Hi everyone, newbie here.
    My boyfriend and I dated a few years ago and we met up finally after 3 years when he returned from basic. We both agreed that we still loved each other and decided to try again. It was an amazing time to get to learn about each other all over again. He left a week later for MCT and he is now in school. During his time away we both discussed getting married and being together for the long run. Generally there is no fighting and we've been getting along great. We both decided to get eloped for obvious reasons and he has had me tell my family, buy a dress, look at rings ect. He would tell me how excited he was for when I went out for the Marine ball and finally saw him and to discuss everything. He finally picked up for school a few weeks ago and has been stressing out. I've tried to always be there for him and not get mad at what little time we have to talk (we have fought a few times over the time we have but nothing super serious in my opinion) Well just a few days ago, he gets a serious tone with me and says hes worried about us eloping and how planned out everything is. He said we needed to take a step back and that we became official too soon. He says he can't give me the attention I need or deserve and I told him if we're taking a step back that I did not want to go to the ball and pretend like everything was okay when I finally visited. He doesn't want to answer my calls and sends me short replies to the long texts I send him. He says he's too stressed about school and his family is not doing too well and the ball weekend he has to go visit some family and that he has cancelled my ticket. I thought taking a step back would be alright and that in the end we would be fine but I can't stop worrying about it and how sudden it all happened. I don't know what to do because last time we separated it was a horrible, horrible experience for me. Sorry for the long explanation but I do not know what to do.
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    What do you do? The only thing you really can do. Believe a man when he tells you he doesn't want to be with you. I know it's hard, and it hurts, and it's okay to be sad and confused.. But when a man says he can live with out you--no matter what reason he gives you--go out and find someone who can't imagine his life without you in it.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    What do you do? The only thing you really can do. Believe a man when he tells you he doesn't want to be with you. I know it's hard, and it hurts, and it's okay to be sad and confused.. But when a man says he can live with out you--no matter what reason he gives you--go out and find someone who can't imagine his life without you in it.
    This is amazing advice. to you OP

  4. daj
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    Its so confusing though, i asked him today if he loved me and wanted to be with me and he said yes, and he said he wanted to be with me when he is away from this place (school) and when he has less going on. I would rather know that we went through hard times with this and came out still together than to just give up when it got rough and pick back up when it's "easier"
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    Keep in mind that people aren't honest when they break up. The don't want to hurt a person they like and generally care about. Who wants to say, "no, I don't love you" to a person they've had a relationship with? Who wants to say, "No, we have no future together and I don't want to be with you no matter the circumstances." So people sort of accidentally end up lying and/or making it worse for the Ex by expressing feelings and concerns that are misleading.

    And again, this man has looked at you in his life and decided he can do without you. Why would you ever lower yourself to be with someone who can give or take you, or who only wants to deal with being in a relationship with you when it's convenient for him and he "has less going on"? If you loved and cared about someone, wouldn't you do whatever it took to have them in your life? And it isn't like there is some huge, insurmountable challenge like him going to Mars for 5 years with no communication and not knowing when he'll make it back. He's "busy" and that's enough to make him give you up.

    Everyone deserves to be with someone who will fight like hell to keep them around, not treat them like they are disposable and nice to have around when it is convenient.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    What do you do? The only thing you really can do. Believe a man when he tells you he doesn't want to be with you. I know it's hard, and it hurts, and it's okay to be sad and confused.. But when a man says he can live with out you--no matter what reason he gives you--go out and find someone who can't imagine his life without you in it.
    ditto!
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    #7
    Schools can be very stressfull on people. My husband just did a 10 month long school and I still stand to this idea is I would rather have taken a deployment any day over this school. He couldn't pay as much attention to me as he probably would have like and i would have liked. We both said lots of mean things to each other cause of the stress. Add family issues on top of that and its ugly.

    It could very well be the school talking.

    Now I think there is also good advise here too. At the end of the day it will all be tough.

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