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Thread: going out with male friends?

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    going out with male friends?

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    So Im having this issue. I have a couple childhood friends that are coming into town for thanksgiving and christmas. All of these friends are males, but some of them have admitted to having some sort of feelings for me in the past. But of course they know that were just friends.

    I asked DF if it would be cool if i went to the movies to watch insidious chapter 2 with my friend steven. He said it was cool and he trusted me. Of course this kid has been like my brother since our families met when i was in kindergarten.

    Well the issue im having here is these other friends i have coming down in christmas and thanksgiving, i havent known as long as ive know my friend steven and i dont know if i should literally ask DF if i can go out with them everytime we decide to go out. Or if its even appropriate for me to go out alone with them. I know when you go out with a male and its just you two most people assume your together.

    With me living in a small county theres pretty much one mall and one movie theater and one bowling ally that everyone goes too. Im obviously concerned that if i decide to go out with one of them one night and one of DF's friends sees me out there probably gonna go tell him that im like cheating on him or something, because everyone that lives here lovesss starting drama...

    My question is do you tell your SO everytime you go out with just the opposite sex? Should i even go out alone with the opposite sex? Im totally lost here

    i havent had this problem because my male friends usually only visit maybe once a year (most are in the military)

  2. verabot89
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    #2
    I think in this case, in the case of childhood/very long term friends, it's not inappropriate. Why dont you just have a conversation with your DF and see how he feels about it. You can tell him what you wrote here, and that you want to see your long term friends, but don't want to make him uncomfortable. You can also invite your DF along to hang out.
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by nicolee View Post
    So Im having this issue. I have a couple childhood friends that are coming into town for thanksgiving and christmas. All of these friends are males, but some of them have admitted to having some sort of feelings for me in the past. But of course they know that were just friends.

    I asked DF if it would be cool if i went to the movies to watch insidious chapter 2 with my friend steven. He said it was cool and he trusted me. Of course this kid has been like my brother since our families met when i was in kindergarten.

    Well the issue im having here is these other friends i have coming down in christmas and thanksgiving, i havent known as long as ive know my friend steven and i dont know if i should literally ask DF if i can go out with them everytime we decide to go out. Or if its even appropriate for me to go out alone with them. I know when you go out with a male and its just you two most people assume your together.

    With me living in a small county theres pretty much one mall and one movie theater and one bowling ally that everyone goes too. Im obviously concerned that if i decide to go out with one of them one night and one of DF's friends sees me out there probably gonna go tell him that im like cheating on him or something, because everyone that lives here lovesss starting drama...

    My question is do you tell your SO everytime you go out with just the opposite sex? Should i even go out alone with the opposite sex? Im totally lost here

    i havent had this problem because my male friends usually only visit maybe once a year (most are in the military)
    I tell my husband what I am doing because it's part of our daily talks. I DO NOT need to ask my husband for permission to hang out with my friends if that's what you are really asking.


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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by FruitPunch. View Post
    I think in this case, in the case of childhood/very long term friends, it's not inappropriate. Why dont you just have a conversation with your DF and see how he feels about it. You can tell him what you wrote here, and that you want to see your long term friends, but don't want to make him uncomfortable. You can also invite your DF along to hang out.
    my situation is just a little different because hes in korea. so if i decided to just go out one night i wouldnt be able to tell him immediately because if its night for me its morning for him and he'll be at work or sleeping still. && i dont mean necessarily asking. I just ask him how he feels out of respect for his feelings but i didnt know if that ment that since i asked him once if id have to keep asking him every single time.

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    #5
    Why don't you just talk about it next time you talk? It doesn't have to be an asking permission kind of thing, but you can talk about it and make sure he's comfortable with it. If he had no problem with you going to the movies the first time, I doubt he'd have an issue with you hanging out with a different male friend. I study with the men from my grad school program all the time, and my husband has zero issues with it.
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by nicolee View Post
    my situation is just a little different because hes in korea. so if i decided to just go out one night i wouldnt be able to tell him immediately because if its night for me its morning for him and he'll be at work or sleeping still. && i dont mean necessarily asking. I just ask him how he feels out of respect for his feelings but i didnt know if that ment that since i asked him once if id have to keep asking him every single time.
    You don't "have to" do anything. He's not your father. If you want to let him know your plans whatever but I would never ask my husband if I can do something. There are no rules, it's whatever you want to do and as long as you aren't doing anything wrong then he'll have to deal with what you decide.
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    #7
    Here is my thoughts. I don't think you need to specifically get his ok, but you should let him know some friends are coming into town, that they are guys and have mentioned wanting to get together to hang out. And since the area is so rural running into each other and hanging out at the same places is most likely going to happen so is he ok with that.

    If he trusts you and he has no reason to not trust you than I don't think you need to ask for permission (especially if you are not married) but letting him know and letting him tell you his feelings on it is a nice to do. That way if he is not ok with it, you can consider other options.
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    #8
    Also, you don't need to tell him each and every day. Talk to him before hand and mention they will be there for *insert time frame here* and since you know he is sleeping when you are awake etc you wanted to let him know in advance.
  9. verabot89
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    #9
    I see- I still it's okay, like Southern said, just let him know when they are coming, and keep the lines of communication open.
    MrsJennyyy is mah wife



  10. sassypants
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    #10
    short answer no

    if he does not trust me enough around other men, then he is not the man I want to be with.


    Ill tell him if it comes up in our day to day, like "oh I got Vietnamese drinks with Auh" but its not like, "babe, im going out with joe to see xyz, is that ok?"

    DB is not my dad, and I expect him to trust my choices and decisions
    rocket_liz is my wifey
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