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Thread: New to site and looking for advice!

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    Help New to site and looking for advice!

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    Hi there,

    I just recently started dating a staff Sergeant in the military. This is my first military relationship and I am really new to everything about it. We have been dating for about two months now. I am madly in love with this man. He is truly one of the most amazing person I've ever met. Metting I didn't know he was military and it probably Wouldn't have mattered, we have so much in Common and have become really good friends. Ii have been doing some reading and it seems to me that normally in military relationships things can move very quickly. Whether that is for the right reasons or benefits depends on the circumstance. But I know with my boyfriend is that I'm happy.

    I also know that usually you are supposed to date awhile before you move in together, live together before you move across the country with them. This is the deal. My boyfriend put in a letter so that he could extend his time at the base he is at now so e can build our relationship but his letter was declined today. We have talked about this and i want to go with bin and be with him. We live each other very much even for this short time period. He is moving in 9 months. We love each other and really want to be together is that to soon to move with him? Im just looking for advice. Or something.

    Not to mention I have a 3 year old son who adores him. And that I would be leaving all my family and we would only be dating for 10 months at the time of the move.
  2. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #2
    Welcome to MSOS, please introduce yourself in the newbies section when you have the opportunity.

    Honestly to me that would seem fast, and that may seem a bit hypocritical on my part because I married and moved in with DH before 10 months. But I also didn't move, like I was already established in the area where we lived and I had a good job and I could support myself, so if anything went wrong it wasn't like I would have been totally SOL. So I guess I would be making contingency plans for what happens if you move out there and dont' find work right away and the relationship goes sour. Also you have a child, a stable environment is very important to a child so I would be keeping that in mind too when it comes to moving for a boyfriend.
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    #3
    I would not go with him.

    DH and I met, married and were expecting ODD in less than 10 months but neither of us had kids and we were quite naive of how marriage can be. Looking back we realize how lucky we are that our marriage has worked out.

    Also, with a child, I would take things extra slow just to make sure things worked out and his life wasn't changed dramatically again if things didn't work out.

    Since he'll more than likely be leaving a lot for training and deployment you could use the time apart to see if it is something your relationship can withstand.
  4. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by mjthompson1991 View Post
    Hi there,

    I just recently started dating a staff Sergeant in the military. This is my first military relationship and I am really new to everything about it. We have been dating for about two months now. I am madly in love with this man. He is truly one of the most amazing person I've ever met. Metting I didn't know he was military and it probably Wouldn't have mattered, we have so much in Common and have become really good friends. Ii have been doing some reading and it seems to me that normally in military relationships things can move very quickly. Whether that is for the right reasons or benefits depends on the circumstance. But I know with my boyfriend is that I'm happy.

    I also know that usually you are supposed to date awhile before you move in together, live together before you move across the country with them. This is the deal. My boyfriend put in a letter so that he could extend his time at the base he is at now so e can build our relationship but his letter was declined today. We have talked about this and i want to go with bin and be with him. We live each other very much even for this short time period. He is moving in 9 months. We love each other and really want to be together is that to soon to move with him? Im just looking for advice. Or something.

    Not to mention I have a 3 year old son who adores him. And that I would be leaving all my family and we would only be dating for 10 months at the time of the move.
    I think you need to wait, date for the remainder of his time there and re-evaluate this as the time gets closer and you have had more time to figure out whether this relationship is as solid as you think it is now before making ANY decisions to uproot yourself and your child. Things do not need to move quickly simply because of the career choice he has made.
  5. cuz i'm wonderful
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    #5
    Yeah, you have a kid. It's not worth the risk. You could move out there and then have your relationship go badly in a few months and your three year old will have moved, gotten used to a "new daddy," and then been uprooted again. Also, unless you're really really good at making friends, it can be hard on a relationship for him to be your only friend so soon in a relationship. I know it's hard to be LDR, but it's super risky to just uproot yourself for a guy you've been with two months.

    My past experiences tell me you don't really know someone until you've been together a year. I don't think it's totally off the table, but be very careful, and think with your head, not your heart. You have nine months to figure out if this is a good idea. You never know what's gonna happen.
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    #6
    at this point I would not move, but in 9 months maybe, you guys will have been together almost a year.

    also a lot can change in a year and I would suggest slowing down and taking it a day at a time, if not for you then for your little boy.
  7. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #7
    i wouldnt plan on moving right now especially with a 3 year old that just sounds too fast for me. personally when my ex was moving across the country i told he had to put a ring on it if he planned on me going anywhere with him but that was more because im settled here, i have a good job and an apt etc and i wouldnt move across the country to be dumped an jobless.

    id wait it out and see what happens. if yall work and in a year or even two you decide you want to move out there you still can.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by mjthompson1991 View Post
    Hi there,

    I just recently started dating a staff Sergeant in the military. This is my first military relationship and I am really new to everything about it. We have been dating for about two months now. I am madly in love with this man. He is truly one of the most amazing person I've ever met. Metting I didn't know he was military and it probably Wouldn't have mattered, we have so much in Common and have become really good friends. Ii have been doing some reading and it seems to me that normally in military relationships things can move very quickly. Whether that is for the right reasons or benefits depends on the circumstance. But I know with my boyfriend is that I'm happy.

    I also know that usually you are supposed to date awhile before you move in together, live together before you move across the country with them. This is the deal. My boyfriend put in a letter so that he could extend his time at the base he is at now so e can build our relationship but his letter was declined today. We have talked about this and i want to go with bin and be with him. We live each other very much even for this short time period. He is moving in 9 months. We love each other and really want to be together is that to soon to move with him? Im just looking for advice. Or something.

    Not to mention I have a 3 year old son who adores him. And that I would be leaving all my family and we would only be dating for 10 months at the time of the move.
    MY personal opinion is you have 9 months to see if this relationship will go anywhere. If if say in 9 months you are in love and want to be together than you think about moving with him THEN! You have not even been together but a couple months. Don't start thinking about moving away from your family, taking your son from his family for a guy you have been dating 2 months.

    One thing, is your son's father a key part in his life? If so you need to really think about THAT relationship (father/son) before you think about moving away.
  9. Regular Member
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by ZivaD View Post
    I think you need to wait, date for the remainder of his time there and re-evaluate this as the time gets closer and you have had more time to figure out whether this relationship is as solid as you think it is now before making ANY decisions to uproot yourself and your child. Things do not need to move quickly simply because of the career choice he has made.
    I totally agree. Maybe revisit it close to the time he would be leaving!
  10. Regular Member
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    #10
    My DB and I have known each other for 7 years and have been dating for almost 2. We have been in a LDR for the entire time we have been dating. He wanted me to move right when we got officially together and I really wasn't ready. Now, I am moving in a few months and feel so good about it. LDR can be a really good thing. I appreciate and have a lot more values on our relationship

    I would suggest waiting out the 9 months you have with him before he moves and go from there. Can you do a LDR until you're 100% ready? It doesn't sound like you are since you're asking, IMO? Especially with your son.
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