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Thread: dating a retired vet with PTSD - advice please!

  1. Old Newbie
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    #1

    dating a retired vet with PTSD - advice please!

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    This is my first post in this forum and I am looking for help and advice....

    I am new in a relationship with a retired Green Beret soldier who is 100% disabled with PTSD. Though I am a social worker and have some experience with vets & PTSD, this is the first time I have ever dated anyone in the military.

    This is a whole new experience for me, as I am not even American, and know little about the American military from the inside.

    What I do know is that this man is crazy about me and the feeling is mutual. He is scarred both physically and mentally, but is still a very caring, loving person.

    Things are moving very fast in this relationship, and though I am fully on board, I feel I need to be the cautious one because of his psychological issues from war.

    He is a decorated veteran and retired 2 years ago after 25 years in Special Forces. He has been to every war since 1988. Less than a year after he retired, his marriage fell apart and he was divorced. He has 2 young children from that marriage who live with their mother. I am separated for several years from my husband and also have 2 young children.

    I think this man could be the great love of my life but we come from very different backgrounds (me being anti-war, liberal and not a fan of guns). So I need any and all advice you could give me.

    What do I need to know about being in a relationship with a former soldier?
  2. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by songbird View Post
    This is my first post in this forum and I am looking for help and advice....

    I am new in a relationship with a retired Green Beret soldier who is 100% disabled with PTSD. Though I am a social worker and have some experience with vets & PTSD, this is the first time I have ever dated anyone in the military.

    This is a whole new experience for me, as I am not even American, and know little about the American military from the inside.

    What I do know is that this man is crazy about me and the feeling is mutual. He is scarred both physically and mentally, but is still a very caring, loving person.

    Things are moving very fast in this relationship, and though I am fully on board, I feel I need to be the cautious one because of his psychological issues from war.

    He is a decorated veteran and retired 2 years ago after 25 years in Special Forces. He has been to every war since 1988. Less than a year after he retired, his marriage fell apart and he was divorced. He has 2 young children from that marriage who live with their mother. I am separated for several years from my husband and also have 2 young children.

    I think this man could be the great love of my life but we come from very different backgrounds (me being anti-war, liberal and not a fan of guns). So I need any and all advice you could give me.

    What do I need to know about being in a relationship with a former soldier?
    - pop in on the "Newbies" forum and introduce yourself so we can get to know you a bit better.

    You say this is a "new" relationship - how long have you been dating this gentleman?
  3. Old Newbie
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    #3
    a month now, so we are still in the early stages, but I am trying to be proactive.
  4. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #4
    I think the "different backgrounds" thing really just depends. I am anti-war, liberal, and don't like guns, and my DH is pretty similar to my views except for the guns lol. Before we got serious I did have kind of similar concerns because I think there is a stereotype of soldiers having certain political/social views but remember there's all sorts of people in the services, just like there are all sorts in all walks of life.

    There is not really anything specific I personally think to be said about dating a veteran, it really depends on his specific needs. However, I agree with being cautious since you said he has psychological issues and also with children involved on both sides, it makes sense to move slow. My advice would be to try to set aside any ideas about dating a "former soldier" and just get to know him. If things are moving too fast by all means ask him to slow down if you get uncomfortable. My DH actually moved a lot faster than I did and I had to put the brakes on a few times because it was too much for me. He completely understood and was totally willing to wait on me.
  5. Old Newbie
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    #5
    Tojai, thanks for your reply - very helpful words

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