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Thread: I need help!

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    I need help!

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    I've been with my guy for 7 months. We haven't had any major problems. We do have our differences like when he gets worried or stressed he shuts down and I really want to be there for him and help him.

    Anyway, we were great this weekend and then Sunday night he told me he had some family problems so he might have to use his leave to go home or at the very least, send home some money. So our vacation plans were ruined which isn't a problem because i completely understood. Then monday morning, he told me we needed to talk. I thought there may have been a problem and he might need to go home. Then he said he couldn't do us anymore but he does love me. He called me and tried to explain..basically he was arrested by mp's and held because a woman from 8 years ago is trying to get back child support from him. He didn't know anything about a child. And then his leave was supposedly cancelled because of that reason so he couldn't go home. And he was stilll worried about his family situation. He said he had too much on his plate and couldn't handle a relationship. I told him I understood it was a lot and that I could give him space until he situated some things.

    That night I asked how he was and he said freaking out and would be until he knew what was going to happen. He said the best thing we could do was take a break. But he just wanted to shut me out completely, no contact until he got things handled. That seems silly since we are supposed to be in love in a long term relationship. I should be able to help him, etc. But he had basically settled on the worst case scenario. He sent me a really rude text and I went to his apartment and told him that I didn't care what he was going through he couldn't treat me like shit. He was so cold, he wouldn't answer questions except with a one or two words, he wouldn't touch me, he wouldn't even look at me that much. He said he didn't give an F about out relationship, couldn't handle it, but didn't want to lose me. He was a completely differeent person, I never saw him like that before.

    Then tuesday, he messaged me and said he did a paternity test and it was sent off, that once the results came back, he might be able to take leave to go home but he didn't know. He also, mentioned that he might have to give up his apartment and move into the dorms if the kid turns out to be his. I offered to be there for him and said I loved him but he said he was fine and just needed to be by himself.

    And finally today, he messaged me and said he got yelled at by a superior because he wasn't doing right by his kid and was supposedly put on base restriction until the paternity results come back. And he wouldn't be able to take leave until the restriction was lifted to go home.

    Everything seems to be getting fishier and fishier. I don't know what to think of it. so I need advice.

    If it helps, he is in the air force and has been for 10 years. We are both in a foreign country.
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    #2
    I call BS. There are so many red flags in his story. Something else is going on in his life.
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by tausha12 View Post
    I've been with my guy for 7 months. We haven't had any major problems. We do have our differences like when he gets worried or stressed he shuts down and I really want to be there for him and help him.

    Anyway, we were great this weekend and then Sunday night he told me he had some family problems so he might have to use his leave to go home or at the very least, send home some money. So our vacation plans were ruined which isn't a problem because i completely understood. Then monday morning, he told me we needed to talk. I thought there may have been a problem and he might need to go home. Then he said he couldn't do us anymore but he does love me. He called me and tried to explain..basically he was arrested by mp's and held because a woman from 8 years ago is trying to get back child support from him. He didn't know anything about a child. And then his leave was supposedly cancelled because of that reason so he couldn't go home. And he was stilll worried about his family situation. He said he had too much on his plate and couldn't handle a relationship. I told him I understood it was a lot and that I could give him space until he situated some things.

    That night I asked how he was and he said freaking out and would be until he knew what was going to happen. He said the best thing we could do was take a break. But he just wanted to shut me out completely, no contact until he got things handled. That seems silly since we are supposed to be in love in a long term relationship. I should be able to help him, etc. But he had basically settled on the worst case scenario. He sent me a really rude text and I went to his apartment and told him that I didn't care what he was going through he couldn't treat me like shit. He was so cold, he wouldn't answer questions except with a one or two words, he wouldn't touch me, he wouldn't even look at me that much. He said he didn't give an F about out relationship, couldn't handle it, but didn't want to lose me. He was a completely differeent person, I never saw him like that before.

    Then tuesday, he messaged me and said he did a paternity test and it was sent off, that once the results came back, he might be able to take leave to go home but he didn't know. He also, mentioned that he might have to give up his apartment and move into the dorms if the kid turns out to be his. I offered to be there for him and said I loved him but he said he was fine and just needed to be by himself.

    And finally today, he messaged me and said he got yelled at by a superior because he wasn't doing right by his kid and was supposedly put on base restriction until the paternity results come back. And he wouldn't be able to take leave until the restriction was lifted to go home.

    Everything seems to be getting fishier and fishier. I don't know what to think of it. so I need advice.

    If it helps, he is in the air force and has been for 10 years. We are both in a foreign country.
    Bingo - I am sorry that you are caught up in this, but at this point I'd be taking a step back and a very long, hard look at the situation and whether I was interested in continuing to invest my emotions into it.
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    Doubt he would have to move into the dorms if he's been in the af 10 years. I've never heard of this happening except once where a chick didn't pay rent for 3 months.
    Honestly just sounds like he wants a reason to break up or has a wife on the side.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by tausha12 View Post
    I've been with my guy for 7 months. We haven't had any major problems. We do have our differences like when he gets worried or stressed he shuts down and I really want to be there for him and help him.

    Anyway, we were great this weekend and then Sunday night he told me he had some family problems so he might have to use his leave to go home or at the very least, send home some money. So our vacation plans were ruined which isn't a problem because i completely understood. Then monday morning, he told me we needed to talk. I thought there may have been a problem and he might need to go home. Then he said he couldn't do us anymore but he does love me. He called me and tried to explain..basically he was arrested by mp's and held because a woman from 8 years ago is trying to get back child support from him. He didn't know anything about a child. And then his leave was supposedly cancelled because of that reason so he couldn't go home. And he was stilll worried about his family situation. He said he had too much on his plate and couldn't handle a relationship. I told him I understood it was a lot and that I could give him space until he situated some things.

    That night I asked how he was and he said freaking out and would be until he knew what was going to happen. He said the best thing we could do was take a break. But he just wanted to shut me out completely, no contact until he got things handled. That seems silly since we are supposed to be in love in a long term relationship. I should be able to help him, etc. But he had basically settled on the worst case scenario. He sent me a really rude text and I went to his apartment and told him that I didn't care what he was going through he couldn't treat me like shit. He was so cold, he wouldn't answer questions except with a one or two words, he wouldn't touch me, he wouldn't even look at me that much. He said he didn't give an F about out relationship, couldn't handle it, but didn't want to lose me. He was a completely differeent person, I never saw him like that before.

    Then tuesday, he messaged me and said he did a paternity test and it was sent off, that once the results came back, he might be able to take leave to go home but he didn't know. He also, mentioned that he might have to give up his apartment and move into the dorms if the kid turns out to be his. I offered to be there for him and said I loved him but he said he was fine and just needed to be by himself.

    And finally today, he messaged me and said he got yelled at by a superior because he wasn't doing right by his kid and was supposedly put on base restriction until the paternity results come back. And he wouldn't be able to take leave until the restriction was lifted to go home.

    Everything seems to be getting fishier and fishier. I don't know what to think of it. so I need advice.

    If it helps, he is in the air force and has been for 10 years. We are both in a foreign country.
    Not how it works. So that is bull shit.

    First in the Air force they are not called MPs so if he calls them that than he is full of it. Second of all they do not arrest you because someone is claiming you are the father of their child (using the you pronoun but do not mean you specifically OP) and third while if they have proof the kid is his and he isn't taking care of it his command will probably get on his case, they won't do so until they know for sure because until then, as far as the military cares the child isn't a dependent.

    I know you said you have been to his apt. Have you seen him in uniform? Have you been on base with him?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Southern-queen View Post
    Not how it works. So that is bull shit.

    First in the Air force they are not called MPs so if he calls them that than he is full of it. Second of all they do not arrest you because someone is claiming you are the father of their child (using the you pronoun but do not mean you specifically OP) and third while if they have proof the kid is his and he isn't taking care of it his command will probably get on his case, they won't do so until they know for sure because until then, as far as the military cares the child isn't a dependent.

    I know you said you have been to his apt. Have you seen him in uniform? Have you been on base with him?
    Haven't seen him in uniform. Haven't been on base. I don't think he has a wife. There weren't any factors that would lead to a wife but good liars exist
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    Haven't seen him in uniform, haven't been on base with him. Have you seen uniforms in his apartment? Are you sure he is really military? Or even if he is, the arrested and restricted to base could be true....just not related to a child.
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    We live in Korea and he moved from Okinawa. Plus lots of uniforms in his place. So I am sure he is military. But everything else is in doubt. We are over now but I still want to know what is really going on. I probably never will.


    Not of this crap makes sense
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by tausha12 View Post
    We live in Korea and he moved from Okinawa. Plus lots of uniforms in his place. So I am sure he is military. But everything else is in doubt. We are over now but I still want to know what is really going on. I probably never will.


    Not of this crap makes sense
    - did I miss it in the OP, or has that just developed in the time this thread has been going on? I know you mentioned something about him saying he needed to be "by himself" but then he had also messaged you just today (in your post) to update you so I was not sure if you were together or not....
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by ZivaD View Post
    - did I miss it in the OP, or has that just developed in the time this thread has been going on? I know you mentioned something about him saying he needed to be "by himself" but then he had also messaged you just today (in your post) to update you so I was not sure if you were together or not....
    To him we were going on a break but it boiled over today since I can't deal with not knowing and he doesn't want me around, no matter how I try. That's what I told him through text, his response was whatever. So I guess this was on going in the thread.
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