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Thread: Is this normal?? Is he pushing me away?

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    Confused Is this normal?? Is he pushing me away?

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    As a newbie, I'm not sure if this is in the right spot, but I hope it is. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, and he has been in the army for 2. He has found out that he will be deploying in a few months, and he couldn't be more excited for it. Which is why his behavior is weird. Ever since there was talk about possibly deploying, he has turned into a bit of a jerk. It started with occasionally being mean to me, but not being able to deal with several of his civilian friends. He has stopped talking to a few of his best friends, but has started being incredibly mean to me. He demands that I do everything for him, like get him a drink, or make him a sandwich, even if I'm busy with the last task he asked me to do. If I tell him to do something himself because I'm busy, he flips out and yells at me. He is constantly saying that I don't love him if I wont do something for him. If I ask him to do something small for me, he tells me to get off my @** and do it my *bleeping* self. I am not someone that asks for much, so when I do, its because I could use the help. He is even meaner to me when we are out with our friends. It's like he has to show everyone he is the most manly guy around, and doesn't care about me. He has upset one of my oldest friends by cursing at me when I asked him to grab me a water when I was intoxicated at a bar one night. He also laughs at the sweet things her fiance does for her, and tells everyone he would never do things like that for me. She has started to hate him, and so have many of my other friends. I didn't realize how many of my friends think he is a dick to me, until my oldest friend said it, and the rest agreed. He just always told me I was over reacting, and I believed him... It has gotten to the point where HIS friends have started asking him why he treats me so poorly, and has warned him that he could lose me. Watching how mean he is to me is making his own friends (including a few in the army) irritated with him. After rough nights, they will text me and make sure that I am ok. They are always asking if they want me to talk to him, and even though I have told them no, it's getting to the point where they do anyway. I am just not used to him constantly getting mad at me over every little thing I do. He use to be so sweet, and was always there for me. Now, I just feel like he doesn't care half the time. I just always seem to be on his nerves, no matter what I do. I can't ask him what's wrong or why he is being mean because it just makes everything worse. He just tells me I'm the one that's mean, and blah blah blah. There's other things that has changed about his behavior lately, but this is already so long, I wont get into it. I just want to know if this is normal? Is it normal for a soldier to become a jerk to his girlfriend before deploying? Is he trying to push me away???
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    #2
    He sounds like he's just an asshole. In my experience usually if they're just trying to push you away to soften the blow of deployment it's more of a distancing thing..Not being a controlling jackass about everything. Deployment related or not, that shit would not fly with me.
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    #3
    I'm so sorry. It honestly sounds like he is just a jerk. The way he's treating you is very abusive. IMO you should cut and run. You do not deserve to be treated this way at all. You need to see that too. You have to believe that you deserve better. Deploying in a few months is no excuse to act the way he is. Nothing is an excuse to act the way he is.

    I am very sorry you are going through this. Know you do not deserve this. I know other women on this site have been through similar abusive situations. As I have I. I would suggest pming one of us.
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    #4
    Honestly, it sounds like he's just an asshole. Maybe now that he has finally gotten what he wanted, aka deployment, the stress is off and you are seeing his true colors. The shit he is saying to you is extremely chauvinistic, and would NEVER fly with me. It could also be now that he's deploying, he feels a need to be more "macho," and feel more "manly" to beef himself up, and in a twisted way to him that means not being as nice before because that makes him seem soft, even if it is in his own mind. Either way, IMHO, you need to talk to him, or at least try, and re-evaluate if this is the situation you want to be in.
  5. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by lovelikecrazy View Post
    As a newbie, I'm not sure if this is in the right spot, but I hope it is. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, and he has been in the army for 2. He has found out that he will be deploying in a few months, and he couldn't be more excited for it. Which is why his behavior is weird. Ever since there was talk about possibly deploying, he has turned into a bit of a jerk. It started with occasionally being mean to me, but not being able to deal with several of his civilian friends. He has stopped talking to a few of his best friends, but has started being incredibly mean to me. He demands that I do everything for him, like get him a drink, or make him a sandwich, even if I'm busy with the last task he asked me to do. If I tell him to do something himself because I'm busy, he flips out and yells at me. He is constantly saying that I don't love him if I wont do something for him. If I ask him to do something small for me, he tells me to get off my @** and do it my *bleeping* self. I am not someone that asks for much, so when I do, its because I could use the help. He is even meaner to me when we are out with our friends. It's like he has to show everyone he is the most manly guy around, and doesn't care about me. He has upset one of my oldest friends by cursing at me when I asked him to grab me a water when I was intoxicated at a bar one night. He also laughs at the sweet things her fiance does for her, and tells everyone he would never do things like that for me. She has started to hate him, and so have many of my other friends. I didn't realize how many of my friends think he is a dick to me, until my oldest friend said it, and the rest agreed. He just always told me I was over reacting, and I believed him... It has gotten to the point where HIS friends have started asking him why he treats me so poorly, and has warned him that he could lose me. Watching how mean he is to me is making his own friends (including a few in the army) irritated with him. After rough nights, they will text me and make sure that I am ok. They are always asking if they want me to talk to him, and even though I have told them no, it's getting to the point where they do anyway. I am just not used to him constantly getting mad at me over every little thing I do. He use to be so sweet, and was always there for me. Now, I just feel like he doesn't care half the time. I just always seem to be on his nerves, no matter what I do. I can't ask him what's wrong or why he is being mean because it just makes everything worse. He just tells me I'm the one that's mean, and blah blah blah. There's other things that has changed about his behavior lately, but this is already so long, I wont get into it. I just want to know if this is normal? Is it normal for a soldier to become a jerk to his girlfriend before deploying? Is he trying to push me away???
    This isn't about his profession - it's about his character, which seems to suck.
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    Well, as much as I was hoping this was normal, it's good to know that it's not. So thank you guys for your help! I appreciate the honesty. He has been my best friend since high school, so it's hard to imagine my life without him. I just don't know what happened to him in the last few months. The other weekend, he wanted to have a 'guys night' in which no girlfriends were aloud to come. He wanted to go to a strip club (something he use to think was gross). So the boys leave for their night, and I went out with the girlfriends. We stayed in our town, but stopped at a couple bars, dancing like idiots to girly music like pink and katy perry, since our guys were being buttholes. He had me followed the entire night, not for my safety, but because he "didn't know what I would do". Then, he got incredibly pissy because one random guy hit on me while we were at the bar. As I type this, I kind of see how crazy this all sounds... I do need to find a way to talk to him.
  7. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by lovelikecrazy View Post
    Well, as much as I was hoping this was normal, it's good to know that it's not. So thank you guys for your help! I appreciate the honesty. He has been my best friend since high school, so it's hard to imagine my life without him. I just don't know what happened to him in the last few months. The other weekend, he wanted to have a 'guys night' in which no girlfriends were aloud to come. He wanted to go to a strip club (something he use to think was gross). So the boys leave for their night, and I went out with the girlfriends. We stayed in our town, but stopped at a couple bars, dancing like idiots to girly music like pink and katy perry, since our guys were being buttholes. He had me followed the entire night, not for my safety, but because he "didn't know what I would do". Then, he got incredibly pissy because one random guy hit on me while we were at the bar. As I type this, I kind of see how crazy this all sounds... I do need to find a way to talk to him.
    I think the time for talk has come and gone -
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    #8
    This has nothing to do with his career. He's a jerk who treats you like crap.

    As for imaging your life without him? Imagine life without anyone yelling at you, guilting you into doing things for him, swearing at you, and being mean to you. Sounds like a pretty nice life, doesn't it?
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #9
    he had someone follow you all night while you were out with your friends? run. he sounds like an ass.

  10. verabot89
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    #10
    I can understand it's hard to break it off with someone you've been with for so long, but I would be running far far away from this man. This is not someone who loves you, and this is not normal behavior. It's scary, and from what you say, it's escalating. That's not a situation I suggest you stay in to watch how it unfolds.
    MrsJennyyy is mah wife



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