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Thread: I don't really know how to take this. Newbie needs help!

  1. Proud Princess of a United States Sailor <3
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    #1

    Confused I don't really know how to take this. Newbie needs help!

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    My boyfriend's newly enlisted in the Navy, and leaves for basic soon. We've been together a long time, long enough that he's already told my dad he's planning on marrying me when we make it through this.
    There's so many different questions I have, though.
    First question: how long are they allowed to stay home after graduating basic before they go off to school typically?

    Next question, is we've sort of talked about me moving with him to school. Not living with him, but getting my own apartment wherever he is that way we stay close. We're used to spending a lot of time together, so naturally spending a long time away while he's at school will be rough. He used to take it into consideration, but now whenever we get on the topic he's pretty against it, and tells me he wants me to stay here and finish college here. I've told him I can transfer colleges, but he just isn't having it, saying it will "ruin my future". Is this typical, or should I be sort of uneasy about him wanting me to stay behind...?
  2. verabot89
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    #2
    For school, you should stay where you are and finish college. He will only be there temporarily. Don't uproot your life for something temporary. When he gets a duty station you could move, but note he will probably have to live in the barracks until you are married or he is of a higher rank. Pursue your goals while he pursues his, and when you're done with college you can make the big move to be with him.
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  3. Senior Member
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    #3
    First question: they go directly to their A school after graduating basic. They used to have a whole weekend, in Great Lakes with their families, but I recently saw that if you aren't at great Lakes A school they fly you out the next day. That has changed since DH was in basic. They can't come home, they have a radius that they can travel to and have to be back at the base by a certain time (I believe 7). I suppose if you love in Chicago or around the area he can come home, but normally thye can't.


    Second Question: If you want to move out with him, wait until he gets to his first duty station. He might only be at the A school for a few months, it will be too hard to move with him and try and find a job and get into school. He won't be making enough to really help you out financially...he will have to be in the barracks during school and they have stick rules about staying out, and stuff. I stayed behind and finished school while DH (then DB) was in basic/a school. We made it out just fine and are stronger because of it. There are a lot of ladies here that are in LDRs and are a great support. I would highly suggest staying in your current college and finishing your degree.
  4. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by samrealtalk View Post
    My boyfriend's newly enlisted in the Navy, and leaves for basic soon. We've been together a long time, long enough that he's already told my dad he's planning on marrying me when we make it through this.
    There's so many different questions I have, though.
    First question: how long are they allowed to stay home after graduating basic before they go off to school typically?

    Next question, is we've sort of talked about me moving with him to school. Not living with him, but getting my own apartment wherever he is that way we stay close. We're used to spending a lot of time together, so naturally spending a long time away while he's at school will be rough. He used to take it into consideration, but now whenever we get on the topic he's pretty against it, and tells me he wants me to stay here and finish college here. I've told him I can transfer colleges, but he just isn't having it, saying it will "ruin my future". Is this typical, or should I be sort of uneasy about him wanting me to stay behind...?
    First question - there is no set answer. Many times they will go directly from basic to their advanced training, sometimes they may have a week-10 days between or shorter/longer periods. Generally speaking, though, even if there is a long delay between the basic and the advanced training they are not simply sent home to sit and wait - they may be held in an interim placement or placed for Recruiter Assistance, etc.

    Second issue - how long is his advanced training going to be (this will depend on his specific MOS)? Uprooting your life for a temporary/short schooling is really not sensible from many standpoints. Also, you need to consider that while he is in training he is not going to be free to do as he pleases. The amount of personal freedom/free-time that is afforded trainees varies greatly from school and even from class to class within a particular school. You may find that you make this move and are still not able to spend much, if any, time with him while he is training. I would say his concerns about the impact on your future are nothing to be uneasy about and are actually quite reasonable and responsible. "transferring" colleges is not a simple thing and can have major long-term effects on your educational process.
  5. Senior Member
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    #5
    Also, keep in mind admission times. You find out where he's going, then have to apply and wait for acceptance and then the semester you are allowed to start. That alone can eat up nearly a year. At that point, you start school and he could be leaving in a few months. Are you going to repeat that whole process? Also, you often lose units or no longer meet requirements when you switch schools, so that is extra time in school and money on tuition.

    Finish school where you are. Consider this incentive to bust your butt to finish ASAP. Add an extra class each semester, or more, and while he's busting his butt at basic and school, you can be doing the same for your school.

    As for time in between, don't expect it. Remember that he's getting paid during that time and like any other job, they don't often just send you home for a few weeks while you are receiving a paycheck. He'll be on the clock, and as such he will be working. If his new school isn't ready for him, they will likely find a job for him to do because, again, he's being paid so he needs to be at work.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
  6. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    Also, keep in mind admission times. You find out where he's going, then have to apply and wait for acceptance and then the semester you are allowed to start. That alone can eat up nearly a year. At that point, you start school and he could be leaving in a few months. Are you going to repeat that whole process? Also, you often lose units or no longer meet requirements when you switch schools, so that is extra time in school and money on tuition.

    Finish school where you are. Consider this incentive to bust your butt to finish ASAP. Add an extra class each semester, or more, and while he's busting his butt at basic and school, you can be doing the same for your school.

    As for time in between, don't expect it. Remember that he's getting paid during that time and like any other job, they don't often just send you home for a few weeks while you are receiving a paycheck. He'll be on the clock, and as such he will be working. If his new school isn't ready for him, they will likely find a job for him to do because, again, he's being paid so he needs to be at work.
    What a great way of putting it - I was trying to figure out a way to word it and you came up with it fabulously!
  7. Talk Whovian To Me.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Amanduh View Post
    First question: they go directly to their A school after graduating basic. They used to have a whole weekend, in Great Lakes with their families, but I recently saw that if you aren't at great Lakes A school they fly you out the next day. That has changed since DH was in basic. They can't come home, they have a radius that they can travel to and have to be back at the base by a certain time (I believe 7). I suppose if you love in Chicago or around the area he can come home, but normally thye can't.


    Second Question: If you want to move out with him, wait until he gets to his first duty station. He might only be at the A school for a few months, it will be too hard to move with him and try and find a job and get into school. He won't be making enough to really help you out financially...he will have to be in the barracks during school and they have stick rules about staying out, and stuff. I stayed behind and finished school while DH (then DB) was in basic/a school. We made it out just fine and are stronger because of it. There are a lot of ladies here that are in LDRs and are a great support. I would highly suggest staying in your current college and finishing your degree.
    Amanduh hit the nail on the head!
  8. Dancing Backwards in High Heels
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    #8
    I'll echo what PP's have said and wanted to add this - Not all college credits transfer. Even if they do transfer they may not transfer into your major. For example, say you need 128 credits to graduate and 100 of those have to be in your major (completely made up numbers btw). You could have enough credits to technically graduate, but not enough in your major.

    I learned this lesson the hard way when I transferred schools and had to essentially re-take Communications 101
  9. Senior Member
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by samrealtalk View Post
    My boyfriend's newly enlisted in the Navy, and leaves for basic soon. We've been together a long time, long enough that he's already told my dad he's planning on marrying me when we make it through this.
    There's so many different questions I have, though.
    First question: how long are they allowed to stay home after graduating basic before they go off to school typically?

    Next question, is we've sort of talked about me moving with him to school. Not living with him, but getting my own apartment wherever he is that way we stay close. We're used to spending a lot of time together, so naturally spending a long time away while he's at school will be rough. He used to take it into consideration, but now whenever we get on the topic he's pretty against it, and tells me he wants me to stay here and finish college here. I've told him I can transfer colleges, but he just isn't having it, saying it will "ruin my future". Is this typical, or should I be sort of uneasy about him wanting me to stay behind...?
    1: Not sure with the navy but I don't think there is any going home between basic and school for their training. A day or two but generally you graduate basic, have a day or weekend with whomever comes to graduation and off to school.

    2: I would stay where you are and do school and all that jazz. He will have little time for you. And you will have all those bills and responsibility all on your own (maybe you do it now but if not just saying).

    It is best let him go do school and than if you get married during or after you move with him to his first base.

    You know him better than we do if his behavior and actions are odd, but he is right to suggest you stay where you are. But the whys of his reasoning only he knows.
  10. Senior Member
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    #10
    Stay in school. Graduate. You will both have matured, experienced the Navy life, then move with him, look for jobs near his duty station.

    He seems to have your best interests at heart by wanting you to finish school. If anything, I would be elated that my significant other was considering both of our futures while making decisions. Nothing to be uneasy about there.
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