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Thread: No fighting in relationship... good or not?

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    schung8's Avatar
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    #1

    No fighting in relationship... good or not?

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    So I've been talking with my friends and family the past couple days and they all bought up the topic of my DB and I. We talked about some stuff but a common thing that came up was them asking if my DB and I ever had a fight in our relationship. I thought about it and my answer was, "no." They thought it was weird how my DB and I never had an argument/fight, especially since we're still young (we're both 21 turning 22 in couple months) and have been in a relationship for 5 months. I've been reading some things about it and many people (including my friends and family) say that having fights in relationships are good because it works out problems and brings people together. But we've never really had one. Our life goals are pretty similar and we agree on many many things. When we did have difference of opinions, we never argued. We talked about why we see it our way and accepted that we're both entitled to have our own opinions.
    The only time he got mad was when I woke him up in the middle of the night to drop me off at home. He got up grumpily and rushed me out. When he dropped me off, he sped off (he usually doesn't). But not even 10 minutes later, he text me back apologizing about the way he acted and how it wasn't right for him to drive off like that (especially since he's the one who invited me over and wanted me to stay longer). I told him that I understood he had a long day so he must have been exhausted and that I knew he didn't mean to do it and I wasn't mad at him or anything.
    But anyways, I guess I was wondering... do you think it's bad that my DB and I never fought in our relationship (that's been going on for a little over 5 months)? should I be keeping my eye out for something (which is also what couple of my paranoid friends are telling me)?
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    #2
    Many people will, I'm sure, say that it's healthy for people to "fight" when they fight fair.

    My husband and I have been together for 28 years, married for almost 24. We don't fight. It's just not our personalities. We're both incredibly passionate people, but we agree on most things and the things that we disagree on, we have to much respect for ourselves and each other to fight over them because in the end, to us, they're trivial things.
  3. In vino veritas
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    #3
    I think fighting can be healthy is its done well. It can also be just as healthy to not fight, as long as its not due to one person sweeping their thoughts/ideas/wishes/desires under the table in an effort to please the other person. Like all things in life, there is no great rule, and it depends on the couple as well as the individuals within the couple.
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    #4
    I don't think fighting is necessary. My husband and I have disagreements and things that we have to talk through to come to a solution on but for the most part we agree on what's important, have to come to a conclusion on some things and move on and the rest is just not important enough to fight over.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Jazmine View Post
    I don't think fighting is necessary. My husband and I have disagreements and things that we have to talk through to come to a solution on but for the most part we agree on what's important, have to come to a conclusion on some things and move on and the rest is just not important enough to fight over.
    This brings up a good point. I don't think disagreements and talking things through is "fighting". So I suppose a definition of what fighting is would be relevant.


    OP, the people that think it's weird, how do they define fighting?
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Dr.VinoVet View Post
    I think fighting can be healthy is its done well. It can also be just as healthy to not fight, as long as its not due to one person sweeping their thoughts/ideas/wishes/desires under the table in an effort to please the other person. Like all things in life, there is no great rule, and it depends on the couple as well as the individuals within the couple.
    Yep.

    DB and I don't "fight" with each other or anyone else. I think there are some people that are "fighters" and others aren't I would take a look and make sure you both are exhibiting similar personalities to your family members, friends, co workers and stuff to make sure you aren't just rolling over on issues. But I don't see fights as necessary at all. Discussion and communication when necessary, yes. Fights? Not necessarily needed. Also keep in mind that a fight can seem very different to different people. DB and I have passionately disagreed before and we called it a "fight". A friend of ours was there and said something like "That was a fight? It sure as hell didn't sound like it" and I've called other people bickering "fighting" and they didn't see it as fighting at all.
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    #7
    I think everyone's definition of fighting and arguing is different. DH and I bicker back and forth but we don't get into screaming matches or anything so I don't think we "fight"...I think as long as one person isn't holding onto resentments towards the other over unresolved issues there's no problem with not fighting.


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    #8
    DH and I "fight". We don't scream or anything (maybe a few times we have) but I would consider fighting to be when one or two of us are mad about something. It's not something that usually lasts long or happens too often but we definitely do have our fights. I don't think one relationship that fights is more or less unhealthy than one that doesn't I think it depends more on the couple itself. If you and DB don't fight you could be in just as healthy of a relationship as DH and I who do fight. It's more about the people and how they interact together. If DH and I never fought I would find it weird but that is just how we are and how are personalities match up with each other.
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    #9
    DH and I rarely fight. It is kind of like Lynn said. We have similar personalities, etc. Also, we know what ticks the other one off and avoid doing/saying those things if we can. Not to say we never fight, because we have had our disagreements. However, I am just saying that lack of knock-down, drag out fighting does not necessarily doom a relationship. That being said, if one or both of you are holding something inside from the other to avoid confrontation, that may be the sign of an issue. Each relationship is different. I just know if I had broken up with DH when he was DB simply because we don't fight enough, I would have lost out on a great relationship which is now a great marriage.

  10. i request the highest of fives!
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    #10
    DH and I don't argue/fight/bicker about anything We're just both very passive so it doesn't happen. Don't see how that's a bad thing.
    On the other hand, I know couples who argue a lot and are still perfectly healthy.
    Different people communicate in different ways...NBD if your way doesn't match others. Whatever works for the two of you.
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