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Thread: friends travelling with kids/babies?

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    #1

    friends travelling with kids/babies?

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    So I was wanting to hear some experiences from people who have long distance friends who have kids (or you have kids and long distance friends). One of my best friends had a baby (first of my close friends to do so) and I went and visited her a month ago (a different state). While I was there she actually found out she was pregnant again. Very overwhelming for her as her first baby (also unplanned) is still under a year old. It is this factor coupled with a few other things that makes me wonder how possible it would be for her to ever come visit me again in the future, whether sans kids or with kids.

    We usually switch off coming to see eachother every year while my husband is deployed (last year she came to visit me, just before she found out she was pregnant!) This year I came to see her. Before the first baby was born we had very briefly discussed that the deployment after I visit her (kind of confusing, I know... ) that her baby would still be under 2 and she could come to see me with her kid flying free (also only a 2 hour flight). Well, now 2 things have changed since then. 1. of course she will have 2 very young kids very soon. I can't see her travelling with 2 kids by herself, free or not.

    And then another reason, probably even more telling, is now that she has her first baby she has become a very nervous mom. I kind of knew this before visiting her, and then being there solidified that. Actually before I visited she had a talk with me and basically made him sound like a nightmare... that he freaks out if hes outside for more than a few mins, also inside for too long, doesn't like crowds etc... and I was bummed because I really wanted to spend time with the little guy but it almost sounded like we wouldn't be able to do anything unless she got a babysitter. Well, long story short her baby was not a nightmare at all. In fact he was a really, really good baby! Like almost unusually so. I thought him being 7/8 months old would make him not like me (a stranger) right away, but he took to me right away! And actually he enjoys anyone holding him, even new people. He'd nap anywhere, and we went to a few places for multiple hours and he was awake but just chilling silently in his stroller. Such a good, friendly little guy. I LOVED him.

    Anyways... I will actually be back next summer to see her because I have a friend's wedding, so I will be the one to visit next by chance AND be able to see the new baby. But after that... I just wonder if she will ever be able to come see me again, or at least for a looooooong while? 2 other important factors... as of right now, her husband cannot handle having the baby fulltime for a day let alone a weekend or more. Maybe that will change as he grows as a father. And 2 money is going to be really tight for them even more so now, which is why it was exciting at first to think she could fly and have her one baby fly for free one for one visit. I think of her kid as my nephew, so would enjoy them both coming (and the new baby...)

    Maybe in the future when I have a family of my own (who knows when ) we can all take small family trips together; husbands, kids and all. But that probably won't happen for what... a decade? Perhaps I can discuss it with her sometime in the future, but not anytime soon... I don't want to overwhelm her anymore than she already is with the news of another baby and make her sad or feel pressured. I'm starting to think our switching off seeing each other is a thing of the past But what do you think? Should there be zero expectations of her coming to see me in the near coming years? With kids, without? Alone or only when husband is able to? Or should I plan on being the one to always go fly to her for while? What has been your experiences of travelling to see friends with kids of your own, or your long distance friends with kids coming to see you?
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    #2
    I have several friends who I know would have visited me in Japan and Germany if they didn't have young kids. But I also totally understand that it isn't feasible right now for many reasons (logistics and costs being top of the list).

    Still, I invite them so they know they are welcome, while also making sure they know I understand the reality and that it likely can't happen.

    As their kids get older, I know they will be able to travel more with them, and that they will be in a better position to leave the kids with grandma for a few days, or leave dad at home with the kids. Also, if I wasn't so far away, short trips would be a possibility.

    So to answer your questions, I don't think you should expect her to visit, meaning you need to be okay if she doesn't, but I don't think you should automatically assume it isn't going to happen for years and years, either. It should be okay to bring it up and see if she's interested and thinks they might be able to manage it.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    Well the fact is, now that she has one kid (much less two) it will be harder for her to just come see you. Especially if her husband is not a watch the kids by himself kinda dad. Much more goes into it now. Spur of the moment visits probably won't happen (in general) but they are not out of the realm of possibility. Granted our kids are older (can be even harder when they are school age though imo), but I have a friend that we will plan a couple weeks in advance and visit.

    You just have to understand that it will now be harder. Take that into consideration when she can't come as much as she used to. Give her some time (although if her husband is like you say and she is a nervous nellie now I would say a couple years lol) and than perhaps things can go back to somewhat like they were.
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    thanks for the insight I think I will probably wait to bring it up until I see her next summer for the wedding, as it won't really "matter" until then. Then bring up "oh, what do you see our next get together as?" or something like that. Just kind of sad about it... I've loved our yearly trips to see eachother! But I could probably swing going to see her for the next few years. I guess time will tell what type of mother she will be of 2 kiddos, perhaps it may make her more nervous or perhaps she will become more confident. Just makes me wish I lived closer to her
  5. Life is an adventure!
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    If it were me, I would probably plan on going to her especially since her DH can't handle the baby. With that being said, I also think it depends a lot on the person. I have a friend that flew from Hawaii to Tennessee twice a year with just herself and 4 small children. It was no problem for her. I would definitely discuss it, who knows she may want to get away, even if the kiddos come along.

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