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Thread: Newly Engaged...and New to Army Life

  1. Fresh Newbie
    FutureMrsBest's Avatar
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    #1

    Help Newly Engaged...and New to Army Life

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    Hi! I'm new to this site and so far I have loved everything I've seen and it seems like a great group! Post-training and pre-departure to his overseas duty station, we got engaged (we've been together for just over two years) and are hoping to wed early in 2014. He's been overseas for two weeks now and it is HARD. We have hardly been able to talk and since he doesn't have wifi yet, we haven't even been able to email/message much. Just looking for a bit of advice and reassurance to not flip out or stress myself out! Like, he got on FB yesterday and wrote his parents (they told me they heard from him) and while he read my messages, he didn't write me back. He called me the other day but it's just hard being so far away and getting such little time to communicate...it's hard. Any general advice is greatly appreciated...we are both new to this and while he is more than worth it, it can definitely still be a struggle.

    Thanks in advance!
  2. Senior Member
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    #2
    My SO just left for a deployment too, although this is not my first rodeo. It will take some time to adjust, but if you need to talk or vent feel free to message me!


    "May you never go to hell, but always be on your way."
  3. Wait...what?
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    #3
    DF just deployed as well. So I understand your anxiety also.

    General advice, just try and keep busy. Pick up a new hobby or something. I'm starting Grad School, so thats a intense distraction but it works.

    I'm always here if you need to vent or talk or just ask questions Feel to message me whenever!


    "We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."
    Dr. Seuss
  4. Fresh Newbie
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    #4
    Thank you both so much! I wish I would have logged in sooner because I think I just picked a fight...online even which is so much worse because it's a medium where you can actually 'hear' what you are saying before you say it and can use the ever convenient 'delete' button. I think I do need to find a distraction or something to keep my mind off of it! It's only been two weeks and he's going to be overseas for a year. how do you guys refrain from picking fights? I've had other friends who are married and they have all said that they'll pick fights when they miss their military man but they've never given insight into how to not pick that?! Well, thank you both!
  5. Pour a little salt, we were never here
    [his] lobster's Avatar
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    #5
    I actively did not pick fights when DH was deployed last year and plan to do the same for the next deployment. I seriously viewed him as in a state of vulnerability, and while I could of course bring up issues I was having in life, etc...I never made it about him or his work. I stayed positive and solution focused when I spoke to him. We went through seven months and had two mildly uncomfortable days where we got on each others nerves (we were lucky to speak daily). I just really kept in mind that anything that was big enough of an issue for me to care about that many months later when he got home, I'd address it then. Turns out nothing was that big a deal. I tried to listen, and only listen (normally I tend to ask lots and lots of questions about his work stories), and he really appreciated that.
  6. Fresh Newbie
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by [his] lobster View Post
    I actively did not pick fights when DH was deployed last year and plan to do the same for the next deployment. I seriously viewed him as in a state of vulnerability, and while I could of course bring up issues I was having in life, etc...I never made it about him or his work. I stayed positive and solution focused when I spoke to him. We went through seven months and had two mildly uncomfortable days where we got on each others nerves (we were lucky to speak daily). I just really kept in mind that anything that was big enough of an issue for me to care about that many months later when he got home, I'd address it then. Turns out nothing was that big a deal. I tried to listen, and only listen (normally I tend to ask lots and lots of questions about his work stories), and he really appreciated that.
    Thanks for the tips.... the only thing I ever try to bring up is how much we communicate because I am not lucky enough to talk to my guy every day, but you are right, I need to focus on the positive. When we talk "face to face" via Skype, we never argue, it's usually just through email that I show my emotions but that isn't good either. and yes, the issues big enough can be dealt with when we are face to face.

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