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Thread: I'm really worried about my parents.

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    #1

    Sad I'm really worried about my parents.

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    I found out some disturbing news regarding my side of the family yesterday. I was talking to my grandma (my step dad's mother) and catching up with her about things. I asked her if she has heard from my parents lately because I tried calling them last week and their phone was shut off. She told me she didn't really want to get me or my sister in the middle of it but in the last year or so they have borrowed up to $4,000 from her. My jaw dropped and I was very taken back by this because my poor grandma lost her husband almost 3 years ago and had to claim bankruptcy. She is back on her feet now but money is still pretty tight. But the weird thing is my grandma and I can't figure out where all their money is going. When DH and I were visiting home back in June for my SIL's wedding, I didn't see anything new at their house. Hell their water pump was broke! They don't go out much and on trips or anything lavish. They both make a decent salary so we are just confused as to where all this money is going. My grandma told me every two weeks or so my mom calls asking for money because their electric is going to be shut off or something else. My sister had to get off their cell phone plan because their cell phones were shut off for three weeks! Oh and my mom borrows money from my sister!!!! She is 19 years old!!! She works her ass off and my mom is just asking her for money. That part really pissed me off.

    I talked to DH about it last night and the first thing he thought of was prescription pain meds. It felt like a knife went through my heart when he said that because my mom has been on/off of Vicodin since I was in high school and maybe even before. Every time I talk to her on the phone she is telling me about appointments for this pain or that pain. I hear pill bottles rattling in the background and I have seen the medicine cabinet. She is also a nurse and lost her job a couple years ago due to an investigation involving meds but she claims she had no part in it. The only reason why she got the job she has now is because she knew the doctor. I'm really hoping it is not this. I'm really hoping it is something different like they are just in a lot of debt. But my gut is telling me otherwise. DH even told me he has known people who are hooked on pain meds and knows the signs and my mom shows a lot of them.

    Any advice is welcomed. I don't know how to go about asking if everything is ok and actually getting an answer. My grandma has tried and every time my mom gets defensive and gets off the phone.
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    #2
    My advice is that no matter how hard it might be for you, just stay out of it. Your parents borrowing money from other family members is none of your business. If your grandmother gives them money, despite her financial situation, then unfortunately that's on her.
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by twistertwin View Post
    My advice is that no matter how hard it might be for you, just stay out of it. Your parents borrowing money from other family members is none of your business. If your grandmother gives them money, despite her financial situation, then unfortunately that's on her.
    But what if the reasoning behind it is what I am afraid of? I have to be there for support. I understand the fact that it is on my grandma that she let them borrow money and there isn't anything I can do about that. What I'm afraid of is there is a harmful reason behind it due to my mom's past. I care about my family more than anything and if that is the case then I'm not going to just sit back and watch it happen.
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    #4
    Can you talk to your dad about it without your mom there?


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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Sinderelly View Post
    Can you talk to your dad about it without your mom there?
    I don't know. My grandma told me that she can't get an answer from him either, her own son!
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    #6
    Thats tough. My MIL is and has been addicted since my hubby was growing up. It was always something, alcohol, drugs, pain meds. For the last ten years it has been the last. She even came to visit after our first was born. I had a c section and she stole the pills right out of my cabinet. Everytime she calls you can tell she is high. Our last visit with her before leaving the country she ate a pain patch, chewed it I shit you not and spent three days in bed when we first arrived. I no longer allow her around my kids unless I know she is sober. They were to little then, but still a shitty situation.

    I try to stay out of it because growing up for hubby was hard. She went to jail and rehab only to repeat. As sad as it is to say hubby has let go and moved on. He refuses to help or feel sorry for her, because she continues to deny she does any of it and has ever made mistakes. He still speaks to her but just typical catch up stuff.

    I wish I had an easy answer. Can you go make a surprise visit for a few days with your sister and try to get answers? Over the phone sounds like it wont work. Either she will get defensive or just hang up. Worse yet she could just tell you what you wanna hear.

    I hope it is not what you suspect, truly I do. Good luck!





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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Mammoo View Post
    Thats tough. My MIL is and has been addicted since my hubby was growing up. It was always something, alcohol, drugs, pain meds. For the last ten years it has been the last. She even came to visit after our first was born. I had a c section and she stole the pills right out of my cabinet. Everytime she calls you can tell she is high. Our last visit with her before leaving the country she ate a pain patch, chewed it I shit you not and spent three days in bed when we first arrived. I no longer allow her around my kids unless I know she is sober. They were to little then, but still a shitty situation.

    I try to stay out of it because growing up for hubby was hard. She went to jail and rehab only to repeat. As sad as it is to say hubby has let go and moved on. He refuses to help or feel sorry for her, because she continues to deny she does any of it and has ever made mistakes. He still speaks to her but just typical catch up stuff.

    I wish I had an easy answer. Can you go make a surprise visit for a few days with your sister and try to get answers? Over the phone sounds like it wont work. Either she will get defensive or just hang up. Worse yet she could just tell you what you wanna hear.

    I hope it is not what you suspect, truly I do. Good luck!
    To the bolded: unfortunately we live 7 hours away from home so I don't think that can happen.

    I just got off the phone with my mom and asked her if everything was ok. She seemed odd like really out of it. One minute we were talking about my job interviews and then she started talking about Farmville. I don't know. I called my grandma and voiced my concerns with her and she told me that a couple months ago they stopped refilling her prescription for Vicodin but the thing is my step dad I believe has some pain meds for his back. I texted my sister to see if she noticed anything so we will see.

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