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Thread: Marriage at 18?

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    #1

    Marriage at 18?

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    Today my boyfriend of about 3 years on and off during high school mentioned marriage a little after I left the recruitment office, unsure of what to think, I come to you guys begging for advice and help. I am very old fashioned, as in I believe in waiting till marriage for sex, or however you may say it. A wedding is obviously a very big deal for me, it is my dream to just have the perfect wedding I have always dreamed off; the perfect dress, the perfect day, riding away in a horse drawn carriage, etc. The thing is is that my boyfriend mentioned marrying me when he gets back from basics in about 14 weeks so that when he gets located somewhere, I can go with him. We are in love and have talked about marriage for some time now, but four months to plan a wedding and he hasn't really even proposed? I don't think so; therefore I came up with the idea that we would pull off a quick Las Vegas wedding when he returns then have a real wedding in a few months, possibly not until he is done with the Army. I love the idea, but at the same time am not sure how to think of it nor how to even consider it, knowing my parents are against it. Please, please, please help me out, give me some kind of direction.

    Thank you,
    xoxo

    A Proud Army Girlfriend
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    #2
    I don't recommend marriage at 18, or having a quick wedding with the thought you'll have your dream one later because although some do, from my personal experience most don't ever have that big wedding (including me), I also don't recommend marrying when your family is against it. Obviously I don't know you or your family but if my family was against it I just don't think I could do it, they're your support system when he's away so if they're not there you might be lonely. 18 is so so so very young, you may feel mature and ready but it's hard getting married so young.
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    #3
    Do not. If a wedding is that big of a deal to you, I feel like you will be selling yourself short and you'll regret it. Aside from the wedding itself, the marriage doesn't seem like a great idea either. You're 18 and he's about to go through some major changes. I would highly recommend waiting a while just to see where it goes and save up and plan the wedding you deserve.
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    #4
    I got married at 18 and am still married to him in my thirties.

    18-25 were the hardest years for us because you are both finding out who you are and who you will become. Some grow together and others apart.

    We did the $50 JOP thing and at 7 1/2 years renewed our vows... So it can happen although I know it isn't the norm. But I'm all about breaking stereotypes.
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    The greatest pleasure in life is doing what others say you cannot do!
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by january View Post
    Do not. If a wedding is that big of a deal to you, I feel like you will be selling yourself short and you'll regret it. Aside from the wedding itself, the marriage doesn't seem like a great idea either. You're 18 and he's about to go through some major changes. I would highly recommend waiting a while just to see where it goes and save up and plan the wedding you deserve.


    Also, him wanting to get married so you can move with him is not a valid reason, IMO. I got married at 19 so I don't believe the age is a factor. People do grow up & change a lot but it can work. But with everything you said, I don't believe a marriage at this time would be a good idea.

    "Thank you so much. No matter what, nothing is possible without you behind the scenes bustin heads and takin names. Thank you again. Everything you have done for me means a lot and nothing has gone unnoticed. I love you so much and thank you for saying 'I do.'"
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by january View Post
    Do not. If a wedding is that big of a deal to you, I feel like you will be selling yourself short and you'll regret it. Aside from the wedding itself, the marriage doesn't seem like a great idea either. You're 18 and he's about to go through some major changes. I would highly recommend waiting a while just to see where it goes and save up and plan the wedding you deserve.
    This. It's nuts the amount you change in your early 20's.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by hockeyprincess13 View Post
    This. It's nuts the amount you change in your early 20's.


    I am nowhere near the person I was when I was 18. Heck I have changed a lot since 21 when I met my husband.
    If you really love each other wait. If it is meant to be it will.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by january View Post
    Do not. If a wedding is that big of a deal to you, I feel like you will be selling yourself short and you'll regret it. Aside from the wedding itself, the marriage doesn't seem like a great idea either. You're 18 and he's about to go through some major changes. I would highly recommend waiting a while just to see where it goes and save up and plan the wedding you deserve.
    with this. I think you could only benefit from waiting a while to get your family's support, see how you two grow together and be able to plan your big wedding.
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    #9
    18 is super young. What are your goals as far as education, a career, etc.? Your boyfriend is getting ready to go through a life changing experience. I don’t think a decision that will impact you for the rest of your life should be made on a whim and for the purpose of wanting you to be able to move with him. I would slow down; see how the relationship fares with the distance and lack of communication. Let him get adjusted and settled into his new environment. If he’s the right guy now he will still be the right guy in a couple years when you both have time to grow up a little, show your parents that your relationship is strong, plan your dream wedding, etc. Your marraige will be the stronger for it.
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    #10
    My first marriage was at 19 (she was 18). We had honeymoon syndrome in full swing though we argued a LOT... Basic training gave us distance and drew us together but it was only short term. After Basic I went to Airborne school and after that we got married and both sent to my first duty station in Germany.

    On top of us having no idea how to be mature adults or knowing what we wanted out of life, we also had to deal with family issues, culture shock, and a variety of regular military complications. Since we had no idea how to handle it or the right way to get help we quickly fell apart. My ex claimed the military made her miss out on the college lifestyle and to make up for it she ended up partying constantly and never coming home. It finally got so bad I had to send her back to the U.S. without me because she was getting in trouble and causing problems with my unit. Shortly after that we divorced.

    That was my experience. It wasn't a good one, but it was a real eye opener as to the areas I needed to work on as a person. At 26 I'm probably not the most mature person, but my relationship with DW is a thousand times better than the previous one with my ex. I believe it is because we take things very slow and constantly work on building our relationship instead of breaking it down with constant obstacles.

    Your experience may be different, but I strongly suggest considering what others here have said. If you feel like you haven't done things you want to do or met certain life goals or if you just feel like you aren't ready to grow up then I wouldn't get married yet. You have plenty of time, there are plenty of men (especially soldiers) out there, and if he really wants it to work then you 2 won't have any problems getting past his training. That isn't to say it won't be tough, but there are tons of other people right here on this forum dealing with long distance relationships that haven't married yet.

    If you want a big wedding wait for it. Make sure you get what you want. In the end it is your life and if your life goals aren't being met then you may need to heavily consider where you are going in life and how important those goals really are to you.

    If you think your undying love for each other is enough to get you through anything and I mean ANYTHING, then go for it. It has worked before and I'm sure it will work for others in the future. Good Luck!

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