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Thread: DB's mom apperently thinks im antisocial....and i have no idea how to fix it.

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    #1

    Confused DB's mom apperently thinks im antisocial....and i have no idea how to fix it.

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    so i first met DB's mom while he was in tech school, so i met her alone.... i offered to take some of his things with me because i was going to go visit him so i had to go to her house to pick them up. it was a quick hi im nicole and bye because it was late and i had just gotten off of work. (mind you i had to drive an hour out of my way just to get to her house). We would talk occasionally on facebook but nothing really too serious. About 3 weeks ago DB came home and i literally spent 2 weeks just with him and his family. I spent the whole day at wet n wild with him and his mom and brother and sister. She would constantly tell me how much she liked me and how sweet i was for everything i was doing to help her. She planned a BBQ the day before his birthday and told me directly that all she wanted was for me to come to the BBQ and i could have DB on his birthday. I went to the BBQ met all of his friends and extended family members. Im not gonna lie im a shy girl. it takes me awhile to feel comfortable around new people and that day was filled with new people.... i stayed for about 2 hours and decided i was gonna take off because i had rented a hotel for the weekend since i lived an hour away and didnt see the point in driving back and forth that weekend. he stayed at the BBQ with his family untill it was over. he went home and changed and met me at the hotel. Apparently his mom wasnt too thrilled that he wasnt staying the night at there house and spending the whole day with her. The next morning we made plans to go to church with his whole family. his mom texts him in the morning asking what his plans are and he asks her if we are still going to church. She proceeds to say no but says she still wants to see him. i told him we could deffinately go and spend time with her after we go zip-lining which was my birthday gift to him. We go zip-lining and after that i asked him and said shouldnt we head to your moms house now? he tells me no because he wants to go get some groceries so i can make lunch. so we do....and he left his phone in the car while we were shopping. we return to the car to see that she has literally blown up his phone with texts and calls. (my DB and his mom dont always get along and it has nothing to do with me) The next day she decides to send him a text while im at work saying " is this how its going to be when you get serious with her, your just going to pick her over your family?" when he told me she said this i almost broke out into tears. he tells me that she also thinks that im very antisocial and that i dont speak at all...


    I dont know what to do here. i feel like ive tried my best to get to know her and speak with her and have done everything i can to be genuine and nice to her.
    I was on instagram today and saw his little sister post a video of when we were all together and all she keeps saying is how antisocial i am...after i had just taken her to get her nails and eyebrows done...

    i feel like im trying so hard here and there just not cutting me a break.... im so discouraged. can anyone offer some advice on what to do....?

    (DB is completely understanding and knows that im trying my hardest. and told his mom that he didnt appreciate the fact that she was calling me antisocial)
  2. BingBangBoom that's how babies are made
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    #2
    It sounds like it has nothing to do with you. If they don't always get along then I feel like this is all on her & it seems like she's trying to control him. With how she cancels plans & then makes him feel guilty, yea, that's her being manipulative. You've made an effort, you converse with her & up until that text, it sounds like the two of you got along pretty well but she has her own problems that have nothing to do with you.

    "Thank you so much. No matter what, nothing is possible without you behind the scenes bustin heads and takin names. Thank you again. Everything you have done for me means a lot and nothing has gone unnoticed. I love you so much and thank you for saying 'I do.'"
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    #3
    You don't need to fix it. You don't need to please her. If you are polite and are not running away hiding from her when she is around than if she does not like how you are that is on her not on you.
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    #4
    Honestly I would just continue being polite when you're with them but don't make yourself try harder than you already are. You're not dating them, you're dating him. His mom obviously has issues if she's gonna blow up his phone with shit like that and his sister sounds like a little bitch. My feelings would be very hurt, but I wouldn't change my behavior at all.

    I really doubt it's anything you did if his mom was telling you how much she liked you before. She probably just mad that he wasn't home when she wanted him there, so she's blaming you. I doubt you could've even prevented that.
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    It sounds like she is mad he didn't do what SHE wanted and now she is dragging you into it because that's all she has for ammo. I really wouldn't worry about it, continue to be nice and do what you've been doing.
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    Yeah i figured thats shes just mad at him and not me. but shes kinda taking it out on me indirectly. Im a little worried though because i know im horrible at hiding how i really feel, and im supposed to get together with her to make some care packages for him. And im worried that my emotions might get the best of me when i see her again. I didnt tell DB about the thing with his sister because i feel like he has more than enough to deal with overseas right now so i rather not throw this stress on him too. but i dont know if i can continue to be polite to a woman that is in my opinion completely 2-faced to me. she doesnt know that i know everything shes said about me.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by nicolee View Post
    Yeah i figured thats shes just mad at him and not me. but shes kinda taking it out on me indirectly. Im a little worried though because i know im horrible at hiding how i really feel, and im supposed to get together with her to make some care packages for him. And im worried that my emotions might get the best of me when i see her again. I didnt tell DB about the thing with his sister because i feel like he has more than enough to deal with overseas right now so i rather not throw this stress on him too. but i dont know if i can continue to be polite to a woman that is in my opinion completely 2-faced to me. she doesnt know that i know everything shes said about me.
    It may be hard but it will probably be the best thing to do, at least for now. Try not to get caught up in the 2-facedness or being mean because it probably will just make things worse.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by SmilingBeauty View Post
    It may be hard but it will probably be the best thing to do, at least for now. Try not to get caught up in the 2-facedness or being mean because it probably will just make things worse.
    I agree. Unfortunately, this has nothing to do with you and there's really nothing that you can do to change the situation. This is completely between your DB and his Mom. Trying to get in the middle of it is only going to make things worse.

    Be as cordial as possible to her, but recognize that it's your DB who has to stand up to her, not you.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by january View Post
    Honestly I would just continue being polite when you're with them but don't make yourself try harder than you already are. You're not dating them, you're dating him. His mom obviously has issues if she's gonna blow up his phone with shit like that and his sister sounds like a little bitch. My feelings would be very hurt, but I wouldn't change my behavior at all.

    I really doubt it's anything you did if his mom was telling you how much she liked you before. She probably just mad that he wasn't home when she wanted him there, so she's blaming you. I doubt you could've even prevented that.
    I agree with this. You said that your DB and his mom already have issues that are completely unrelated to you, and it really sounds like she is just directing her anger at you rather than dealing with the issues she has with her son. It's great that you made an effort to spend time with his family, and all you can really do is be polite and nice. Really, the last thing you want to do is start feuding with his mom, and the best thing you can do is try to stay out of her issues. You are dating HIM, not his mother, and if he understands and is supportive of you, then that's what counts. If it gets to a point where you feel that her comments need to be addressed, then your DB is the one who should be speaking to his mom about them. Just do your utmost to stay polite. Good luck! If you need to talk to someone, feel free to PM me. I've had to deal with similar stuff from DH's family (not his mom, but his close family members).
  10. Wibbly, wobbly, timey, wimey stuff.
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    #10
    She's his mom, and up until now, she was probably #1 on his list of important women in his life. I'm thinking she's just jealous that someone has taken her place. I believe you're doing the right thing by continuing to be nice her and the rest of his family, and your DB sounds like a real keeper for standing up for you.
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