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Thread: First Relocation, and frightened.

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    #1

    First Relocation, and frightened.

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    Hello everyone,
    This is my first time speaking to anyone about this, but I really need some advice. My husband and I got married 8 months back, and coming from a military heavy family ( dad, grandfather, brother, all in the army) I wasnt expecting anything I couldnt handle. However, something has come up. We just bought our first home together, and live close to our relatives. Recently my husband has been very eager to change careers ( He is a security manager now, very unhappy with it.) He decided ( pretty much without consulting me) that he would apply for a job as a medical technician with the air force ( he has been in the air force for about 7 years now.) The training for said job has to take place at Lackland Air force Base in Texas. It requires full residency there for 12 months. He just got confirmation that the spot is his. Now, Iv never relocated anywhere in my life. Im having a very difficult time seeing his reasoning behind wanting to leave our beautiful BRAND new home and our relatives. I am trying to put on a strong front for him and always be supportive of his decisions, but honestly Im scared. I dont want to leave our new home, or our family and friends behind to move to a state Iv never been to, to a small apartment on base. Now, my wants aside, it is a fantastic opportunity for him. Am I being too dramatic? Am I being selfish? I feel like I am, which is why I havent said anything to him opposing the idea. I REALLY need some help dealing with this. It appears his mind is already made up, and Im trying to accept that. Can anyone give me some advice on how to handle the move? Maybe anyone from the texas area can tell me what its like living down there? I would love any success stories about relocating and what its like. I just really need an experienced shoulder to lean on. I know I should be more open about my feelings to my husband. Any advice on how to start that convo?

    Thank you to anyone who reads this!
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    #2
    where would he go after the 12 months of school?
    would you be able to sell or rent?
    what will you do if you can't sell it or rent?

    these are questions I would ask before I decided to move for 12 months.

    DH and I chose to live apart for this tour, because we just bought a home ( right before he transferred) I have a great job and our kids live here. It has been hard living apart, but for us financially and emotionally it was better for me to stay here.

    there is no requirement for you to move with him for those 12 months- and with the economy the way it is - if you have not been in your home long enough you will lose a lot of money if you were to sell at this time.
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    After the schooling he would return home, the job he is going for can be done at any hospital, so we are thinking of renting out our new home to a relative while we are in Texas. My brother in law is a reliable guy who would be willing to rent it/keep it up for us while we are gone. Selling it is out of the question for us since we both absolutely love the house and location. He also does not want me to stay at home alone during his schooling...He really wants me to go down there with him. Im not sure how to tell him Im scared without seeming like Im not being supportive.
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    #4
    12 months and then you can move back home? I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be mean, but I don't see the issue. It's not like it's gonna be forever. What's one year out of your life? Plus, you get a new experience while still knowing you have a home to go back to.

    I also don't see the issue with telling him you're nervous because you've never done it before. Being nervous for that is totally normal, so is being a little excited to see a new place. Should you be terrified to the point of not doing it, especially knowing it's only for a year? Absolutely not.
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    #5
    I know moving can be really scary, honestly I'm not the best person to give advice on that because for me it has never been something that bothered me. But some things worry people more than others, I am sure there things that scare me that others may think are no big deal.

    It is definitely possible to express concern while being supportive at the same time. You could let him know that you're super excited and want to support him as best as possible, and you want to plan ahead so you can do the best job of that. You've never moved before so you want to make sure you're prepared. Can he help you make a list of things that need to be addressed? (And then you can go over them and talk about them). Once you have a better idea of specific plans, it will probably seem a lot less scary.
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    I guess I should have mentioned that another reason why im so nervous is because of the fact I have severe social anxiety and often suffer from panic attacks in unfamiliar places. Its very difficult for me to make new friends and being in a completely new state that is nowhere near my home is terrifying to me. Hopefully I can just get over all of that someday.

    Thanks so much for the advice Tojai! The list sounds like a great idea, Im sure my husband would be open to that.
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    Does he already have follow-on orders, or is he in the reserves? If not, how do you know he would be sent back to where you are now? If he is reserves, I guess I can see never expecting to move, but if he is active duty, it seems you should have expected him to do so at some point.

    Either way, good luck, and remember 12 months is a short period of time.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by jane3 View Post
    Does he already have follow-on orders, or is he in the reserves? If not, how do you know he would be sent back to where you are now? If he is reserves, I guess I can see never expecting to move, but if he is active duty, it seems you should have expected him to do so at some point.

    Either way, good luck, and remember 12 months is a short period of time.
    I agree. Unless he is in the military, I don't understand why you thought you would never have to move.
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    #9
    His mind is made up and you have to accept it? No. Heck no. Hell no. Has he signed the paperwork, and if he has, is there any way he can get out of it?

    Because this is a group decision, and he made it without your input. I can't believe you aren't way, way more pissed off about this than you are. You don't have to support this. What he did was unacceptable, so don't just roll over and accept it. He doesn't get to make unilateral decisions about your married life. Let him know that that isn't okay and that if he wants to *consider* enlisting, then you are willing to talk about it and come to a decision together. But that you aren't going to just go along with what he says, just because.

    Don't roll over and take this. Not only are you screwing yourself in the short term with this issue, but you are also setting a precedent and letting him know that it is acceptable to treat you that way, and in doing so, you encourage him him to do more of this in the future.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by TheMedicsWife View Post
    I guess I should have mentioned that another reason why im so nervous is because of the fact I have severe social anxiety and often suffer from panic attacks in unfamiliar places. Its very difficult for me to make new friends and being in a completely new state that is nowhere near my home is terrifying to me. Hopefully I can just get over all of that someday.

    Thanks so much for the advice Tojai! The list sounds like a great idea, Im sure my husband would be open to that.
    I don't know if you are getting treatment for your SA or not, but Military OneSource has a lot of resources that might be helpful to you. I suffered from panic attacks and some other random problems when DH was deployed and they set me up with a therapist and then I got a referral to a psychologist and it really helped me get a lot of things under control.
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