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Thread: I am TERRIFIED!!!

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    Help I am TERRIFIED!!!

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    So, my husband is going through the process of joining the AF. He hasn't completely made up his mind to join, but it is something that he has talked about for years and years. He has a very, very strong emotional attachment to me (and to his mother before me). When we were dating he could hardly be apart from me for a few days. So, his major concern is the time we would spend apart while he is in BMT and Tech. I'm trying to be supportive of him, because I don't want him to give up on a goal because of me. At the same time . . . I am scared out of my mind!!! I have been reading a few forums for military spouses, and I'm only getting more nervous. I've been trying to get my Bachelor's for six years now, and I have about three years left. I'm still second guessing my choice of major, which is Culinary Arts/Business Management! Now I have to consider the portability of my degree, and how I'm going to finish it when I'd have to move in about six months! The idea of being unemployed terrifies me. I'm unemployed now, and it is driving me crazy. Plus, my husband hates feeling like the responsibility of supporting us financially is entirely on his shoulders. Our marriage has been pretty rocky, anyways. I just don't know how we would handle it, or how I would find a fulfilling career (other than joining the AF, too lol). We're also trying to get sealed in the temple. (It's a LDS thing.) Our date right now is for December, which is already pushed back from the original plan of late August. I feel like we'll never get sealed! I am completely freaking out over a million things! I am at an age where I'm ready to settle down, have kids, and start a career; but the rest of my life isn't quite lining up. I need advice on my options for a career/education, and just how you've handled a similar situation. I have no friends who have been in a similar situation, so . . . I guess that's what I'm looking for right now.
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    #2
    If the AF is something that your DH has always wanted then you have to support him in that decision. No matter where he gets stationed you would be able to finish your degree. You don't have to stop having a career just because he is in the military. It might be hard at the beginning finding work because of the economy buts its not impossible. There will be times when you will be away from each other, but the both of you will be able to adjust. If its something you both want for your family then it will all work itself out.
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    Thanks. He really wants to go Marine Corps, but there is no way that I will ever be okay with that! Air Force is more likely for him to qualify for, anyways, and it has always been an option in his mind. I am supporting him, I just wish that I had a support system! I don't want to put all my worries on his mind! I wish there were a spouse recruiter that I could discuss my future military life with! Hahaha! I am not good at doing things without a clear plan. I've already told him that we are getting a dog after he joins, because it will help me cope with loneliness. A career in the military will give our lives a lot more stability, though I'm not sure ho he'll deal with the stress. He is very much an artist at heart, and in temperament. The E-1 pay will be more than double what we're making now, though. I know that's part of his motivation for making the decision now. I am probably just worrying too much about things I can't control.
  4. Pour a little salt, we were never here
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    #4
    I was terrified too, and honestly it's taken a ton of work on my part to learn to live this lifestyle. I was concerned about the seperations (TDYs and Deployments, my DH was prior service so I didn't have to do basic and I lived with him for his new tech school).It's not something to be taken lightly because it's freaking hard. But honestly, it's worth it for me, and I *am* starting to adjust and be okay (been doing this over three years now!). It's a great job with awesome benefits (I have so many health problems!).

    There are definitely difficulties, but if you are determined to rise above them, you totally can (and I'm sure you DH can too, I'm talking about both people in the relationship).
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    #5
    I was absolutely terrified when DF said he was joining the Army. We had talked about it for awhile but I'd always say noo way! I'd also read forums and see the worst things such as, no military men are faithful, blah blah blah, word of advice...DON'T READ IT. Well, fast forward to now and honestly it's done nothing but make our relationship stronger. It's tough to be on the military's schedule, he's no longer a free man and that's the hardest part for me, not being able to be with him whenever I want...it also hurts my wallet because I try and visit a lot and it's costing me tons but we love each other more than ever before. Don't be too freaked out because even if you don't see it now, things happen for a reason.


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    #6
    If his 'major concern' is time apart, BMT and Tech are just the beginning. Can he hack the future separations?
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    #7
    You two have to make the decision together. Its a huge commitment and it will only work if you are both in it for the long haul. I know its his dream to join the military but how does that jive with your dreams? What do you want to do? Its a tough road and you both need to be invested in the decision.
  8. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Anna*Banana View Post
    You two have to make the decision together. Its a huge commitment and it will only work if you are both in it for the long haul. I know its his dream to join the military but how does that jive with your dreams? What do you want to do? Its a tough road and you both need to be invested in the decision.
    I hope you guys can come to a mutual decision that will most benefit your future together
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    #9
    Hey Has he considered the Air National Guard? My boyfriend wanted to go active duty originally, but it works out better for him to be in the guards. He does one weekend a month and 15 days a year after his training (basic and tech school). He gets money for housing and gets to do what he loves! He still gets to live with me and he's even going back to college at the same time! I'm not sure if this would work for you but its just a suggestion! Best of luck!
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    #10
    I understand where your coming from althought im a bit younger but still!! .....before DF wanted to join the army or was in the process, my life kept flashing before my eyes a million times.. things happened so fast..at that time i was trying to enlist as well as thinking about it i thought to myself thats more time away than ill already be having. joining the army is what i really wanted to do ..but since i found him what i wanted most was to support him and be there for him. so i had to think about a career for myself other than military. like you i was also afraid of not getting a job. so i thought about my options i laid out all the careers i was absolutly interested in and i matched them with the army..meaning i thought "ok witch of these would keep me employed whil DFis in the army" ...trust me i eliminated tons and most were really good ones... in the end all i did was think about OUR future so i came upon the medical field. the medical field will always be in need of hireing. i found out no matter where i went with DF id always be employed ...im training for medical office support that job gives me the opportunity to work off and on base. ANYWHO maybe this stradegy would work out for you both too..... WISH THE BEST OF LUCK TO YOU BOTH

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