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Thread: Ongoing...

  1. LessThanThree's Avatar
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    #1

    Confused Ongoing...

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    My Minds Racing!

    Everyone helped so much with this previous thread but my DB brought up another idea. The previous thread was whether I should marry and go live with my DB or finish school.

    SO I TALKED TO HIM!

    So if anyone wanted to know...I talked to him sunday. I'm kind of upset with how the convo went. But he had a really really bad week so I think that is why he reacted the way he did. Believe me it was bad especially because he didn't get himself in trouble but someone in the company did. It sucks what is happening to them and along with that atleast 4 other things went wrong for him. And I hear boot camp is where they get lonely and all they want to do is marry their girlfriends, it kind of makes sense but I'm sure it just makes them realize their relationship more.

    Basically I said we should wait til I graduate. Then he said that we could get married and not live together. Then I said that's weird I don't know and then he said he didn't want to talk about it. So I wanted to not ruin his phone call and talked about other things but I asked him if we could talk about this when we see each other since his phone time isn't enough for us to talk about something so important and he said sure.

    So I wrote him a letter. I hate this no contact thing. He knows that I can't make life decisions in a few seconds. I always think things out! So I wrote to him an alternative where we won't get married after AIT because I will be in classes by then and it won't be easy and plus I wanted like some type of family gathering and small honeymoon. And I want us to both adjust to our seperate lives. I do see the good in marriage and I think we should do it during whichever break you can get leave for. Whether it be my winter, spring or summer break. I think that's fair. That's what I basically wrote to him. I just hope he's still not upset about anything and hope he likes that idea too.

    What do you all think about getting married and then being apart? I've read some stories where others have done this and it worked out. He really wants this and I wouldn't mind it. I actually really look forward to this idea. Thoughts? Please and thank you
  2. sol
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    #2
    DH and I got married almost 5 months ago, as soon as we were certain he was enlisting. We've done LD before, and it's always been tough, but since we did it before I was/am sure we can do it again.

    Marriage is a big deal. Marriage is a huge commitment. Marriage is incredibly tough for some, and requires work from everyone. Marriage opens a lot of opportunities for you to be with/see your DB, but it is not for everyone. Marriage is life as "us" and "we" instead of "me" and "I", and sometimes that's a tough life to adjust to if you haven't even really defined for yourself what "me" and "I" means.

    However, I think I can see that you know that, based on your post.

    How would your families respond?
    "It is ALL THE THINGS to me." -DH, about seeing me.
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    DH and I are doing the GEO thing, and I will tell you it completely sucks.

    I would really advise you to wait, if it is meant to last it will work out and you will be together.
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    #4
    I've been married and apart for 2.5 years. There's nothing wrong with it if it's what you have to do. Being apart has made us stronger and being married gave us the strength we needed during rough times to stick by each other and not run from the struggle. I'll be so happy to finally live with him but I've been happy to be his wife this whole time too.
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    I think deep down you know what is best for your DB and you. I think it is important for you both to continue discussing the prospect of marriage. DF brought up getting married when I see him next, but honestly I want our families to be apart of it. Then he brought up the idea of a courthouse wedding, and a ceremony later on. For me when it comes to marrying DF I want to make sure it is the right time for both of us. That neither one of us are rushing into anything for selfish reasons. I know he wants to be with me, but I think it is important for us to take more time as a couple. To see our ups and downs how we deal with the good, bad, and the ugly. It will all work out. Remember to do what is best for your relationship.
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    #6
    I know a lot of military relationships move faster, but if you have to ask... I think you should wait. There's nothing wrong with how fast some go, but I'm personally a fan of waiting. I'm an avid believer in overcoming large obstacles before taking serious plunges, and distance is a great way of strengthening bonds.

    Don't get me wrong, I've considered what would happen if DB got orders to switch bases. I've thought well, I could always transfer, but to me, that would be too much stress and hassle. Its all what works best for you. Some are okay with that, others aren't.

    Like gunsgirl said, if it's meant to be, it'll happen. Being apart would suck, I'm sure, but I'd rather be apart for a little while if it meant my education was completed. Ultimately, you'll be spending your lifetime with this man. A couple years or so won't matter in the long run.

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    #7
    I got married to DH in the middle of AIT and while I was in college. It was rough and my college got put on the backburner. If I coudl have a doover I woudl have waited. Marriage is hard.
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    Quote Originally Posted by sol View Post
    DH and I got married almost 5 months ago, as soon as we were certain he was enlisting. We've done LD before, and it's always been tough, but since we did it before I was/am sure we can do it again.

    Marriage is a big deal. Marriage is a huge commitment. Marriage is incredibly tough for some, and requires work from everyone. Marriage opens a lot of opportunities for you to be with/see your DB, but it is not for everyone. Marriage is life as "us" and "we" instead of "me" and "I", and sometimes that's a tough life to adjust to if you haven't even really defined for yourself what "me" and "I" means.

    However, I think I can see that you know that, based on your post.

    How would your families respond?
    That's why I atleast want to wait a few months after we are both settled in our current situation so we have it thought out and and still want to do it sooner than later.

    I know that's what I told him in the letter that things will change and not be like they are now when we are married. There is a lot more involved in a marriage. I told him we have a lot to discuss. I'll probably have to write a list of things to talk about lol because there is so much.

    His family is hispanic so they already see it coming. My family ehhh...probably wouldn't be too happy but they would still support me espeically because I wouldn't ruin college for it. They just want to see me happy and they want me to be smart about what I do. So they will probably be in between with feelings.



    Quote Originally Posted by gunsgirl View Post
    DH and I are doing the GEO thing, and I will tell you it completely sucks.

    I would really advise you to wait, if it is meant to last it will work out and you will be together.
    GEO? I know I told him we could wait two years til I finished school but he really wants to get married. I think it's just because he is lonely in boot camp. That's why I want to wait til he adjusts to life on base and has more freedom. Maybe then he can wait the 2 years.



    Quote Originally Posted by Candice. View Post
    I've been married and apart for 2.5 years. There's nothing wrong with it if it's what you have to do. Being apart has made us stronger and being married gave us the strength we needed during rough times to stick by each other and not run from the struggle. I'll be so happy to finally live with him but I've been happy to be his wife this whole time too.
    For 2.5 years you have been LD...the whole 2.5 years? That's the way I'm looking at it. Marriage is just a little more work than not being married. We are going to be long distance either way. It will almost be the same except I will have his last name and have some what wife responsibilities. It will definetly be an adjustment.



    Quote Originally Posted by southernbelle88 View Post
    I think deep down you know what is best for your DB and you. I think it is important for you both to continue discussing the prospect of marriage. DF brought up getting married when I see him next, but honestly I want our families to be apart of it. Then he brought up the idea of a courthouse wedding, and a ceremony later on. For me when it comes to marrying DF I want to make sure it is the right time for both of us. That neither one of us are rushing into anything for selfish reasons. I know he wants to be with me, but I think it is important for us to take more time as a couple. To see our ups and downs how we deal with the good, bad, and the ugly. It will all work out. Remember to do what is best for your relationship.

    We definetly have a lot to talk about. I am the same way with wanting our families to be part of it. I won't to be able to get married and have some type of ceremony the same day with a small honeymoon where we could spend a few days together. More time as a couple always helps. I'm trying to figure out what's best for our relationship.



    Quote Originally Posted by KateElizabeth View Post
    I know a lot of military relationships move faster, but if you have to ask... I think you should wait. There's nothing wrong with how fast some go, but I'm personally a fan of waiting. I'm an avid believer in overcoming large obstacles before taking serious plunges, and distance is a great way of strengthening bonds.

    Don't get me wrong, I've considered what would happen if DB got orders to switch bases. I've thought well, I could always transfer, but to me, that would be too much stress and hassle. Its all what works best for you. Some are okay with that, others aren't.

    Like gunsgirl said, if it's meant to be, it'll happen. Being apart would suck, I'm sure, but I'd rather be apart for a little while if it meant my education was completed. Ultimately, you'll be spending your lifetime with this man. A couple years or so won't matter in the long run.

    I also asked because I have only discussed this with one of my friends and can't talk to my DB about it anytime soon. So it's eating me alive inside with all my thoughts.

    Well I would stay home for college no matter what. Because like you said it would be too much stress to transfer. And it'll probably end up costing me a lot more money then necessary. It's only 2 years and I'm sure it'll fly.

    I told him 2 years apart will make our lifetime together better. It 's worth it.
    Like I said above that's why I atleast want to wait a few months after we are both settled in our current situation so we have it thought out and and still want to do it sooner than later.



    Quote Originally Posted by BlueJay View Post
    I got married to DH in the middle of AIT and while I was in college. It was rough and my college got put on the backburner. If I coudl have a doover I woudl have waited. Marriage is hard.
    I'm guessing you both had a LDR because you were in college and he got stationed far away? Because I'm sure if my DB never joined the army and stayed home. He would have been a huge distraction to my education.
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    #9
    GEOgraghical BACHelor- this is the technical term for when the AD member and family CHOOSE to live apart-- yes it has a name
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    Quote Originally Posted by gunsgirl View Post
    GEOgraghical BACHelor- this is the technical term for when the AD member and family CHOOSE to live apart-- yes it has a name
    I would have never guessed I'm sure that sucks either way, long distance is long distance. I don't know if being married makes it harder because just that you both are husband and wife and you should be together. I guess it depends on a lot of factors.
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