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Thread: need advice about new roommate

  1. MilitarySOS Jewel
    EmilyPT's Avatar
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    #1

    need advice about new roommate

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    So a new girl just moved into my dorm on Thursday night. She's incredibly socially awkward and a little strange. Nice girl, though. However, she has a problem with boundaries.

    Without asking, she uses all of my stuff. From pots and pans and dishes to hand soap. She also doesn't clean them when she's done. We're only living together for six weeks.

    She just texted me saying she wants to reorganize the kitchen... full of 100 percent my stuff. Huh? How do I tell her I would prefer we keep our things separate without making this socially awkward girl even more painful to be around? I'm really bad at confronting people, hence the need for some guidance.
  2. Dancing Backwards in High Heels
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    #2
    I know it sucks, but you just need to bite the bullet and talk to her. Things won't improve if you don't talk to her. If it helps, do it while having ice cream
  3. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #3
    Can you suggest that you guys reorganize it together?

    And then while you're doing it you can talk about whose things belong to whom and set some ground rules about cleaning up and buying supplies. Like you can say "ok I bought the soap we have now, you want to get a bottle when this runs out?"
  4. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #4
    Yeah, guess I just need to get over it. I'm so bad at this and I don't want to hurt her feelings. It just makes me feel like a line was crossed with her using my stiff without asking, and then doesn't even take care of it. Thanks, guys.
  5. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #5
    As for the reorganizing, just let her know that you're used to where things are and it would be kind of an inconvenience to have to re-learn the locations of things.

    As for not sharing things, I'm no help there
  6. You are here.
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Franky. View Post
    As for the reorganizing, just let her know that you're used to where things are and it would be kind of an inconvenience to have to re-learn the locations of things.

    As for not sharing things, I'm no help there
    ditto.....on the top line

    for sharing things tell her point blank that you aren't comfortable sharing stuff. you don't know if she doesn't have something communicable. or that she may have issues (ie if she needs stuff kosher or no peanuts due to allergies). i'd go so far as fibbing and saying "please don't use my things, I have OCD or a peanut/gluten allergy and you using them without my permission, i could have issues with that so please purchase what you need, and refrain from using my stuff. Yes we're roommates but thats it, we share space, not stuff." unless you adddress her on these issues it won't get resolved and you'll have to stew in that worry until you could blow up or something.
  7. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #7
    Since it's only six weeks I'd just let her know that it's really not worth it to reorganize everything and it would be more of a pain to try to find things. As for using your stuff...just tell her you'd appreciate it if she would ask first and if she has an issue with that to just not use it. It's not your fault she's kind of socially awkward and you shouldn't feel bad about letting her know what you are/aren't comfortable with.
  8. Senior Member
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    #8
    Wow deja vu sounds like the roommate I had in college. She was always reorganizing things when I was in class or at work in our room, kitchen, living room, and where my bathroom products were. Would use my computer/printer without asking, and use my pots/pans without cleaning them as well. Honestly it didn't bother me as much as I would come home and I couldn't find anything. Eventually I had to sit down with her and ask her if we could keep the items they way they are. She was very understanding. I think its important to just be open and honest with her. She may not realize how much it is bothering you
  9. Senior Member
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    #9
    I had a similar problem back in the day when I shared an apartment with my sister who has ZERO boundaries. I had to hide EVERYTHING in MY bathroom cabinet to make sure I wouldn't find my shampoo and perfume suddenly empty
    I hope those 6 weeks go by fast for you.

    I agree with PPs, as uncomfortable as it is I think you have to openly tell her. Maybe if it helps you could tell her that you would like your things in the kitchen to stay where they are cause you are used to the way it is but offer to empty one cabinet for her so she has a place to organize HER stuff the way she wants to. Might also give her a hint that you expect her to use her own stuff.
    PCS time is getting closer. Let our Europe adventures begin!
  10. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Pixiedust View Post
    I had a similar problem back in the day when I shared an apartment with my sister who has ZERO boundaries. I had to hide EVERYTHING in MY bathroom cabinet to make sure I wouldn't find my shampoo and perfume suddenly empty
    I hope those 6 weeks go by fast for you.

    I agree with PPs, as uncomfortable as it is I think you have to openly tell her. Maybe if it helps you could tell her that you would like your things in the kitchen to stay where they are cause you are used to the way it is but offer to empty one cabinet for her so she has a place to organize HER stuff the way she wants to. Might also give her a hint that you expect her to use her own stuff.
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