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Thread: need some advice.....

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    #1

    Confused need some advice.....

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    ok so a little background....

    I am my husbands second wife.... first wife ( we will calle her c)...they got married C wanted a divorce after a month of marriage, told him while he was in his first deployment...he comes back they get their divorce, she comes clean says she cheated on him the entire time they were together, blah blah blah

    skip ahead a few years, me and DH get together via fb ( we actually dated in high school just kinda re united) C, her sister and her mother were all friends with DH on FB well, like 2 years ago ( after me and DH started dating) he deleted her from his friends, he was still friends with sister and mother. well the other day about a week ago DH came to me shocked and because C sent him a friend request. he said that he didn't know why and that it was odd and said something along the lines of why would I add her after what she did I cant stand her. ok fair enough....for the record I am not the very jealous type. Im the type of person u have ur friends cool as long as nothing seems suspicious. well when I got home from an interview today I had checked fb and it said that he added her as a friend....this kinda hurt like to my understanding he wasn't gonna add her. Finding this out has made me feel hurt and lied to and kinda like in a way if he kinda wonders what if with her. :'(

    what I need help with... I am not sure how to bring it up to him without sounding rude and making him be defensive....any thoughts would be appreciated....

    Thanks yall for the help in advance i just dont know how to approach the subject..



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    #2
    In a non-confrontational, non-accusatory way, ask him why he changed his mind. Be straightforward so he knows what you're talking about, but don't add the "are you wondering what if" in there. Give him an opening to talk, and you to listen.
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    #3
    Thanks. I just kinda dont wanna show too much that I am hurt because of it. I will do that though Appreciate it.



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    #4
    I would suggest just saying something like "hey I saw on fbook that you added C, what made you decided to change your mind and accept her request?"

    Like a pp said just try to stay non-confrontational


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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by inmansgirl06 View Post
    I would suggest just saying something like "hey I saw on fbook that you added C, what made you decided to change your mind and accept her request?"

    Like a pp said just try to stay non-confrontational


    If you come up swinging, he could get defensive, and that could lead to a fight. Just stay calm and approach it as calmly as you can. If it bothers you that she is on there, tell him. If he doesn't know, he can't do anything to rectify it.

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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Stardust View Post
    In a non-confrontational, non-accusatory way, ask him why he changed his mind. Be straightforward so he knows what you're talking about, but don't add the "are you wondering what if" in there. Give him an opening to talk, and you to listen.
    exactly

    he was probably thinking about it after your conversation and changed his mind. just ask him for an explanation as if you are just curious. very casual. nothing crazy. i doubt he is wondering what if.


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    #7
    Thanks yall. I guess because I have been cheated on in the past and have been hurt before it just bothers me and I am not one to want to start fights or want to fight at all for that matter, most of the time I just keep it inside but this seemed like something I wouldn't be able to.



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    #8
    ..... Hope your talk goes well and good luck
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    #9
    I agree with the PPs. Just talk with him! Even if you do sound hurt, it's not a huge deal, and he should understand. A solution is just one easy conversation away.
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