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Thread: Your opinion

  1. Kas
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    #1

    Your opinion

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    Ok so DB asked me to move with him when he comes back to the states. He doesn't want to be apart any longer. Now don't get me wrong I don't either. But I'm scared that if me and my daughter move and then a year or so down the road we break it off. Well that invovles me picking up and moving back home and by then DD will be in school. I'm kinda scared, I've never had a guy as good as him. Now I've become very independent since I left my ex and he understands but he doesn't want me to get a full time job if I move with him. Says I need to focus on college. O.k well I guess my question is what would you ladies do?

    We have been dating for 6 months and by the time he gets back it will be 10. Known him for 2 1/2 years. And yes I love him to ends if the earth.
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    #2
    I would never relocate for just a boyfriend, I'd need to be at least engaged first. Especially if there was a kid in the mix.
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by january View Post
    I would never relocate for just a boyfriend, I'd need to be at least engaged first. Especially if there was a kid in the mix.
    Yup. It's a big deal to move a child, trust me, I was moved a million times when I was young. You need some sort of promise of stability, not just for you but your child.


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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by january View Post
    I would never relocate for just a boyfriend, I'd need to be at least engaged first. Especially if there was a kid in the mix.
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  5. Kas
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    #5
    We have talked about marriage but I just got out of a really bad one last year. So it's not commitment problems it's just ehhh. I look forward to marrying him but just not yet.
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    #6
    What are his thoughts on your concerns? It doesn't sound like he's thinking of this the way you have to as a single parent. I wouldn't do it. I feel like there are other ways to make the distance shorter.
  7. BingBangBoom that's how babies are made
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by january View Post
    I would never relocate for just a boyfriend, I'd need to be at least engaged first. Especially if there was a kid in the mix.


    I also believe that if you ever have to question yourself about moving in with someone then it's probably not the right time to do so.

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    #8
    I would be very cautious about living with someone with your DD... I was a single parent. I contemplated getting married and moving... but with the lil one involved; I'd slow down... talk about it, plan ahead, but move at a snails pace when it comes to committing to living together. That is a very, very big deal for her; your lil one. Regardless about how fast you feel the relationship should go; that needs to go out the window. You need to think of your child before your relationship. Your commitment to her began before you were involved with this guy and it needs to be the priority.

    I'm getting married. My kids love my DF. We have yet to live together. We've been together for nearly 3 years. Two of it has been "official". I took my time before saying, "this is my SO" kwim?

    But I highly suggest not moving and focusing on school where you are at. The relationship can continue to build.

    I just graduated from college in 2011. I'm starting my masters this fall. You can be a single parent and go to school w/o a live-in boyfriend. Anything is possible. Give it time.

    You know this...you said it in your OP, if a year goes by and it didn't work; you'll be dealing with a lot more than just your broken heart. Please, please take your time.

    ETA: If this relationship is the one, whats a few years? In that time you'll be building up your DD. Focus on her. This time, at her age and stage of development, it is so very important for her to have consistency.
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    #9
    Also consider that if you move in a few months, you'll be ripping your daughter out of school in the middle of the year. At least wait until the summer so she doesn't have issues in that arena with grades etc.
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    #10
    I think you need to ask yourself some questions before you move in with your DB. Maybe even start a list of the pros and cons of moving to be with your DB. I would slow down a little bit. Even with the distance when he comes back see if everything is still working out time will tell. It will give your DB time to readjust being stateside again. Since you have a daughter you definitely need to look out for her interest. How she will be emotionally with you being with a new guy. If choose to move to be closer to DB would there be anyway for you to move closer to him without having to move in with him? That might be something to consider down the road as well. Especially if you are still working through your emotions from your past relationship. It would give your daughter and you time to adjust to this new life before you get married and start a family together.
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