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Thread: Finding myself in a rut... *long read

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    Help Finding myself in a rut... *long read

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    I couldn't figure out where this thread should go because it can fit it into any of several catergories . I figured that this deployment may also be a contributing factor and cannot be the only one who has gone/going through the readjusting to new people, places and things bit. So what I have here is a little rant/vent and a what am I doing wrong? What should I be doing differently? Advice? Suggestions?


    Brief Background:
    I'm from the Northeast, Philadelphia to be exact and just moved here to Virginia. These two demographics are playing a big role in my current frustration, don't get me wrong I love both places and am learning/adjusting to my new home and am happy to be here. BUT. I've come to the realization that I'm a huge City Girl ... I never thought so before but now seeing as though how spoiled the Big City has made me I began feeling like such a brat! So in preparation of Operation Stay Busy I made a new to-do-during-deployment-list. I decided to ship up & ship straight it's time to check these things off my list for once and for all!!! I've been feeling kind of great about it until all the walls began stacking up ahead of me ... Okay okay let me track back to the "spoiled" bit, I do not have my Drivers License and I know to many people who were born and raised in places with great landscapes of distance between their homes and the nearest shopping centers it's like unheard of I'm from a congested city not as much as NY but not a far cry from it. For the most part not having a car or license is pretty common because places are very close and convienent to everywhere in the city. Then our public transportation service pretty much runs the city and surrounding regions. Don't get me wrong people have their DL there and know how to drive it's just that our subway/trolley/bus/rail & el lines make it so that driving is a second thought as a means of travel.


    The Rant/vent....
    All of that to say I had always been blah zay about obtaining my dL until I met the state of VA. Yes I'm in the process of getting my DL now, I have my permit already and so I thought .... so many willing people who volunteered to help me learn how to drive Turns out it was just talk ... ugh okay whatever ... db knows how to drive already and his old buddy is saling his car to him since he's getting a new one and moving away so I'll learn then ... Nope! the car gets in an accident before he gets the chance to sale it to us...ugh okay whatever.... well he has been saving up to get a car and will have one soon so when he gets it let all the learning began!!!! .... well ... SURPRISE I'm the Navy & wanna deploy you! ..... Ugh okay whatever ... "okay I'll sign up for behind the wheel drivers lessons" ... "WHAT THE !!!???? Why is this so expensive!? I can't pay this right now! I don't have that kind of money for this!" ugh but I need this license because I want to be able to broaden my search for employment and well to get around a little more independence. However, I need a job in order to pay for these lessons . I've been relentless in my job search its what I do every morning noon and night. I've registered for email alerts for positions I'm looking for, I've edit my resume so much I should know it word for word by heart now applied to I don't know how many jobs ..... and still nothing! Grant it, it's been a month since my search but why don't people understand how awesome it'd be to have me working for their company!? I feel like my deployment list is falling apart. During our last deployment my list went smoothly and I accomplished a lot on it. This time around I feel like my list has holes in it . On top of that everyone from back home (although they mean well) are hounding me with the "Are you working yet? "Are you driving yet?" "He's gone, so what are you gonna do?" " If it were me I couldn't do it" "Well that's what he signed up for, you knew it would happen" I'm starting to think I don't live far enough I'm feeling myself heading into a rut & wanting to distance myself from people back home. I don't know if that's the best idea being as though I'm already away from just about everyone I know but thats how I'm feeling



    What am I doing wrong?
    Is there something else I could be doing?
    Should I distance myself from the nagg boxes from back home?
    If you've ever been in a similar situation, what happened? What did/do you do? Ugh I feel like such a fuss box because it's just the beginning.
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    Damn... So many walls. I definitely know how that feels... my "DF In Training" list has a few holes as well, and I've been running into some walls too. It can get hard to do work out big things without the help of the SO sometimes... You're not alone.

    I don't think you're doing anything wrong. But I definitely thing you SHOULD distance yourself from "the nagg boxes"! They are only serving to bring you down at a time when you definitely do not need it. Definitely have a talk with them, but if they refuse to understand your situation and difficulties, there is no need for you to keep communicating with them for the time being... you have your own problems to worry about, and while they should be your support, their comments are only detrimental to you right now. Your problems are really tough, but also common, and there is no reason they shouldn't understand what you're going through. They should be trying to help you!

    As for your car incident, I recommend asking around some more Cars are tricky things, but it all comes down to communication to get it done. Guilt-trip the people who suggested helping you. I know it's no fun, but when it comes down to it, it's really just another challenge that you can overcome. The car accident thing sucks, but its yet another reason to try to persuade others to teach you to drive. I'm sure you'll be able to find a solution It's tough, but definitely not the end.

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    Where are you in VA? I think we paid $285 last year though Old Dominion Driving school in Va Beach.
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    On top of that everyone from back home (although they mean well) are hounding me with the "Are you working yet? "Are you driving yet?" "He's gone, so what are you gonna do?" " If it were me I couldn't do it" "Well that's what he signed up for, you knew it would happen"

    I'm sure they mean well but I would find all of the above so insulting on so many different levels. I don't blame you from distancing yourself from the people back home. I wouldn't say that 20 questions is all that supportive.
    "...so have I chosen, both the sweet and the bitter."
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    Quote Originally Posted by Contra View Post
    Damn... So many walls. I definitely know how that feels... my "DF In Training" list has a few holes as well, and I've been running into some walls too. It can get hard to do work out big things without the help of the SO sometimes... You're not alone.

    I don't think you're doing anything wrong. But I definitely thing you SHOULD distance yourself from "the nagg boxes"! They are only serving to bring you down at a time when you definitely do not need it. Definitely have a talk with them, but if they refuse to understand your situation and difficulties, there is no need for you to keep communicating with them for the time being... you have your own problems to worry about, and while they should be your support, their comments are only detrimental to you right now. Your problems are really tough, but also common, and there is no reason they shouldn't understand what you're going through. They should be trying to help you!

    As for your car incident, I recommend asking around some more Cars are tricky things, but it all comes down to communication to get it done. Guilt-trip the people who suggested helping you. I know it's no fun, but when it comes down to it, it's really just another challenge that you can overcome. The car accident thing sucks, but its yet another reason to try to persuade others to teach you to drive. I'm sure you'll be able to find a solution It's tough, but definitely not the end.


    The past few days I've been screening my calls and I deactivated my facebook and sat my laptop to the side, I'll say that it has definately helped. Today I put my FB back up but chose to unsubscribe from certain people but am still contemplating if i'm just gonna deactivate it again.

    As far as asking around some more it's not easy for me to ask for things and the car thing is something that has been volunteered in vain besides I live in a different state now so it's pretty much out of the question now. I had discussed it with them when I was visiting for a couple of weeks and got the run around so now I'm just trying to find a way beyond all these walls that are blocking me


    Quote Originally Posted by Beach View Post
    Where are you in VA? I think we paid $285 last year though Old Dominion Driving school in Va Beach.
    Oh wow that's a better price than I've been seeing around, for me right now it's still a lot though so I'd have to save for a while. I'm not to far from Old Dominion at all I'm in norfolk.


    Quote Originally Posted by rayzgirl View Post
    On top of that everyone from back home (although they mean well) are hounding me with the "Are you working yet? "Are you driving yet?" "He's gone, so what are you gonna do?" " If it were me I couldn't do it" "Well that's what he signed up for, you knew it would happen"

    I'm sure they mean well but I would find all of the above so insulting on so many different levels. I don't blame you from distancing yourself from the people back home. I wouldn't say that 20 questions is all that supportive.
    To the bolded I agree but at this time my mood is all over the place so I won't tell them how condescending nagging and insulting they are being because I know me .... I will snap perhaps take all my other frustrations out on them and tell everyone off in the process... so for now I'm not saying anything and waiting until I'm calm
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    & thanks guys I'm hanging in there just didn't know how much of a break I needed from some people...
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    Quote Originally Posted by NavyLove View Post
    The past few days I've been screening my calls and I deactivated my facebook and sat my laptop to the side, I'll say that it has definately helped. Today I put my FB back up but chose to unsubscribe from certain people but am still contemplating if i'm just gonna deactivate it again.

    As far as asking around some more it's not easy for me to ask for things and the car thing is something that has been volunteered in vain besides I live in a different state now so it's pretty much out of the question now. I had discussed it with them when I was visiting for a couple of weeks and got the run around so now I'm just trying to find a way beyond all these walls that are blocking me
    Glad the distancing has been helping you some. As for the volunteering, I see, I thought you meant it was from people who lived around you Well, my only advice is to chat with as many people as you can about driving instruction options in your area, because many, many companies offer huge discounts (like, 30-40%) if you go to them through a referral. I wish you the best!
    Absence is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great.
    - Roger de Bussy-Rabutin



    "You mean every little bitty thing, and every super huge thing to me."

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