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Thread: School stateside or putting it on hold?

  1. sol
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    #1

    School stateside or putting it on hold?

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    So, DH just finished boot camp and is now at AIT. He's already put his dream sheet in for bases in this state, but he told me there was also a high chance he'd be stationed overseas straight after AIT.

    Okay, that's fine, I've pretty much expected him to be far away from me for the duration of his 4-year contract.

    But then he asks last night if I'd consider coming with him if he's stationed overseas.

    I want to! I really do! But I don't feel like I can!

    I'm currently de facto "cut off" from my parents. I'm around 3 semesters from graduation with my bachelor's degree with (hopefully) a 4.0. I want to pursue graduate school. I've only now just gotten in-state tuition at my school, and if I work hard enough, I won't have to take any loans out if I stay at this school.

    Part of what I want to do requires being at a university for at least 2 years past my undergraduate degree, and doing applied research in my field. I know that I need momentum to finish school and start graduate work and potentially get the job(s) I've always dreamed of getting. (Either international relations, intercultural communication, or communication studies)

    But I more than anything want to be with DH. And I'd love to live overseas. It's one of those things that I just want to do while I can.

    So I guess I have a few questions that some people might answer. Can I afford to put school on hold? Do I have graduate school options even if I live overseas? Has anyone here put their schooling on hold in order to PCS abroad with their DH? Or has anyone made the opposite decision to stay stateside and finish schooling instead? If so, why did you do it? What were some of the deciding factors?

    Thanks.
    "It is ALL THE THINGS to me." -DH, about seeing me.
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    #2
    if it was me I woud finish up my bachelors and move with my DH, you can always go back to graduate school or even go overseas.

    but I would so want to live over seas because it is a once in a life time thing.
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    #3
    If you are able to finish overseas then go...If not don't feel bad about staying. My DH and I got stationed in England right after AIT and I put school on hold. I still went to school but I couldn't really take the classes I wanted so I moved back a year early to go to back to school. I chose to go because we had just gotten married and I did want to be with him for sometime but then I had to go because I really wanted to finish school. It was more expensive going back but I was also lucky to live with my parents for free.

    Being overseas is a good experience and travel once you're over there travel is hella cheaper! Either one will be a good choice.
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    #4
    I haven't really been in your situation, but I would finish school. It only gets harder getting back into studying and all once you've had a longer break.
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    #5
    I'd finish up the bachelors and join him... Being overseas is kind of a once in a lifetime thing for a lot of people.
  6. AMD
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    #6
    Unless your school has an online option, I would stay and finish up your undergrad. I got really lucky, because my school had a pretty large online program, so I just switched all my classes to online the semester we moved overseas. Had that not been an option, I probably wouldn't have come with DH right away.

    But like the others said, grad school will still be there. Depending on what you're studying, the Ed Center at the OCONUS duty station may have something that interests you.

    Honestly, though, he hasn't gotten any orders yet, so try not to stress too much
  7. AMD
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    #7
    Double post.
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    #8
    I am kind of in the same situation. And I choose to stay in school. Him and I have talked a lot about just getting married and me going to school where ever we are. I fought him because I just wanted to be with him but we finally agreed on me finishing school. But there were other factors. We really don't want to be apart.

    But it will make more sense just to continue where you are and get it over with. You will be able to focus on your school while he is able to focus on his work. I just look at it this way...I will graduate college and will be able to be with my DB. This will help us have a stable future due to my education. Also the time should fly by if you are so busy with school. I'm even looking into finishing a semester early but that might not be possible.

    I am still kind of with our decision but I think it will be easier this way. I'm setting a foundation for our future. Just think of it that way. Not saying you should do what I am because the choice is up to you. I hope you figure it out soon. I know the emotions
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    #9
    At first, before reading all of your OP, I was thinking, "Stay in school. Definitely stay in school, or you'll regret it later." And actually... maybe that's not the case. I'll eventually face the same decision with DF: I'm moving where he is to finish my undergraduate schooling, but afterwards, if he gets pulled out of reserve or gets PCS'ed, I will have to follow him...

    Staying in school and securing that degree might promise you a smooth career in the future, while going with your DH would be exciting, but compromising to your education. However, I'm urging you not to look at it just from the point of your future career... what do you really see as success/happiness? Would a change of education really debilitate your chances of succeeding in your dream career? What if your career vs. his career continues to keep you from being with him in the future? That won't hurt your relationship, many couples have great marriages with powerful, polarizing jobs, but it really comes down to whether you believe that a successful career is your highest priority or not. That's more of what I see this decision as. 4 years is a long time, not impossible, but definitely tough.

    However, more to the point of your situation: Have you talked to your school about it? I don't know if you are undergraduate/undeclared or set on your degree path already, but it's possible that, since you are pursuing international relations and communications, the overseas experience wouldn't hurt your dream career. I think doesn't have to be black and white... you know?

    That's definitely a tough decision, but not one that you are alone in. Good luck!
    Absence is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great.
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  10. sol
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    #10
    Well, thanks everyone for the input!

    I haven't yet talked to my school about it, but I'm pretty sure they don't have options for my degree for online completion. :/ However, I know that there is a smaller chance of getting "stuck" if I relocate after my BA is done. Lots of people stop after undergraduate school to get their heads on right and decide what they want to study in graduate school.

    Ultimately it all depends on whether DH decides he wants to make the military a career option (which is depending on a lot of things, itself). Just from my limited experience with the separation so far, I am very close to saying that 4 years of Army life is quite enough. If that's so, I absolutely need to pursue graduate school because I'll be able to get a better job. And I'm more than comfortable being the primary breadwinner after he's done. (He's totally fine with that) I know we're strong, but I just can't stand the separation.

    I think my biggest problem is that I want everything planned out just so, and god knows that never happens! Haha.
    "It is ALL THE THINGS to me." -DH, about seeing me.
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