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Thread: Boyfriend is being distant. Don't know what to do. :'(

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    Sad Boyfriend is being distant. Don't know what to do. :'(

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    Hello.

    I'm new on here. My boyfriend and I have been dating a little over two months. He's in the army and is stationed in KS. I live in Texas (where we are both from). We had gone to jr high and high school together, but never really talked until last year when we would message each other on fb while he was in Afghanistan. He came home finally in January and we started hanging out while he had a month's leave. He went back to Kansas at the end of February and invited me to a military ball at the end of march. I went up there and had a lot of fun with him, but he never mentioned dating or anything. This entire time we would text constantly; he was always being really sweet and asking what I was up to, telling me how much he missed me, etc. one night in April, he finally texted me about what I considered us and he wanted to talk about it of I did because he really cared for me. So when he came home for his four day in April, we talked and started dating. It was good for a few weeks, but he has become increasingly distant and hardly ever texts me anymore. I have aske him about it but he says that he's just busy and when he gets off of work all he wants to do is relax. I'm his first and only girlfriend so I know he doesn't have experience with stuff, but I just feel he's pushing me away and it's all my fault. I don't text him as much as I used to because i dont wanna bother him. I just don't know what to do and why he's acting this way. I know he wouldn't cheat on me and that he cares for me, but what should i do? He is fine when we are together, but when he leaves back for Kansas, he shuts me out. I asked him why and he said he has a hard time confiding in others and talking about his feelings. I know he hates being up in KS and he's told me before that I'm the only reason he comes back to Texas every month I just hate feeling ignored. :'(
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    #2
    Honestly I'd text him and tell him that you are really into him and want to make this work but you don't see it working out with the lack of communication. He can't expect you to patiently wait for him if he's not willing to put in the effort to show that you're waiting for something real.

    I say if it doesn't improve after a serious conversation don't waste your time. You sound young and there are plenty of fish out in the sea.

    and welcome to the site.
  3. I just can't even...
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    #3
    First off, to MSOS... why don't you drop by the newbie section and introduce yourself. We want to get to know you.


    As far as your relationship situation, how old are you both if you don't mind me asking? Since you say this is his first relationship he might be feeling scared at the onslaught of emotions. He maybe distancing himself because he misses you and doesn't know how to deal with those emotions.

    I'd give him time. Tell him you are here for him whenever he needs to talk and that you'd love if he confided in you, whenever he is ready.
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by HollySunshine View Post
    Honestly I'd text him and tell him that you are really into him and want to make this work but you don't see it working out with the lack of communication. He can't expect you to patiently wait for him if he's not willing to put in the effort to show that you're waiting for something real.

    I say if it doesn't improve after a serious conversation don't waste your time. You sound young and there are plenty of fish out in the sea.

    and welcome to the site.
    Communication is key. I would talk to him. Hope everything works out.
  5. Banned
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    #5


    How long has he been here? It can take some guys quite awhile to adjust to Ft. Riley if they come from a bigger city/aren't used to so many farm animals.

    If he recently got here, he may just be homesick and he may not know what to do/where to go for fun. If you don't know where all the fun spots are, Ft. Riley CAN be pretty boring.

    I agree with the other posters, you need to talk to him about the lack of communication, and see what happens from there.
  6. Senior Member
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    #6
    Oh, this takes me back! Ah the beginning is fun isn't it? Okay, we have fairly similar back stories. Andrew and I were friends way back when and lost touch, then wound up finding each other on facebook and talking when he was in Iraq. We talked for months and then he finally came home and I got to see him when he invited me to the Marine Corps Ball. I knew NOTHING about the military or what to expect. We fell HARD for each other. He refused to admit how we felt, but then when we got to see each other that ball weekend, we knew that this was it and there was no one else for either of us. We would text, call and web chat ALL the time. Then, it sort of became less so. I thought something had changed on his end. I got hurt and confused and worried. But, thankfully, Andrew and I always talk about anything that's bothering or worrying the other person. So, when I asked him what had changed, if he was less interested in me or what happened, he explained that work was just wearing him out lately, and he was just trying to relax after he got back to the barracks. I was his first real girlfriend. I asked if he'd be able to relax while sending me an occasional text or call for 10 minutes or jump online and chat with me while playing a video game or anything. I explained what I'd been thinking was going on and he immediately felt horrible for making me think he wasn't wanting me as much. He was adjusting to having a girlfriend, just as I was adjusting to the military.

    I guess my point is, just talk openly, and try not to worry too much or jump to conclusions. Tell how you're feeling, let him tell you what's going on. Figure out what would make you both happier with the situation. And this will be an ongoing thing as stuff with his work, your work, your school, whatever else keeps changing.

    Andrew and I have been together almost 3 years. Married for almost a year and half. He was in the Corps. Now, he's in the Army. It's a normal relationship thing; civilian or military, this happens. Just talk to each other
  7. Certified G
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    #7
    Oh man, I literally just felt this way last week. Aunt Flo was about to show up, so I was highly anxious just because, but it was essentially the same thing.

    We met on OkCupid. Hung out. He fell incredibly hard and fast for me. It took me awhile, but we hung out a ton for the first two months. Then pre-deployment training reared its ugly head and threw me for a loop. Its my first military relationship. The texting also slowed to once a day. It was never much to begin with, but it definitely slowed. Its been this way since the beginning of May when training got really hectic. It takes time to get used to.

    I asked him last week after no contact for three days if I'd done or said anything wrong. He said he's just been incredibly busy from morning to night. When we're physically together on the weekends, its absolute bliss. The same super affectionate, loving man.

    It really is just something you have to get used to. It'll happen. The best advice like PP's have stated is to communicate. Worrying only makes you imagine the worst. Best to talk it out.
    Last edited by KateElizabeth; 06-25-2012 at 06:08 PM. Reason: Forgot to add something previously

  8. Libertarian by Nature - Your_Anz
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Hottie. View Post
    First off, to MSOS... why don't you drop by the newbie section and introduce yourself. We want to get to know you.


    As far as your relationship situation, how old are you both if you don't mind me asking? Since you say this is his first relationship he might be feeling scared at the onslaught of emotions. He maybe distancing himself because he misses you and doesn't know how to deal with those emotions.

    I'd give him time. Tell him you are here for him whenever he needs to talk and that you'd love if he confided in you, whenever he is ready.
    well put!
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    #9

    Help

    My boyfriend and I have only been dating for a couple months, but we've been talking for quite some time now. We both wanted the same things and he made me feel like nobody ever has. I'm genuinely in love with him. I went to visit him in February, and it was amazing. After I came back home, he started acting really distant and insensitive toward me. I ask him what's wrong and he says he's fine and just tired but I feel him drifting away from me and i can't help but think it's my fault. He said I'm getting too clingy, but I feel we barely talk anymore. All we've been doing is fighting because he doesn't talk to me, and he blames me for all of it. My anxiety hits me hard when this happens and he just doesn't see that he's being insensitive at all. He tells me I'm pushing him away, but I don't see how. Did anybody else experience this and how is that relationship now?
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    #10
    Tell him how you feel. Guys aren't as good at predicting that someone is upset as girls are until they really get to know that person. I used to have to blatantly tell DF that I was upset and what was upsetting me or he would think I was totally fine. Now I can't hide things like that from him even when I try.
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