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Thread: Don't know what to do.. *long*

  1. "For those I love, I will sacrifice."
    redhairedfury's Avatar
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    "For those I love, I will sacrifice."
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    #1

    Help Don't know what to do.. *long*

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    I don't know what to do. Here's the sitch. I was going to post this in Dear SOS but decided my identity doesn't matter.

    I recently moved in with DB, little over a month ago. I was planning on going back home to Oregon in a couple weeks, but I can't afford it. More on that later. Prior to me coming out here, he quit this construction job he had. After that, he was granted disability from the Army. It's not a lot, but it's enough to be a little excess fluff money. So in that two months, he has been doing... nothing.

    I got a transfer for my job here, so I started work in 2 weeks once I got here. I've been buying groceries and anything else we need. I had a savings emergency fund to buy my plane ticket back. That ended up being spent for rent. There have been multiple weeks where he hasn't done shit to look for a job. I drug him out to this job offering down the road, got him all dressed up. Typed him up a resume and cover letter. I've also been applying for him for jobs.

    Also, because he has this big dream of being an engineer, I have been getting him into the college here. Working on all the paper work and stuff now.

    I'm literally trying to make him grow up before I leave. I want him to be ok while I'm gone. I want him to get a job and go to school and be an adult. I can't mommy him anymore. I'm hoping that my next paycheck will have enough money for my plane ticket and some last minute groceries for him. I've done what I can but I don't know anymore.

    Baby I'm right here
    and I ain't goin' anywhere.
    Love's too tough
    won't give up
    no, not on us
    Baby love don't run.
  2. Account Closed
    Jessym's Avatar
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    #2
    Why are you doing all this for him? He needs to grow up.
  3. Libertarian by Nature - Your_Anz
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    #3
    First...

    Second... You shouldn't have to do any of this stuff... set your limits, do what you need to do for you! He either needs to want to do better or lose you.
  4. I'm sorry for the things I said when I was hungry.
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    I'm sorry for the things I said when I was hungry.
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    #4
    if you want him to grow up stop doing things for him. the more you help by doing things for him, you enable him and the less he'll do.

    sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to make a change.




  5. Account Closed
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Whitla View Post
    if you want him to grow up stop doing things for him. the more you help by doing things for him, you enable him and the less he'll do.

    sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to make a change.
    , OP.
  6. BingBangBoom that's how babies are made
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    #6
    Stop taking care of his responsibilities. He is a grown man. You say you want him to be an adult? He IS an adult. Cut the cord already. He is your spouse, not your child. All he's going to do is bleed you dry of YOUR money if you keep allowing it.

    "Thank you so much. No matter what, nothing is possible without you behind the scenes bustin heads and takin names. Thank you again. Everything you have done for me means a lot and nothing has gone unnoticed. I love you so much and thank you for saying 'I do.'"
  7. Justice Beaver: The Crime Fighting Beaver
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    #7
    It sounds like you've turned into his mother. You can't make him change and you shouldn't have to. My advice is that you focus on yourself and what you need. I'm sorry things aren't working out the way you thought/hoped they would.

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    #8
    You are doing way more than most women would. You said he was getting disability, can I ask what for? Is there a possibility he has some depression issues or could benefit from a councilor?

    I hope everything gets straightened out.
  9. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Whitla View Post
    if you want him to grow up stop doing things for him. the more you help by doing things for him, you enable him and the less he'll do.

    sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to make a change.
    - you want him to grow up, but everything you are doing is doing exactly the opposite. At the end of the day, you are going to become frustrated/resentful and so is he.
  10. "For those I love, I will sacrifice."
    redhairedfury's Avatar
    redhairedfury is offline
    "For those I love, I will sacrifice."
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    #10
    Thanks all. I'm going home soon either way. Also MightyMouse, it's not mental, his leg is messed up.

    Baby I'm right here
    and I ain't goin' anywhere.
    Love's too tough
    won't give up
    no, not on us
    Baby love don't run.
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