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Thread: Am I overreacting? *long*

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    #1

    Confused Am I overreacting? *long*

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    Not really sure how to write this without confusing everyone but Ill give it a try. To start my mother lives 6 hours away but we are extremely close as in talk every day close.
    Me and my now Husband decided to do a quick simple wedding due to deployment rapidly approaching and do a big ceremony when he returned. My mom was FULLY aware of what we were planning to do. We decided to get married on the beach with only a few people there such as my grandparents, best friend and his cousin. I told my mom about every aspect and even asked her opinions on my dress, my hair, where to have it, what color..everything and she was very excited for me. I assumed(which i guess i shouldnt have) that since she was so far away and it was such short notice that she wouldnt be able to make it. Plus she new we were doing a big ceremony later which she would be apart of. Well everything was great up until the wedding day. I had texted her in the morning as I was getting my hair done about how excited I was. Didnt hear anything back. Later that day I let her know I had sent her pictures. She texted me saying "got'em..very nice. thanks". Are you serious!!! . Thats all your going to say??! I texted her back asking if she was ok. And once again no response. I started crying..on my wedding day..because of how hurt I was. I eventually called her when i got the chance and no answer. Nothing from her the rest of the day.
    She emails me the next day asking me how my day was. And as nice as i could i told her how badly she hurt me. She then responded saying how left out she left and i had hurt her feelings and she was so upset all day that she couldnt talk and saying how i didnt even invite her and she could have made the wedding. If she knew she could make it then why didnt you say anything!!! You wait until my wedding day to pull this crap. I understand you wanted to be there but its not about you. It was MY day. Of course I wanted her there. And if she could have made it then she should have said something and come. Not once did she mention it. Right now we are not speaking because i am still very hurt over this and I dont know if im blowing it outof proportion. Any thoughts?
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    #2
    I can see how your mom would be hurt. She wasn't invited...she was probably thinking you would invite her and didn't want to seem pushy by inviting herself.
    She thanked you for the pictures even though she was very upset...I can understand why she didn't answer the phone when you called...she was probably trying to keep your day happy and would have been very emotional on the phone.
    The next day she made the effort to email you and see how everything was and you told her that she hurt you, so she was explaining that she was also hurt.

    IMO, you should go to your mom and apologize for assuming that she wouldn't be able to make it and for hurting her. I'm sure (by her actions in contacting you) that she didn't mean to hurt you, but was just very hurt herself.
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    #3
    I think if she knew everything that was going on and was aware (it wasn't a secret) but was unable to make it than it was childish of her to act the way she did and I would be hurt too. If you told her all about it and just didn't even invite her ya I get how she would be a little pissy about it. Either way though she is the mother I get being down you can't make it but being bratty about it wasn't the answer. Sorry OP.
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by chickadeebaby View Post
    IMO, you should go to your mom and apologize for assuming that she wouldn't be able to make it and for hurting her. I'm sure (by her actions in contacting you) that she didn't mean to hurt you, but was just very hurt herself.
    I have to agree with this. She may have been so hurt that she just had to take a step back ... maybe she didn't want to argue with you on your wedding day, or she was worried she might have said something she couldn't take back.

    I do understand why she was hurt, it means a lot to people to be invited and to know they're wanted even if they can't come. But I understand your assumption ... I just think it was a miscommunication.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Tojai View Post
    I have to agree with this. She may have been so hurt that she just had to take a step back ... maybe she didn't want to argue with you on your wedding day, or she was worried she might have said something she couldn't take back.

    I do understand why she was hurt, it means a lot to people to be invited and to know they're wanted even if they can't come. But I understand your assumption ... I just think it was a miscommunication.
    I agree with this.

    We had a small ceremony a few months before the big one and had I not invited my mom, she'd have been so very hurt.

    Call your mom and talk to her.



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    #6
    I understand my mom was upset. But why wait till my wedding day to show that she was upset. Why not say something before?
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by SeaBeeGf1891 View Post
    I understand my mom was upset. But why wait till my wedding day to show that she was upset. Why not say something before?
    It doesn't sound like she was invited. I wouldn't want to invite myself or impose if I wasn't invited ya know?
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by SeaBeeGf1891 View Post
    I understand my mom was upset. But why wait till my wedding day to show that she was upset. Why not say something before?
    Maybe because it hit her hard that she wasn't going to be there for her daughter's wedding?

    It would kill me to not see my kids get married. Especially if I wasn't directly invited. I'm their mother, I should be invited even if I couldn't be there.



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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by SeaBeeGf1891 View Post
    I understand my mom was upset. But why wait till my wedding day to show that she was upset. Why not say something before?
    Well if you are close to your mom and didn't invite her it probably should have crossed your mind she would have been hurt. She was probably hoping you would invite her and when it came to wedding day and you still hadn't she was probably pretty hurt.
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    #10
    With her being so far away and my wedding day being in the middle of the week with such short notice I didnt thing shed be able to come. Around the end of each month they get very busy at her job and she always says she cant get away. I guess i shouldnt have assumed.
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