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Thread: I think I might be losing him. *long*

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    Sad I think I might be losing him. *long*

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    Up until now, me and DB have had a pretty amazing relationship. I feel like we've come really close in the past few months and I thought we hit a solid spot in our relationship. I don't know anymore though.

    Tonight, I asked DB a simple question. I asked him why he started dating me because I was genuinely curious. Not a crazy question. His answer was that he likes being in my company. That wasn't exactly the answer I was expecting and it brought up a long conversation and DB expressed a lot of concerns he has.

    He said that a big concern for him is that he's falling for the first girl he dates. I'm one of DB's first relationships and his first as an adult. He's only had sex with one other person and he says this concerns him. I don't know how to word this without making him sound like an asshole because he felt really bad saying it but he wonders what it's like to date other people.

    He says that he's really happy with me and he's never considered leaving me but he does worry about it. I just don't know what to say. I have totally fallen for him and there's nothing much he can say that would make me leave him which worries him even more because he knows he's gonna be the one to have to hurt me if we end up breaking up.

    This is just the tip of the iceberg that was our conversation but this scares the crap out of me. I was crying and I just don't know what to do. I understand not knowing what you want but what am I supposed to do? Leave him and let him find out what makes him happy? Stick it out and potentially get my heart ripped apart yet again? I feel so helpless

    eta: I think I just need to step away from this thread so if anyone wants to add anything more, can you PM me? I won't be adding anything more but thank you to everyone who gave me genuine advice and support. I really appreciate it
    Last edited by Jessym; 06-21-2012 at 03:05 PM.
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    #2
    Just see what happens. I've only dated two guys ever in life before DH, I wonder what it would be like to date other people too but that doesnt mean I'm gonna leave him so I can find out.

    It would be dumb to end a relationship you're happy in currently because one day you might break up. Who knows, maybe you'll be the one to end things with him. You have no idea what the future holds, you don't really *know* that he'll be the one to leave, or even if he will in general.
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    Quote Originally Posted by january View Post
    Just see what happens. I've only dated two guys ever in life before DH, I wonder what it would be like to date other people too but that doesnt mean I'm gonna leave him so I can find out.

    It would be dumb to end a relationship you're happy in currently because one day you might break up. Who knows, maybe you'll be the one to end things with him. You have no idea what the future holds, you don't really *know* that he'll be the one to leave, or even if he will in general.
    OK. thanks. Maybe I should put that I have no plans to leave him. I don't want to. I just put that out there as a last resort.
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    #4
    I'm with january on this one.
    There are no guarantees in relationships, you never know what might happen in the future.

    To me it sounds like your DB really wants to be / stay with you and is just wondering what if, if you know what I mean. DB and I had a similar talk. He is quite a few years older than me (not creepy older ) and he was concerned I might not be ready yet to give up the dating world for him. Or that a few years from now I might regret it and feel like I missed out on stuff cause of him.

    I think it's good you two talked about it and that your DB was honest even if he was anxious to bring it up and hurt your feelings. It's a difficult situation but openly talking about it is a good first step.
    PCS time is getting closer. Let our Europe adventures begin!
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    #5
    Personally I don't see how you to claim to have an amazing relationship when you've said you've broke up like twice already in 5 months but that's just my opinion. Second I think you're taking what he said way too far out of context... like Pluto far. He didn't say he wants to date some else he said he wonders. Which is natural IMO.

    Again.. Just my opinion.


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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Miriah View Post
    Personally I don't see how you to claim to have an amazing relationship when you've said you've broke up like twice already in 5 months but that's just my opinion. Second I think you're taking what he said way too far out of context... like Pluto far. He didn't say he wants to date some else he said he wonders. Which is natural IMO.

    Again.. Just my opinion.
    I completely agree!
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Miriah View Post
    Personally I don't see how you to claim to have an amazing relationship when you've said you've broke up like twice already in 5 months but that's just my opinion. Second I think you're taking what he said way too far out of context... like Pluto far. He didn't say he wants to date some else he said he wonders. Which is natural IMO.

    Again.. Just my opinion.
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    #8
    Can I ask what it is about this relationship and this man that is so amazing? Are you 100% sure you are in love with him and happy with this relationship, and not just happy to be in any relationship?

    Because based on what you posted, it seems like a whole lot of drama and problems, and not so much a healthy, stable relationship.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #9
    I don't get how him being able to be open and honest with you only to have you take it too far and cry about it shows that you hit a solid patch. Did you stop and think that shutting down his attempt to put all of his cards on the table was probably kind of detrimental? So what if he says he'd had few relationships? He also said he wasn't leaving you which you glossed over. If you were relationship number 12 it would probably also be a problem, you can't decide where you fall in his life. You're a few months in, it's supposed to still be fun for both of you, just let it ride out.

    You're trying to grab control of the entire destiny of this relationship and that's not your job, it's your job to listen to him and not just the parts that stick out because of your insecurity.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Jazmine View Post
    I don't get how him being able to be open and honest with you only to have you take it too far and cry about it shows that you hit a solid patch. Did you stop and think that shutting down his attempt to put all of his cards on the table was probably kind of detrimental? So what if he says he'd had few relationships? He also said he wasn't leaving you which you glossed over. If you were relationship number 12 it would probably also be a problem, you can't decide where you fall in his life. You're a few months in, it's supposed to still be fun for both of you, just let it ride out.

    You're trying to grab control of the entire destiny of this relationship and that's not your job, it's your job to listen to him and not just the parts that stick out because of your insecurity.
    Perfectly said.
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