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Thread: Advice on soon-to-be in-laws

  1. Supporting my husband/hero
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    #1

    Advice on soon-to-be in-laws

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    Okay, so this is kind of complicated, so bear with me. I've known DF's family for awhile but not close and we got along great when we first started dating. A few months into the deployment they started acting really possessive and saying snide comments to me. I tend to overthink and I always have a need for people to like me so I brushed them off. I didn't want to stress him out since we were still early on in our relationship and he was in a war zone. He eventually was upset that I never shared these issues with him and we moved past it, but that's another story.

    Anyway, his family is very close and I love them for that. They came down close to where I live for R&R so that they could spend time with DF while he was home. Since he proposed on R&R and we knew we only had each other for 15 days we couldn't be away from each other AT ALL. I (not him) got a LOT of grief and lectures about us needing our own lives and me having to "share" him with everyone. He wore a cute Boston hat to support my and my family's Celtics in the playoffs. That caused ALL kinds of drama that he liked MY team.... ugh, it's just been one thing after another. If I post something about my soldier or best friend or fiance on facebook i'm told that i'm "rubbing it in their faces". I'm just newly engaged and excited! I don't understand why they're not happy. He comes from a split/blended family so I would think they'd be used to "sharing" him with other people. Ryan has made comments to them and defended me but they purposely don't say anything in front of him.

    Did anyone else experience this? Any advice on how to deal? I partly feel as though it'll change once his younger siblings have families of their own as well, but they're just so abnormally jealous of me. I'm so scared every vacation or activity with my family or just the two of us is going to cause drama and jealousy. So frustrated...
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    #2
    First off, block them from seeing your statuses and posts on fb.

    Secondly,
    I'm sorry they are acting posessive. Is it his parents too or just his younger siblings?

    Third, try your best to shrug them off until he can confront them. He needs to be the one to tell them to back off. Coming from you will only make matters worse.


    But I still want to strongly urge you to block all of his family from seeing your statuses and any pictures or ANYTHING you post concerning you and your DF. That will help stop a ton of unwanted drama before it even starts.
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    #3
    I had a similar issue before, when I was married to my ex, only it was my family that was causing the drama. If he is the oldest, and his family is really tight knit, it can be really hard and difficult for families to "lose" him so to speak, to someone else.

    I hate to say it, but it's really an issue that he needs to deal with with his family. He needs to step up and have the conversation with them. He's making his own family now, and while they will always be a part of his life, he needs to make his future wife his priority and they have to understand that. Still, I think the message will be better received coming from him than from you.
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Hottie. View Post
    First off, block them from seeing your statuses and posts on fb.

    Secondly,
    I'm sorry they are acting posessive. Is it his parents too or just his younger siblings?

    Third, try your best to shrug them off until he can confront them. He needs to be the one to tell them to back off. Coming from you will only make matters worse.


    But I still want to strongly urge you to block all of his family from seeing your statuses and any pictures or ANYTHING you post concerning you and your DF. That will help stop a ton of unwanted drama before it even starts.
    Agreed! Definitely edit what they can and can't see. You're newly engaged! You have every right to be beyond ecstatic.

    He definitely needs to be the one to say something, but just know, and I'm not trying to scare you, if it doesn't get resolved early on and by him, it will blow up later. ExDB's family had tons of issues with me, and he never stood up for me. It ultimately tore us apart. It doesn't sound like that's the case with your DF. Some families have a harder time sharing or getting used to the fact that their sons/brothers/grandkids are starting a life of their own.

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    I'm sorry, I've not been in that situation. I hope you all can find a good middle ground.
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    #6
    His parents are in their 40's, so young for dealing with this, but old enough to know better. He is the oldest and first to get married and all of that so i'm hoping it's part of it. He is talking to his stepmom as I write this because of a conversation we had today. I'm not concerned about him sticking up for me (which is an issue i've had with exes) so that takes a huge load off. I think you guys are right and I will just be coming in between them even more if I say too much. I just have a feeling that everything will get turned back around on me somehow. Ugh, i've always hated drama and I definitely don't like confrontations.... I just hope they get over it. Don't you guys think that blocking them from things on facebook will cause drama though?
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    #7
    they won't know they are blocked.. you can just block them from seeing your posts/updates and such, not from them seeing your profile

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    #8
    I really really second the part about blocking them from FB. I haven't said A SINGLE THING about DF being gone since he left because his mom is the type to comment on everything I say about how I get more contact than her. I made the mistake of telling her on the phone about sending a care package of things that DF had asked for and she got pretty upset about how She was his mom and she was supposed to send him stuff that he asks for, not me. Luckily, she's not mean towards me, just possessive of her boy. And DF is not afraid to put his foot down when she's being overbearing.
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    #9
    Block. Block. Block.
    Congrats too!
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by rocket_lizz View Post
    I really really second the part about blocking them from FB. I haven't said A SINGLE THING about DF being gone since he left because his mom is the type to comment on everything I say about how I get more contact than her. I made the mistake of telling her on the phone about sending a care package of things that DF had asked for and she got pretty upset about how She was his mom and she was supposed to send him stuff that he asks for, not me. Luckily, she's not mean towards me, just possessive of her boy. And DF is not afraid to put his foot down when she's being overbearing.
    Yeah, that sounds about right. Most of the stuff is just possessive rather than hateful. For instance yesterday his stepmom said that I was throwing it in their face by being excited...oh well. DF talked to her yesterday about everything so maybe we're on the path to some form of resolution...at least at the starting point. I'm definitely going to keep them from seeing my stuff on facebook to see if that helps too.

    Quote Originally Posted by amandabcdefg View Post
    they won't know they are blocked.. you can just block them from seeing your posts/updates and such, not from them seeing your profile
    Okay, I got it. That's probably a really good idea. I'll try that and see if it fixes some of the problems. Thanks!
    We survived Deployment #1...Like a BOSS!!!!!
    I'm a blogger: http://melimelarmystrong.wordpress.com/





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