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Thread: Trying not to be paranoid about bf's online dating profile still being up

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    #1

    Trying not to be paranoid about bf's online dating profile still being up

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    Hey!
    I've made a couple of posts and want to preface this with the fact that when I worry a little, getting slightly anxious about my boyfriend being overseas, then I start woryring about things that don't really make sense to begin with. I think he's really incredible.

    Well, we met on an online dating site 10 months ago. About a month before we met in person, we'd had a fight about something and so I deleted my online dating account, deciding that online dating was no longer for me, period. Then we made up and met and started dating but I realized I'd deleted our first messages to each other and now don't know when we first started talking. When he was home, we talked about it and he said he still had his profile up because he wanted to have those messages. He said he doesn't have time while he's deployed to copy and paste them so he can keep them but he'll delete it when he gets the chance to do that.

    I don't check up on him or anything on that site and know he wouldn't cheat on me because he hates people who cheat (he's been cheated on before) and knows that I would break up with him if he did (and vice versa). However some of my friends have recently said, "Really? I bet he's looking around." They don't know us so don't know anything, anyway, but it makes me slightly insecure. I'm pretty naive, I realize, but I want to trust him and want to learn to trust people more instead of being suspicious, like my friends are.

    What do you think?
  2. Do or do not... There is no try.~ Yoda, Jedi Master
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    #2
    Ask him.
    I'm not Lynn, but we ARE MSOS Best Friends and MSOS Twins.
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    #3
    Yeah, I don't want to come off as the "suspicious girlfriend", however. He told me that it was up just for that reason, so idk if I should bring it back up again. I want to just trust him, but it's hard for me to trust people in general. That's my problem, really. I want to try and harness that so it doesn't affect our relationship too much.
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    #4
    I would ask him, BUT I personally don't like the idea of his having his profile up. The temptation is too much and I would be going crazy checking all the time to see if he was online the last few days or not. I would ask him to save the messages on his email and that's it. If he doesn't have the time, you can do it for him.
  5. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #5
    I agree, ask him.

    I kept my dating profile on OKCupid up for months and months after I committed to DH. I hardly ever got on, my logic was that A) I liked seeing what my IRL friends were up to B) that profile had the first messages we ever sent each other and C) the little quizzes are fun to take.

    One day DH came to me asking me why I still had it, telling me how he closed his right away and that he was hurt. It honestly never even crossed my mind that he could be hurt by it. It didn't make me angry or make me think he was suspicious. I just had no idea it mattered to him. After he told me how he felt, I closed it, and life went on, it was no big deal.

    I think as long as you are calm and not accusatory, he shouldn't have a reason to be upset.
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    #6
    Well I'm not sure if I could do it for him. Idk if he would let me log on to his and copy and paste the messages. Since we can only really talk through email or gmail chat or whatever right now, it's hard to ask it in any certain way that wouldn't maybe make him think that I'm being suspicious.
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    #7
    Please feel free to let me know what you think. Thanks!
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    #8
    you've mentioned that your friends are saying that he's looking around, but what DO YOU THINK? Also, you can talk to him about this without sounding like you are suspicious. Like Tojai said, if you are honest to him and explain that it bothers you and you are feeling unease with the fact that his profile is still up, there's no reason for him to be upset.
  9. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #9
    I would have been upset if DH said he thought I was looking around or something. But he just said it made him feel uncomfortable, and he was hurt because he had closed his but mine was still there. So I would probably leave out the part about what your friends are saying, it sounds like it has no bearing on the situation.
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    #10
    Hello!
    Yeah, I just gave in and checked it (by googling his screen name, I could look him up on there) and he was on today, I guess. Yeah, it just makes me sad, I think, since it still says he's single. I'm not sure how to talk about it, though.
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