Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 11

Thread: In an uncertain place

  1. MilitarySOS Jewel
    AshleyO's Avatar
    AshleyO is offline
    MilitarySOS Jewel
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    5,727
    #1

    In an uncertain place

    Advertisements
    About a month ago, Matthew and I broke up. He said he wanted to be with someone who shared his religion. I didn't hear from him for a month and then he started texting me. He basically said he missed me, he thinks he made the biggest mistake of his life, but he isn't sure. He is confused and blah blah blah. We had a great conversation about some issues I was having in our relationship. We were very open and honest and it felt wonderful.

    Since then (this was Sunday) I've been waiting for me to talk about his issues. He said he needs some time to think and he needs to talk about some things. I get the need some time to think, but he has yet to start talking about anything. He sent me a text telling me the sorts of things he was thinking about, but it wasn't an open for discussion type thing (if that makes sense). Meanwhile he is texting me as if everything is perfectly normal. He keeps telling me his misses me, asks me how I'm doing, but isn't talking about about any of the "important stuffs". He just asked me for a picture because he wants to see him.

    As much as I enjoy speaking with him, I don't really like being in this place. I don't appreciate him acting like things are fine while he takes his time in working out his feelings. I keep trying not to get my hopes up or expect anything, but he is making it hard by saying all the right things that I've been missing so much. I understand that he has a lot on his mind and needs time to work through it, that isn't a problem. I just feel like he is sending mixed signals.

    So my question is, how do I go from here? Should I say something to him about it? Should I just get over it? I'm afraid of doing something that will mess up the progress we've made, but I'm also afraid of getting my hopes up and then crushed if he decides we can't be together.

    Sorry for the novel.

    I Eelizah
  2. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
    Tojai's Avatar
    Tojai is offline
    Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    St. Pete FL
    Posts
    30,026


    #2
    I don't think you should just get over it. Having a serious conversation would be important to me too.

    For me I would really want him to explain why the difference in religion suddenly doesn't matter anymore. It's not fair to either of you to re-build your connection, get invested in each other again, etc. if there is a fundamental incompatibility there.
  3. Regular Member
    Jillybean88's Avatar
    Jillybean88 is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    16,550
    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Tojai View Post
    I don't think you should just get over it. Having a serious conversation would be important to me too.

    For me I would really want him to explain why the difference in religion suddenly doesn't matter anymore. It's not fair to either of you to re-build your connection, get invested in each other again, etc. if there is a fundamental incompatibility there.
    This. I would feel the same way. Nothing is worse than that feeling of disappointment if it doesn't work out after he talks to you like things are normal and going to be fine.
  4. Senior Member
    BlueJay's Avatar
    BlueJay is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    1,165
    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Tojai View Post
    I don't think you should just get over it. Having a serious conversation would be important to me too.

    For me I would really want him to explain why the difference in religion suddenly doesn't matter anymore. It's not fair to either of you to re-build your connection, get invested in each other again, etc. if there is a fundamental incompatibility there.
    This. If the religion was a deal breaker it should still be a deal breaker. I woudl be worried he misses you but then you would get back together and it still be an issue that makes staying together not possible.

    I also am not a fan of waiting around for a man to decide what he wants. I think I would keep my distance for quite some time to let him decide and I woudl continue living my life.
  5. Finally a Pharmacist and Wife to a Civilian!!
    blondiebabe's Avatar
    blondiebabe is offline
    Finally a Pharmacist and Wife to a Civilian!!
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    TOGETHER in NC!!!!!!
    Posts
    4,967
    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Tojai View Post
    I don't think you should just get over it. Having a serious conversation would be important to me too.

    For me I would really want him to explain why the difference in religion suddenly doesn't matter anymore. It's not fair to either of you to re-build your connection, get invested in each other again, etc. if there is a fundamental incompatibility there.
    Great advice! Everything that I was thinking worded much more concise than anything I could come up with.

    It this case, communication is absolutely KEY.
    There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful
    as expectation of something better tomorrow.


    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
    Tigger_pink is my MSOS wifey JoJoBannana is my twin
  6. Senior Member
    villanelle's Avatar
    villanelle is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    14,790
    #6
    I'd say something. I'd tell him that I wasn't going to continue on in limbo while he took his sweet time. And that would be that.

    If I guy is so uncertain about you, why would you want to be with him (no matter his reasoning)? Don't you want someone who just can not imagine his future without you in it? Because right now, he's deciding if you'll do. And you deserve someone who feels a lot more for you than just "I guess I can live with the things that are wrong with her". You deserve someone who will wade through rivers of hell to be with you, imperfections and all.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
  7. Dancing Backwards in High Heels
    HisJuliet's Avatar
    HisJuliet is offline
    Dancing Backwards in High Heels
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Together Again!
    Posts
    9,078
    #7
    I agree I would want an explanation. Sometimes its just as hard for them to let go as it is for you & I, so I hope its not a stringing you along sort of deal.

    Good luck!
  8. MilitarySOS Jewel
    AshleyO's Avatar
    AshleyO is offline
    MilitarySOS Jewel
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    5,727
    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Tojai View Post
    I don't think you should just get over it. Having a serious conversation would be important to me too.

    For me I would really want him to explain why the difference in religion suddenly doesn't matter anymore. It's not fair to either of you to re-build your connection, get invested in each other again, etc. if there is a fundamental incompatibility there.
    I want to have serious conversation with him about it, but I don't know how to bring it up. I've tried before and he kind of dances around the issue. I don't want to be too pushy, but I also don't want to continue how we are.

    Quote Originally Posted by BlueJay View Post
    This. If the religion was a deal breaker it should still be a deal breaker. I woudl be worried he misses you but then you would get back together and it still be an issue that makes staying together not possible.

    I also am not a fan of waiting around for a man to decide what he wants. I think I would keep my distance for quite some time to let him decide and I woudl continue living my life.
    I totally agree with you here, but I don't know that distance is the best thing. He is the type of person that has to be pushed to talk about anything. I'm afraid that if I just back off he won't feel the need to explain himself. Even if we don't get back together, I still need to hear what his thoughts are. When he broke up with me he just gave me his reason and that was that. There was no talking or explaining. I didn't get any closure from it and I couldn't move on.

    I Eelizah
  9. Senior Member
    mlc311's Avatar
    mlc311 is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Me: Maryland, Him: Kansas
    Posts
    2,001
    #9
    Oh I'm sorry!!! I'm sorry this has been such a tricky time for you.

    I sounds like you do need to have a talk. Not only because you deserve answers, but also because it sounds like you'll have trouble moving on without them (and I don't blame you). I think there is going to come a time when you put your foot down because you just can't take it anymore, so I would try to be more firm (and yes, maybe a little pushy) with him but so BOTH of you can move forward, together or not.

    You know what is best for you, and sometimes "forcing" a talk on someone is just going to make them clam up even more. But if he misses you, he should still respect you, and you should tell him what you need.

    Good luck!!!
  10. Senior Member
    rayzgirl's Avatar
    rayzgirl is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Me: Colorado
    Posts
    552
    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by BlueJay View Post
    This. If the religion was a deal breaker it should still be a deal breaker. I woudl be worried he misses you but then you would get back together and it still be an issue that makes staying together not possible.

    I also am not a fan of waiting around for a man to decide what he wants. I think I would keep my distance for quite some time to let him decide and I woudl continue living my life.
    I'm also with this person. I'll admit, I was the person who broke off a relationship because of religious beliefs. Ironically, I really wanted him back again later but, thankfully, he didn't agree and I recognize that that was for the best now. If it was a reason for him to break off the relationship before then I would be really careful about getting involved again because you don't want him to end up just deciding all over again that he can't make it work.
    "...so have I chosen, both the sweet and the bitter."
    -tolkien-
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •