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Thread: How do I go about this?

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    WaitingForHim28's Avatar
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    #1

    How do I go about this?

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    Hubs and I are beginning to hit a rough patch. I talk to him when he goes to work which is late where I am. Then when I'm waking up. Which he will call and call and call till I wake up and then I'm so madni don't even wanna talk. And he constantly wanted me to email him. Well he lost it on me last night because I told him good night before he went to work and let him know that I would be going to bed once I got home. He got TICKED off because I went to my best friends house (which I hadn't seen her in over a month) well he is acting like I need to tell him my every move lately. It's bothering me like really bad and it's making me want to avoid him for it because I'm not a girl that does that. I don't get this...how do I address this...any advice would be great?
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    #2
    How long have you been married? Is he deployed?
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    #3
    Coming up on 6 months now and yes he is.
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    #4
    You two need to discuss expectations of one another during this deployment.

    Perhaps have a schedule of when you'll talk, i.e. once every 2-3 days.

    Maybe he's feeling left out. Would you be open to shooting him an email on what your plans are for the day? That would be a good time to include when a good time for him to call would be. Not to have him, "know every move" but to keep in touch with one another. He might be feeling like he's missing out on sharing your life and doesn't know how to approach it in the best way.

    I don't think its good for him to be calling you until you are mad and waking up, thats not fair to you. Definitely find out what he wants your communication to be like and then figure out how both of you can compromise and come up with a schedule which works for both of you.
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    #5
    I think he means well and just misses you and wants to talk to you. However, I've made the mistake of calling or texting DF one too many times when he needs his sleep, and he's brought it up to me in a not-so-happy way, which only made it worse. You need to communicate to him the boundaries while still showing him that you want to talk with him. While it's not okay for him to be waking you up when you need your sleep, it's also important for you to acknowledge his need for communication and work out some rules for the both of you.

    While he shouldn't have control over everything you do, I can see why he would have been upset if you told him you were going to bed and you did something else. The top two most important things in a relationship to me are trust and communication. It sounds to me like he just wants to strengthen both I think it's time for a talk!

    Hope we helped, hang in there!
    Absence is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great.
    - Roger de Bussy-Rabutin



    "You mean every little bitty thing, and every super huge thing to me."

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