Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: hurt and confused

  1. Fresh Newbie
    gracehart's Avatar
    gracehart is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    NAS PAX
    Posts
    1
    #1

    hurt and confused

    Advertisements
    I have been married to my husband for almost 3yrs now. A few weeks ago we finally got back on shore duty and moved back to our home state near family. While he was on sea duty we never really saw each other. He was deployed twice and then was put on night shift where they work from 3 in the afternoon to about 4 in the morning most times(if not later). I was very alone with no family and very few friends like 1. I was so excited to be coming home and be around my family and friends again. And for the first time in 3 years Iwas going to have time with my husband. We moved into our new place and the first thing he did was set up his "man cave" and our bed. I set up the rest of the house almost by myself. My mom was the only person to help me. He now sits in that man cave and plays video game all the time. If he does not have to go to work the next day he will stay up till 2-3 in the morning playing video games. If I talk to him I just get grunts and annoyed noised like I am bugging him. I make dinner and he will eat with me and then run back into his cave before I am even done. The other day I asked if he planned on spending anytime with me that day and he just gurnted so I said fine I am going to my mothers I will not be back tonight. He just said fine. I told him the next day mom wa making dinner if he wantedto come. He texted back no he need to save gas for for the next week. Okay fine. I get home to find him gone. He had gone to his parents that just happens to be 40 miles more away from my moms. Now I don't mind that he went I just mind that he lied to me. Which he has been doing alot more of lately. I just don't know what to do anymore. It is to the point of where I am ready to leave and just pack my stuff and get out of here. i have tried to talk to him but I get nothing. I am so hurt that I gave up everything for him and I can't even get 5 minutes of his time. Has anybody else gone through something like this. I am all out of ideas and I really need some help.
  2. Senior Member
    spazzieabbie's Avatar
    spazzieabbie is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Raleigh/Durham
    Posts
    988
    #2
    I don't really have anything to say that you haven't already done but if you need somebody to talk to you can PM me and I'll listen and try and help as much as I can
    [CENTER]
  3. Proud mother of a baby boy...and wife of a soldier
    michaelsmom's Avatar
    michaelsmom is offline
    Proud mother of a baby boy...and wife of a soldier
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Georgia
    Posts
    5,822
    Blog Entries
    1
    #3
    My advice would be to talk to him while you are eating dinner, tell him how you feel, and that if he can't be bothered to start spending time with you and at least acknowledge your presence, then you are going to go to stay with your parents (or a friend) until he can. If the behavior continues, then follow through and go stay with your parents or friend until he pulls his head out of his ass and realizes that you aren't just there as a damn maid.


    Im so in love with you hunny. I know I have never felt this powerful of a love before, I have only thought it was possible for those rare lucky few. And now I think we have it. Or are we just now part of the lucky rare few? XOXO Love you hun. -DH 9/8/11
  4. I'm sorry for the things I said when I was hungry.
    Whitla's Avatar
    Whitla is offline
    I'm sorry for the things I said when I was hungry.
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Jacksonville, FL
    Posts
    25,558
    Blog Entries
    2
    #4
    Ask him if he's invested in your marriage still. If he is, make a plan that you both agree to so you can reconnect. Designated date nights and activities to do together, designate a bed time so you can cuddle and get the physical part of your relationship back.

    If he isn't invested then you have to make arrangements to protect yourself and make yourself happy I guess.




  5. Account Closed
    Jessym's Avatar
    Jessym is offline
    Account Closed
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Me: NorCal Him: Oklahoma
    Posts
    27,751
    Blog Entries
    1
    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Whitla View Post
    Ask him if he's invested in your marriage still. If he is, make a plan that you both agree to so you can reconnect. Designated date nights and activities to do together, designate a bed time so you can cuddle and get the physical part of your relationship back.

    If he isn't invested then you have to make arrangements to protect yourself and make yourself happy I guess.
  6. Kas
    This love will never end
    Kas's Avatar
    Kas is offline
    This love will never end
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    282
    #6
    When my ex-husband did this to me the only thing that seemed to work was to sit and play with him. As soon as he got up for a break we would end up talking. Should've seen his face when I asked if I could play. It made him really think. Hope this helps
  7. Old Newbie
    butterfly1025's Avatar
    butterfly1025 is offline
    Old Newbie
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Luke AFB, Arizona
    Posts
    16
    #7

    RE: Hurt and Confused

    Awh, sweetie I'm so sorry you're going through this. I think a lot of us have! I've been married almost 6 yrs and went through it with my DH, too! He wouldn't even come eat- he'd grab his dinner to go in front of that silly XBox! He's actually kinda doing this again, and we only have 6 mos before he leaves for an overseas duty, and I'm pregnant! While I agree with quite a few of the ladies' answers here, I also should ask you to think about some of these things.

    How much does he work in a day? Usually, (and unfortunately sometimes) this happens to be a guy's way of relaxing from work. Especially if they've had a really rough day.

    I know it's not in most women's minds to do this, but have you ever tried to sit and game with him? Not only does it surprise them (and for some reason they think it's schmexy) but it's good bonding. Especially when you kick his butt in his own game It also, sometimes, happens to be fun! You can also make wagers from winners and losers (ie, if I get so many people, you have to come spend x amount of time with me and the kiddos).

    I know communication looks like to be a bit of a bust, but it happens to be one of the many foundations of marriage (and guys just stink at it). Uncomfortable or not, it needs to be done. I think that an attempt at dinner talk would be a grand idea! Or if you happen to hear him come home at 3/4 am get up and ask how his day was and start there. (While getting up at that time stinks, mine happens to be very LOUD coming in the door. He couldn't close it quietly if he really tried- LOL).

    I honestly cannot really say much about the "lying to go to his parents" thing. He may have needed to go after you said you weren't coming back to go vent. You may not realize it, but women are still sooo dependent on mom's (I still call mine once a day and she's far away). He might be feeling a bit insecure that you're running to your parents and he is afraid something is going on, so he went to his to vent and just "get away".

    It honestly just sounds like DH needs video game time to get his mind off work. And that he may be just as upset/frustrated as you, so he goes to his mum and dad's for a little marriage 101. You've been married for 3 years. We sacrifice so much to become the women we are! Worst comes to worst, you could always schedule a chat with a chaplain or marriage counselor (I do not suggest going on base if you can) and if that doesn't work, you need to do what's best for you. Everyone deserves a chance to be happy, and everyone deserves the chance to at least attempt to talk. I will say that every marriage has gone through some similar instances (and some worse).

    I am keeping you in thoughts and sending warm ones your way! Good Luck, dear!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •