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Thread: If we really did come first

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    If we really did come first

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    If we come first they would quit gt a diff job and make it possible to be at home with us I jut don't understand I'm new to this and f this offends I'm sorry I guess njust mad that he says he loves me yet he still wants to join the navy
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    #2
    And if HE came first to you, you would want to support him in what he wants to do in life.

    'Coming first' doesn't always mean spending every waking moment with someone.
    Never do anything halfway unless you want to be half happy.

    Is this a dream? If it is, please don't wake me from this high. I'd become comfortably numb
    until you opened up my eyes to what it's like when everything is right...I can't believe you found me ♥
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Laurabaybee View Post
    If we come first they would quit gt a diff job and make it possible to be at home with us I jut don't understand I'm new to this and f this offends I'm sorry I guess njust mad that he says he loves me yet he still wants to join the navy
    it sounds like you are really upset and struggling, and for that I am sorry and hope that you can work through what your feeling.

    That being said, for a lot of people, esp. in this economy, finding work is becoming more and more difficult and the military, while it has its drawbacks, does provide a great deal of stability and security for someone/a family. I know from your other post that your SO is pretty young and looking into going into the military right after high school. It could be a huge stepping stone for him and give him a great deal of stability not many people that age can get guaranteed for 4 years. The military can give him a good foundation not only for life in general, but teach him a lot of valuable lessons he can take with him if he decides to get out after his first contract and bring to the work force.

    My husband most definitely puts our family first, and part of putting us first is making sure he does what he can to provide for us. Sometimes that means sacrificing time together... its not ideal, but its something that needs to be done.
  4. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #4


    I know you are upset, but a word of advice ... saying "If you really loved me, you would _________" is a path to destruction. That is poison in a relationship. Speaking from experience here.
  5. <3 <3 <3
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    #5
    Big girl panties. Forreal. You have to understand, or you won't ever be able to handle the cruises, etc., it's not that he doesn't love you... it's that he loves you ENOUGH to go off, do something smart with his life, join te miliitary and FINANCIALLY provide a sound life....


    Ohhh yeah, and he's also protecting your freedoms. That too. That's ultimate love, and a selfless act. I'm sorry you're having a hard time though... you just have to see it thru different eyes. Pm me if you need to chat.
  6. The LDR that never ends..
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    #6
    If you really loved him you would support his dreams and aspirations.

    It goes both ways

    DB loves me, yet even though LDR suuuuck sometimes if staying in made him happy and was what he wanted we'd make it work-like we have been doing.
  7. I just can't even...
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by His*PITA* View Post
    it sounds like you are really upset and struggling, and for that I am sorry and hope that you can work through what your feeling.

    That being said, for a lot of people, esp. in this economy, finding work is becoming more and more difficult and the military, while it has its drawbacks, does provide a great deal of stability and security for someone/a family. I know from your other post that your SO is pretty young and looking into going into the military right after high school. It could be a huge stepping stone for him and give him a great deal of stability not many people that age can get guaranteed for 4 years. The military can give him a good foundation not only for life in general, but teach him a lot of valuable lessons he can take with him if he decides to get out after his first contract and bring to the work force.

    My husband most definitely puts our family first, and part of putting us first is making sure he does what he can to provide for us. Sometimes that means sacrificing time together... its not ideal, but its something that needs to be done.



    Also telling him "if you loved me....." is pretty manipulative.

    Try and support his desires if YOU truly LOVE him.

    Good luck.
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    #8
    Wow. 1st I think you need to calm down. I understand you are upset with your SO and probably just venting but I agree with the other ladies saying "If you love me you'll (insert whatever here) is not a productive way to resolve this. It will more than likely backfire.

    My DH is in the Navy and puts our family first. Granted that comes along with some sacrifices. I think there are sacrifices in whatever job he would decide to do. At least he has a job that he loves, that provides for his family and our futures. He also gave me the ability to be a stay at home mom. Granted deployments suck, as do duty days and under-ways. I think the positive things outweigh the negative, but then again I am a very independent person and I dont need my DH here 24/7. I'm a strange one who looks forward to under-ways.
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    #9
    Reading through these posts brings tears to my eyes I have told him I will stand by him what ever he chooses and I will it's not worth throwing in his face if you loved me. I dot want to loose him. If I stop him he will resent me if he joins I'm scared I'm going to loose him I have all these thoughts and I can't process them
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Laurabaybee View Post
    Reading through these posts brings tears to my eyes I have told him I will stand by him what ever he chooses and I will it's not worth throwing in his face if you loved me. I dot want to loose him. If I stop him he will resent me if he joins I'm scared I'm going to loose him I have all these thoughts and I can't process them
    You need to take some really deep breaths... you are stronger then you think and you both still have some time before he can/will do anything.

    I suggest poking around the different areas of the bored and getting a feel for things before getting worked up. Having an SO join the military can be scary, but its not the end of the world.
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