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Thread: Question for all Military wives/girlfreinds/partners

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    #1

    Question for all Military wives/girlfreinds/partners

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    All I hear about being a military girlfriend and soon to be spouse is that the military will always come first. I know this is his job and carreer but just being told that is hard to hear. I was wondering how others accept this and knowing that I will always come second, how do you deal with this and still be a supportive spouse. I am having a hard time with this here lately so any advice or what you do would be greatly appreciated! =)
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    #2
    It is not that we come second in all things-

    DH puts our marriage and me first as much as he can.
    when I want him to be home because I just had a biopsy for skin cancer- the job will not let him be here. But he is there for me to call, cry and bitch and he always makes time for me to talk to him.
    when I want him here for our grandsons first day of school- he will not be here.
    when I want him here for my birthday, he will not be here.
    but when the miltary says " you have 8 hours to report" and we are in the middle of dinner at a nice resteraunt with friends- he has to get up and go, whether I like it or not.
    when he has to get up an hour early to PT that is what he has to do.
    You learn to adjust, you learn to live with it. if you do not your marriage will fail.
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    #3
    I don't have much advice outside of telling you that it's essentially true. The military will tell him what to do and where to go, and your opinion on the matter will have no sway (that's not to say that you shouldn't voice your opinion! You should. Your SO will hopefully appreciate you sharing your thoughts). It's a tricky thing to find peace with.

    What keeps me sane is my DH's love for me. I know that he wants to be home with me more than anything, and that he's simply doing his job by being sent all over the world or spending days at a time on the job. Sometimes it sucks, but it's the life we chose.
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    #4
    It's true He will miss anniversaries because he will be doing something military related, and for that matter, birthdays, holidays, family events, births, deaths, everything.

    You make up for it. DH was in the field on V-Day, so we had our V-Day the next day


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    #5
    I'm a gf as well so I'm kinda nonexistent to the military. One thing to remember is that duty will come first, as a job. But in his heart, you will come first.

    From the military wives prayer:

    Dear Lord, give me greatness of heart
    to see the difference
    between duty and his love for me.

    Give me understanding that I may know,
    when duty calls him, he must go.
    Give me a task to do each day
    to fill the time when he is away.
    And Lord, when he is in a foreign land,
    keep him safe in your loving hands.
    When duty is in the field,
    please protect him and be his shield.
    And Lord when deployment is long,
    please stay with me and keep me strong.
    Amen
    Even if you're not religious, I think its applicable in many situations. There IS a difference to your SO. I don't know what advice to give in regards of how to cope with it or how to get used to it...over time you just kinda do. I knew DB before he was in the army, and this concept was difficult for me. But when you love someone and they love you, rolling with the punches becomes a bit easier.
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    #6

    I think its up for individual interpretation. In some ways and situations, it will come first...in others, it won't. I can only tell you about the ways it's impacted me...

    I've missed out on having dates to weddings I've been in / attended...I've missed out on spending certain holidays / birthdays together...I've gone months without seeing his face other than in pictures taken before he left...etc.

    There are sacrifices you may need to make...but the way I see it, they're all worth it for the right person. I started dating my fiance less than three months before he left for deployment. When a lot of my friends learned of this I got responses like, "Oh I couldn't do that," and, "You're really gonna stay with him?" Although there were doubts and I realize it was a risk I was taking, it was all worth it.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by briannanoel View Post
    It's true He will miss anniversaries because he will be doing something military related, and for that matter, birthdays, holidays, family events, births, deaths, everything.

    You make up for it. DH was in the field on V-Day, so we had our V-Day the next day
    One day we'll have a wedding anniversary together
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Luci View Post
    I'm a gf as well so I'm kinda nonexistent to the military. One thing to remember is that duty will come first, as a job. But in his heart, you will come first.

    From the military wives prayer:



    Even if you're not religious, I think its applicable in many situations. There IS a difference to your SO. I don't know what advice to give in regards of how to cope with it or how to get used to it...over time you just kinda do. I knew DB before he was in the army, and this concept was difficult for me. But when you love someone and they love you, rolling with the punches becomes a bit easier.
    Never seen that poem before...thanks for sharing.
  9. "If you don't like my attitude, quit talking to me"
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    #9
    I'm not sure how I want to answer that...
    I've just learned to accept that statement as a way of life. I've learned to expect to do things on my own and if he's there, great, if he isn't, no big deal.
    I wouldn't say you have to evolve your life around the military, but rather fit the military into your life. If you go into it knowing to expect, then it won't be as difficult.

    Most men will put their marriages and SOs first, but they know if duty calls they must go.

    There are 10 types of people in the world, those that understand binary and those that don't
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by TrishAFSpouse View Post
    I'm not sure how I want to answer that...
    I've just learned to accept that statement as a way of life. I've learned to expect to do things on my own and if he's there, great, if he isn't, no big deal.
    I wouldn't say you have to evolve your life around the military, but rather fit the military into your life. If you go into it knowing to expect, then it won't be as difficult.

    Most men will put their marriages and SOs first, but they know if duty calls they must go.
    Another statement I've learned to live with..."It's my job."
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