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Thread: Mom issues

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    #1

    Mom issues

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    I've been living with my bf for 6 months now and ever since i did my mom treats me like a child for being an army gf of a soilder with PTSD and TBI. he talks about him like he's a monster and thinks that I shhould b without him. How can i make her understand our love and that I need her support in helping us to get through his struggles without her treating him like a bad guy or monster?
  2. I was the perfect mom, until I had kids.
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    #2
    Honestly, there isn't very much you can do besides giving it time. As a parent, you're naturally going to worry about your kids, especially when they're in a situation you're unsure of. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? I know that at 18, 19, 20 (which it honestly sounds like you may be around) you are technically an adult, but it can be very hard for parent to recognize you as such because you're still young.

    Either way, again, all you can do is give it time and show her that he's a good man and that you two love each other. In the end, as much as you may want her support, you may have to rely on each other for it for awhile.


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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by crimsonchex182 View Post
    I've been living with my bf for 6 months now and ever since i did my mom treats me like a child for being an army gf of a soilder with PTSD and TBI. he talks about him like he's a monster and thinks that I shhould b without him. How can i make her understand our love and that I need her support in helping us to get through his struggles without her treating him like a bad guy or monster?
    The short answer is that you can't. It may happen over time, but you can't control other people's reactions, opinions, or feelings. You may have to deal with the fact that choosing to be with this man means choosing to face your mother's disapproval and lack of support for this choice.

    You can ask her to keep her opinions about him to herself, but there's nothing saying she has to honor that request. She's a mother doing what she thinks is best for her daughter and she may find it too important to do that to honor that request. At that point, only you can decide what, if anything, you are willing to do. You can spend less time with her, or not spend time with her when he is around, or something like that, if it is too painful for you to deal with her disapproval.

    Why does she think he's a monster? Is he violent or verbally abusive?
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
  4. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #4
    It sounds like she's just being protective. Sometimes it really bothers me how PTSD and TBI get portrayed in the media ... like with that Bales guy that murdered all those people, they harped and harped on that and just from conversations I've had I get the feeling some people are under the impression that having PTSD makes you a crazy psycho that could snap at any moment. Maybe helping her to understand his mental issues more will make her more comfortable with him?
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    #5
    Thank You for the advice. I'm 21 and my bf is not violent at all and would never hurt me or anyone. Her views are going off of the media and she refuses to actually look it up with me. We talk from time to time and I have always told her that I love her but I only get one shot at this life and I choose to live that life with him. I'm the happiest that I've ever been but all I can do is hope
  6. Preaching from the book of Johnny Cash...
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    #6
    I dont have any advice but
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by crimsonchex182 View Post
    Thank You for the advice. I'm 21 and my bf is not violent at all and would never hurt me or anyone. Her views are going off of the media and she refuses to actually look it up with me. We talk from time to time and I have always told her that I love her but I only get one shot at this life and I choose to live that life with him. I'm the happiest that I've ever been but all I can do is hope
    I only have PTSD, and I have been labelled as your DB has. If someone is unwilling to talk to a professional, or research legit websites, there isn't anything you can do to educate them. As a last ditch, you might try phrasing it to your mother as "Mom, I know you're worried about my well being, but I feel that if I am given the chance to explain his condition, I could alleviate some of your fears. Will you give me a little bit of time to explain?"

    If she's unresponsive to a calm, informative approach, you'll simply have to accept that she doesn't want to accept your boyfriend. From there, I wish you luck on your relationship with not only your honey, but your mother as well. She may come around, in time.

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