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Thread: pregnancy blues

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    pregnancy blues

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    so... a lot of people in my life are pregnant right now i went from literally no one i was close to having any kids (and therefore no kids that i was really close to) to now 2 of my friends being with child. but...it's not that simple. my one best friend recently found out she is pregnant and i am SO excited for her!!! i feel a lot like i've become an aunt! we've already made plans for me to come out there shortly after her baby is born. i already feel like i love her soon-to-be baby, and always ask her for ultrasound pics and updates.

    and i have a DIFFERENT friend who i used to be very close to, who is actually a lot farther along in her pregnancy than the previous mentioned friend. we have been having issues over the last 2 years. i don't have these crazy brawls with my friends so it's hard to explain, but basically there are a lot of hurt feelings. she becomes a different person when she is in relationships, and that is a lot of the problem. we worked it out last summer and were building back up our friendship, but then she said some pretty insensitive things about a couple of my DH's friends that were killed last deployment (i went to her for comfort) and things just haven't been the same with her since.

    she let me know in a message a few months ago that she was pregnant and i expressed my surprise and said congrats. short and sweet. we don't really talk much. my best friend from the first paragraph i wrote telling me that she was also pregnant just shows the contrast...how excited i am for her, and then also sad that i can't feel the same way about the latter mentioned friend's pregnancy.

    basically, the friend who things are strained with messaged me today and said "so do you want to be apart of my baby's life?" and it hit me like a ton of bricks...in short, the answer is yes, but it's not that simple. i feel like she is using this as an avenue to not own up to her hurtful ways and to guilt trip me, she has made me feel very used and insignificant, and while i miss her and wish i could be jsut involved in her pregnancy as my other friend's, she HAS to make set things right with us first...and she just doesn't see that. i believe things with us are fixable, and that she just makes it a million times worse with her bad attitude and accusatory ways...basically everytime we DID try to talk about it and work it out she would just get mad and blame me. we just went in circles. and the longer time goes on...the farther apart we are and the harder it will be to fix.

    i am not going to just forget everything just because she is pregnant, that isn't fair, she NEEDS to own up. i kind of did last summer when i said lets just have a fresh start and move on, and she still broke that second chance. i don't know what to do i wish i could say i have 2 nieces/nephews on the way...but it's just not like that. any advice? and i mean constructive advice...i know it is easy just for people to write to me "just get over it for the baby!" but that is just not feasible. if anyone has any advice other than that that is constructive or insightful, please share!!! i don't know what to write back to her...or what to do. i feel like she is just expecting me to do everything, or to eventually just "get over it." which is also hurtful...

    ETA: i thought i should also add that i do not live in the same state as her.
    Last edited by alice04; 06-06-2012 at 05:50 PM.
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    I don't really have any advice but
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    It sounds like you want to continue the relationship, therefore I think your best bet is to call your friend and set up a date to grab lunch/coffee or whatever and talk face to face. AT least you will know you gave it anothrt shot. I really hope you get peace in this. Sending you lots of
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    thanks you two for the hugs and advice i guess i have a lot of thinking to do...i wrote her a message back sort of expressing my feelings about the past, in a gentle way but still firm, so we'll see if she writes me back in a calm way as well.

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