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Thread: Family Matters

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    Family Matters

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    I need advice..... I married my husband 2 years ago and my son from another relationship lives with us... He has no insurance because his medi-cal was discontinued because I'm married...the problem is that my husband refused to add him to DEERs... What can I do? Also he refused to give me access to the bank account and I have no idea what is in it although I help pay bills... He says that housing comes from his paycheck and I don't believe that..... He is constantly saying there is no money and I need to contribute more.....hes an E6...we don't use all the $ we get for housing...... IDK what to do but I feel like he isn't being honest with me.... He has 4 kids from 2 previous relationships and I always feel like he puts me last and everything is about his kids and his exes... Please shed some light..... I feel like nothing in. Do is good enough....he barely sent any money home even though I was taking care of one of his kids that isn't mine..... We don't have any kids together and never will because he got a vasectomy dispute my protests... I only have 1 kid and I wanted more....SOS
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    #2
    If you live in base housing, then yes all of his BAH is gone to the housing company.

    As far as putting your son in DEERS he doesn't have to if he doesn't want to. I'm not sure what all the laws are regarding that, but pretty sure he doesn't have to put a child that isn't his in DEERS. Eventually he might though because when a child turns 10 they need an ID card.

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    #3
    He could be telling you the truth about the housing coming out of his paycheck. I know the place where I live they let you take allotments out for the rent. We have never had to cut our landlords a check. We dont live in housing either.

    As for adding your son to DEERS, I dont think there is a while lot you can do about that. That is something your husband is going to have to do since your son isn't his.

    It sounds like your husband and you have a lot of things that you need to work out. Maybe some marriage counseling would help. IF he refuses that, maybe talking to your pastor would help, if you have one.
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by TrishAFSpouse View Post
    If you live in base housing, then yes all of his BAH is gone to the housing company.

    As far as putting your son in DEERS he doesn't have to if he doesn't want to. I'm not sure what all the laws are regarding that, but pretty sure he doesn't have to put a child that isn't his in DEERS. Eventually he might though because when a child turns 10 they need an ID card.
    We live in military housing and we don't use all of our BAH. We get 1900 a month for housing and our rent is 900 so we get the other 1,000 to do whatever we want with.

    We also have our rent come out of DH's check. Half comes out on the 1st and the other half comes out on the 15th.

    As for the rest of the stuff, I don't know.

    ETA-One thing is for sure, he is not treating you right IMO.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Abbynormal View Post
    We live in military housing and we don't use all of our BAH. We get 1900 a month for housing and our rent is 900 so we get the other 1,000 to do whatever we want with.
    Rarely does housing not take all of the BAH. Usually, it is due to sub-standard housing or dual military.
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    #6
    Like Trish said, he doesn't HAVE to put your child in DEERS. Your son technically isn't his so if he doesn't want to then there's nothing you or anyone else can do about it.

    As for the rest, I feel like he's hiding something. You're married, you have a right to know what is going on in all parts of the financing. Whether you have access to his account or not, you should at least know what's going on & where the money goes to.

    Quote Originally Posted by dekeoboe View Post
    Rarely does housing not take all of the BAH. Usually, it is due to sub-standard housing or dual military.
    Housing doesn't take all our BAH either

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    #7
    What is his reasoning for not putting him in DEERS? It costs him nothing.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by TrishAFSpouse View Post
    If you live in base housing, then yes all of his BAH is gone to the housing company.

    As far as putting your son in DEERS he doesn't have to if he doesn't want to. I'm not sure what all the laws are regarding that, but pretty sure he doesn't have to put a child that isn't his in DEERS. Eventually he might though because when a child turns 10 they need an ID card.
    Quote Originally Posted by dekeoboe View Post
    Rarely does housing not take all of the BAH. Usually, it is due to sub-standard housing or dual military.
    Quote Originally Posted by Rissa*Rawr View Post
    Like Trish said, he doesn't HAVE to put your child in DEERS. Your son technically isn't his so if he doesn't want to then there's nothing you or anyone else can do about it.

    As for the rest, I feel like he's hiding something. You're married, you have a right to know what is going on in all parts of the financing. Whether you have access to his account or not, you should at least know what's going on & where the money goes to.



    Housing doesn't take all our BAH either
    ditto....OP why isn't your kids' father not providing health insurance? I kinda see your new husband issue if he has four kids of his own that may also be on his insurance. As for him putting this other kids first, yes, he honestly should if he's paying support for them. Sorry, your kid has a father that made him, you want more for him, make his father responsible. your new husband doesn't have to put him on DEERS and he doesn't have to do much besides provide him with housing and food. Go after the birth father for support for everything else. I've seen that before and one thing the mother ultimately said was that the birth father was a deadbeat in jail and she wanted her new husband to give her child the best because he was military, but he had other obligations. She didn't want to work but he didn't feel like he had to be saddled with giving the step son everything because he had kids that needed stuff as well.

    as for BAH there are SOME base housing that will not take ALL BAH but there are many that do take ALL BAH. Most of the bases we have been to take all our BAH, so he may not be lying. As for the account, are you on the account as a joint holder? If not, either this should've been discussed early on when the account was formed, or you may have to open your own account and start putting your paychecks in it. If you aren't working, and there's no joint account, either you live with it, or leave. there's no law saying he has to show you anything.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Beach View Post
    What is his reasoning for not putting him in DEERS? It costs him nothing.
    yeah, it would cost him a lot I would think if you all have to pay out of pocket for his medical care. That doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by dekeoboe View Post
    Rarely does housing not take all of the BAH. Usually, it is due to sub-standard housing or dual military.
    our BAH here is only $930 and all of it goes to housing. we chose to live in town to save about $100 of our BAH a month. but in VA if you lived in housing, it took all the $1350 BAH he got a month..... and those weren't sub-standard houses.

    anyhow, OP, i think you guys need to have some open communication or else nothing can be fixed. if you think he's treating you wrong or lying, maybe someone else needs to be brought in to work on the communication issues.
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